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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/1939270
Rated: 18+ · Book · Personal · #1939270
A third attempt at this blogging business.
#823407 added July 23, 2014 at 10:56pm
Restrictions: None
This one's about weddings.
30DBC PROMPT: "What huge gathering you had reluctantly attended? How were you motivated to attend? Did you enjoy it? How was it?"

What up blog fam? Three prompts that I could actually use to write about the same thing today! That makes this entry like, a unicorn, or something, no? The sad part is I've most likely told all these stories before...now though, it's like getting all three for the price of one! A box-set in blog form.

Starting with the "30-Day Blogging Challenge, I can without a doubt say I did not want to go to my sister's wedding. Maybe it wasn't a "huge" gathering itself, but the idea of it all was huge...huge money, huge questions, huge pain in the ass. I wanted no part of it.

For starters, I'd only met her soon-to-be-husband once. And while I liked him, I didn't care for the idea that someone who I was at one time very close with felt she was now grown up enough to not care what anyone else thought...when our family started having problems and breaking down, her first instinct was to flee, and she basically said that around the time of her going away party when she moved to Florida. (He turned out to be an alright guy because he loved Wu-Tang Clan, a fact we bonded over before their wedding.)

Second of all, it was in Savannah, GA. I was dealing with some legal shit around the same time and to get out of going I nearly convinced my ex (we'd recently moved into a $1000/mo. house) that we couldn't afford it. The hotel, the plane, the meals, the wedding gifts, the souvenirs...none of it. We needed to save money. Plus, I don't like flying. And I wasn't gonna feel bad about telling my sis we weren't coming. But what does my ex do? She goes behind my back, calls up my aunt and uncle, and swings a deal with them to split the cost of a rental car and a hotel room, and pays for it all with her income tax rebate (gotta love the tax breaks for single moms *Wink*. And to top it off, she bought me a new dress shirt, tie, slacks (are they still called "slacks"? Who says that?) and sport coat. Without me even being there. That's love. And that also meant there was no way of getting out of it now.

Finally, my stepmom (my sis' mom) was gonna be there with her shitty new boyfriend, along with my dad. Awk-warrrrrd. The new boyfriend was gross, a total douche tool, and shady as all get-out, and dad was basically the only single person in the whole group (even though him and my stepmom were still technically married).

All these things? Big ol' red flags for your boy over here.

But we went. Because it was a "destination wedding", there weren't more than twenty of us there (which also, from what I heard, pissed off a few members of my stepmom's family, but oh well). The whole thing went off pretty much without a hitch (except for getting lost on the way to the bed-and-breakfast where the ceremony was to be held from the hotel, after getting stuck in detours), as these things normally tend to. The vacation part of the trip wasn't as fun, with my girl getting stuck with her killer migraines and pretty much not moving out of the hotel room for two days. I guess in the end I had an alright time...could've been better, for sure, and it definitely coulda gone worse. In its defense for being the backdrop of a potential deal-breaking situation though, Savannah really was a beautiful little city...I'd like to go back someday on my own terms.

BCF PROMPT: "It's Wacky Wednesday . According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary wacky   refers to something 'amusing and very strange' or 'absurdly or amusingly eccentric or irrational'. Write something wacky."

Weddings always lead to wacky stuff. Probably because for a few hours there's unlimited booze and a bunch of people you'll never see again. If you do something stupid and you're friends with the bride and/or groom, they don't have to defend you to anyone. Hell, they don't even have to acknowledge you or your presence by name...if they're smart they can sidestep the question of your misdeeds entirely.

I've been to a bunch of these occasions, and let me tell you...the receptions are pretty much all the same (except for the example up above). But that doesn't mean they have to be boring! Take me to your next wedding, and I'll show you how to make the best of it...

*Bullet* I got busted on camera once freakin' my friend's mom. I blame the double gin and tonics members of the wedding party were allowed.

*Bullet* I danced with an inflatable oversized guitar to AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long"  . Presumably while under various states of intoxication that I immediately sweated out in 3.5 minutes.

*Bullet* While dating the crazy ex, she took me to a wedding she was standing up in. I knew no one there and she barely talked to me the entire night. The only way I could get her attention was by beginning to perform a striptease toward the very end of the night. You could say I was lonely guy sad and drunk.

*Bullet* DMFM and I went to a buddy's wedding that was entirely in Polish. After dinner and a few dances our dates were tired, so we dropped them off at home and went back to the reception hall, where two other weddings were going on. Dave had girls in all three rooms. We probably shouldn't have made it home alive because he was too drunk to drive, and I don't know how to start a car using just a screwdriver (his car had been stolen a few weeks beforehand, and since it was pretty beat up there was no sense of urgency in repairing it).

*Bullet* This sentence: sneaking off to engage in intimate behavior on playground equipment located on the premises of the reception hall property.

*Bullet* While standing up at my best friend from high school's wedding, a few of us dragged him to the bar across the street so we could watch the closing minutes of the series-clinching Stanley Cup Finals game going on. Hilariously, his new bride stormed in and bellowed "Where's my husband??" We went from a wedding to a bar, so...yeah.

*Bullet* And then I left the same wedding a little early to go to a coworker's stag party, arriving in my tux just in time for the "entertainment" to start performing.

Ladies and gentlemen, prime wedding season is slipping away from us fast...book me for your event now! You won't regret it (and if you do, you still don't have to tell anyone about it *Wink*).

MUSICAL BREAK!!

What good is a blog entry about weddings without some appropriate sing-alongage? Oh, those wacky southerners...


"You know I'm still your loverboy, I still feel the same way.
That's when she told me a story 'bout free milk and a cow
and said, "No huggee, no kissee until I get a wedding vow."
Lyrics.  


THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

Blog City image small


*Ringsgold* "Have you ever had a red carpet moment? Not like an actor but at a wedding or a special day that is important to you. I would love to hear about it."

Yes I have, actually. I've been fortunate enough to have the honor of standing up at a couple of weddings. It adds another layer of joy on to the celebration. Unless you're a jerk like me who had previous relations with both the maid and matron of honor at a wedding you were best man/usher in. Then that layer of joy turns into "chain smoking and drinking from a flask of Crown Royal on the way to the rehearsal dinner".

True story bro (not like I need to remind you, but anyhow...). I met this girl after high school and we started dating...when my buddy came back from college on break we set him up with my gf's best friend. They eventually got married; we did not for the typically atrocious reasons guys ruin the lives of young women.

Several years later (but still before the wedding) I'd ran into a mutual friend of all of ours, and we decided to meet out for drinks because it turned out we had other mutual friends we didn't even know about. That led to the ill-advised decision to convince her to break up with her long-term boyfriend for me. Needless to say, that relationship between her and I was over very quickly.

So my boy and his girl are finally gonna get hitched, and I know what's about to happen. The girl I was dating (who was involved in the setting-up) had married, and her obnoxious, belligerent drunk husband who tried to jump me in a bar once was gonna be there, along with all my ex's family...and the long-term boyfriend who became the husband of the other girl. I tried to break the ice with the angry, snotty ex-girlfriend by offering up some kind of peace treaty or truce or something, "because today's really about them, so let's be civil" or some other shit...and all I got in return was "You just watch your fucking mouth!" I don't know what that was all about, but thankfully the whole thing went off without complications and the other girl's husband had actually said something to the new bride like I was a "nice guy and pretty funny", and that he "misjudged me". Who says that about someone who steals your girlfriend?? Of course, I still felt the need to leave this wedding just to watch another girl get naked for money, because I'm a great friend to all.

*Suitcase* After workin' all day tomorrow, I get to make a trip back to Buffalo for the weekend. I've probably made mention of it before so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but it'll be a bittersweet occasion because we're finally gonna bury my uncle. But regardless, it's nice to get away and go somewhere that's not where you live, for any reason...you just kinda wish the circumstances were a little different though.

*Vinyly* Hey! You, reading this! Do you like music? And writing? Then why haven't you signed up for:

FORUM
Barrel of Monkeys  (E)
An interlinked musical blogging challenge from The WDC Sountrackers!
#1987725 by Jeff


yet?? I've been looking forward all spring and summer to this, and now I've heard there might not be enough contestants to put two on a team! That isn't right! Y'all gotta step up and become a part of this! What could be more fun than a barrel of monkeys?

*Camera* Because who doesn't like pictures of clasical works of art recreated in modern settings  ?

*Crayons3* I love this link because it features a marvel of modern internetting: the slider. Plus, it just goes to show you what happens when you put crayons in the hands of the very, very wrong. "Brilliantly Corrupted Coloring Books"  .

*Facebook* People who post links to quizzes on Facebook without telling you who they ended up with or don't share the results are people you shouldn't be trusting.

*Bookstack2* Well, it's on...after a little aggravation, I'm officially a full-time college student at Tompkins Cortland Community College  , majoring in Computer Information Systems. Registered for classes today, and just waiting on who my adviser's gonna be and the final results of my financial aid. Took a tour of the campus and it's not really too intimidating. Kinda gettin' excited now. Bonus: if all goes well, I may be eligible to graduate a semester early because of my previous failed attempt at higher education. I guess I earned more credits back in '94-'95 than I thought. Go me!

And I think I've had enough excitement for one day...I'm already yawnin', but that doesn't mean much. Hopefully I can get myself to sleep eventually and stay that way 'til it's time to wake up...and maybe the day'll go by fast enough that I'll be chillin' in The 'Lo before I know it. Peace, don't put my love upon no shelf, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!


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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/1939270