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 Each day feels new, and my memory of the one before is faint. I’m learning to adapt. |
| January 2025 started with me irritating my wife. Not subtly. Not artistically. Just… efficiently. I wrote about it the next day, after she said the thing we were both thinking: “I miss the old you.” I admitted I missed him too, which is awkward when you can’t clearly remember who that guy was. That was January 9th. "I miss him too"  Today is December 29th. And I got a guitar for Christmas. So what changed? The fog didn’t magically lift. I still forget conversations. I still label photos. I still lean on AI to help untangle my thoughts into readable sentences. The brain damage didn’t get the memo about personal growth. But something shifted anyway. I stopped waiting to be “fixed” before trying new things. The guitar isn’t therapy. It’s not recovery equipment. It’s just something I wanted to learn. Brain injury or not. Ramona and I also learned to say the hard things sooner, before they explode. That January moment taught us something. We’re better at honesty now, even when it’s uncomfortable. And maybe I finally accepted that I live about seven degrees left of center. Same position. Different attitude. It turns out it’s not a flaw, just… a perspective. Writing this blog publicly did something unexpected too. It gave me witnesses. When I forget what happened yesterday, you remember. When I can’t see progress, the posts stack up and show me I’m not starting over every morning. You’ve been holding continuity I can’t always hold myself. Also, writing for actual humans makes me show up. Even on foggy days. Especially on foggy days. Accountability is sneaky like that. Here’s what I learned this year: recovery isn’t linear, but growth doesn’t have to wait for recovery to finish. I can get better at living with brain damage even if the brain damage stays the same. The guitar taught me that. Learning something new with a broken memory just means different strategies. It still counts. So thank you, if you’ve read even one of these posts. You’ve been part of this whether you meant to be or not. I don’t know what 2026 holds. Probably more fog. Definitely more moments of standing in the kitchen wondering why I’m there. But also more coffee. More writing. More awkward guitar practice. More life lived a little left of center. The difference a year makes isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes it’s just showing up again. The guitar is still leaning against my coffee chair. Tomorrow morning, I might actually open the case. |
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