by Bob'n Around
Invisible matters of the mind turned real into the written word.
|Daily SCREAMS!!! co-winner
I’ve seen all kinds. In my business, people think cutting off their own limbs turns them into tree surgeons. I get called in after their mistakes. Downed power lines shorting out whole neighborhoods, fences smashed, cars turned into junk, I’ve seen the works.
It can get worse. Some fool with a chainsaw up a tree, slips taking out a branch. They don’t say ‘risking life or limb’ just because. Ten thousand RPM can rip the teeth of a chain through a wrist before you even start to think about releasing the trigger. Ankles separate at the bone just as fast.
Real trouble begins when two or more blades get involved. Looking out your window to see a tree branch thick as your arm crashing through it can really get your blood up. Your wife pinned to her chair, speared, screaming bloody murder can turn that into a deadly fact.
It becomes ‘get even, time’. Another wife gets hacked up, this time by the aroused second chainsaw owner when she comes out to see what’s going on. The blood bath begins. Pets don’t stand a chance. You’d think things would end there but they don’t. Locked doors get ripped open by the combatants with ease. The sound of crying kids gets buried pretty fast as long as there’s gas.
The final scene when both attackers meet isn’t pretty. There is no sense of self preservation. It becomes do as much damage as fast as you can. You’d be surprised how things escalate. Cops arrive too late.
It happens more often than you’d think it would. Once is one time too many. I’ve got smart phone video from unbelieving strangers who stopped when passing by. No. they didn’t survive, just their phones.
I get called in out of professional interest to help create community service films. I’m often the star of the show warning why homeowners should leave this kind of thing to us. Public service announcement they call it. It pays well.
It gets aired around midnight on cable TV in popular real-life horror shows along with the other kinds of craziness people do to themselves and each other. It is the modern version of Roman gladiators dueling each other to death. Like watching a train wreck or gruesome car accident happen in the next lane. Can't stop looking.
I’ve become a kind of cult figure carving out a place in the industry. I get calls and tapes from poorly paid cops willing to sell stuff you wouldn’t believe. Lately, I’ve branched out. I interview survivors who have only lost a limb or two.
I do flashbacks while showing the footage of their mayhem. We discuss what the root of this growing problem is and how to cut it off at the trunk. Sorry for the puns. Gruesome dark gallows humor. You pick it up from the cops, after seeing so many friendly next door neighbors go visiting with murder flashing in their eyes.
Thanks for watching. Stay tuned and put a like on this Youtube video when you finish viewing if you want more. Subscribe to our channel and join our Patreon page if you want to help pay for sending out a warning on why cutting off limbs should be left to professionals.
You’ll receive a t-shirt and bumper sticker displaying our poster kid, Jimmy the paraplegic and our motto, ‘Don’t try to become a cut up know-it-all. You are not the gay blade you think you are.’, in return.