The Absence of Wavelength

Don’t Take My Advice — Listen To Yourself

Morning of reviewing provoked mantra, and long. Then, supporting evidence…why?

We yearn for proof of life until we look inside and realize the only truth lay hidden inside ourselves. (Could quit there) What lies without doesn’t seek that gold, but gets you to give it away without reward. (Cult/slave) Look inside again. Truth never leaves but replenishes from all kindness offered (Only you can assign value and how it lifts you). No one can tarnish your gold, lest they tarnish what they take. Then, you will see what’s worthless. (Moral for our story, or universal truth?)


I gave it all away when I was young. I didn’t have to be told you’ll be compensated in return (with kindness, friendship, love). But, somehow a deficit grew. I didn’t do any self-accounting. My early friends betrayed me. I cried from confusion when mentally and physically assaulted (in my case, undiagnosed - i.e./ibid). The Ward Mathers types didn’t have offerings for life lessons, but I did draw conclusions, causing a reclusive nature.

Guarding my gold? There was nothing there to give without trust.

Wild animals scurry off when humans appear, why shouldn't I? Enough time, with accountability, I came to understand roles I needed to play. It had delivered kindness my way and u\realized I had invested too much in thankless people too hard to please. This knowledge did not abate pain, as deficit seemed to stop growing. I tried to refill, with frustration punishing anything that caused deficit (retaliation). I didn’t know I was doing it. No justification for ignorance. Those kind became timid creatures, unaware I had nothing but love for them. Seeing the wild-eyed side of me was enough. I could understand. I had been there, as kindness was stolen during deficit days.

Did I cut myself off from the world, or did it just cut me? Who are these agents of evil who turn tables with such disregard, creating monster-like feelings in me (identifying with Hulk, The Frankenstonian, Stitch, with misplaced feelings). Deficit began to grow again. Retaliation had only made it worse. And I knew from the Bible, not man’s place to judge the whole of me. Oddly, despite sequester, anger outcomes were forgotten when those outward tempted.

That’s when I became witness. I got smart. It’s refilled me, more than what’s been lost, knowing eeach game of life can have agents who fix (manipulation, a dehumanizing game). The more public they are, the more PR needed to adhere a mask I’ll tear at (mind, this about defamation over martyrdom).

Question those narratives around you (carefully). I’ve seen some change identity (still the same), others who leave the island (question themselves), and those that foolishly double down (stakes unknowable, predicting higher risk over reward). So much more in between that I’ve seen. Mum’s the word.

Didn’t need anyone to fight on my behalf. It became so simple a child could understand these playground taunts. I have provoked bitter people by just excelling at aims? Threatening?? People who couldn’t diminish me grew into an underground network of gossiping, embellishing liars with two faces, using position as leverage (still, cowards without access to power). This is not new territory. The bigger and uglier it gets, the less one needs deal with it. It’s always been about narrative.

But, I do own one last role as patient educator — one of many reasons to write.

Simply, get others to look in that mirror they avoid. Some won’t get a clue. Leave them. They need to save themselves. It’s others on the periphery playing with dark magic that can be spared from hurting themselves, who will further malign others (litigious with libel and slander known).

It doesn’t matter who you affiliate with to know your worth. Possibly incentivized or validated by alliance, soul credits may not be yours to claim yourself. Punishing with any further anger creates more to fill within. Vent if you want, giving love and kindness is a great place to stay out of spiritual bankruptcy. But, to fully feel worth, it may take a ‘say it like you mean it’ where little instigators are brought before you. Not easy if you’re not there yet.

You can apologize. That can be messy when discriminating minds won’t receive, difficultly to absolve. It won’t serve a tender ego if you haven’t put in the work, further targeted. You can say, “I feel unsafe.” Fewer today can disregard, as inclusion finally reigns for the disenfranchised (and who would they be?). Don’t be surprised if your free of purgatory license is revoked by those claiming authority, dominion. Rejection, however, can mean you now accept (even yourself) without remorse. Forgive yourself, ready to divine passionate aim toward that which may yet receive, without expectations.

It doesn’t mean (big) ego to love your own worth, especially if a spirit connection growing, like feeling nearer to God. You can dap yourself up in reflection of the positive change you know you influenced. Coming with any (unadvertized) falseness or guise, prepared to take it back, means you’re not ready just yet. Have faith you’ll get there.

The world isn’t necessarily asking, but it needs more love. Know it’s not likely to give back. Maybe, a numbers game. If baseball, hit .300, and you’re doing great. If basketball and shooting 50%, you’re on your way. But, if you can do it knowing you can inspire change, your deficit should wash away. Vigilance is easy with passion. Phonies out themselves (and maybe you’ll never witness). Truth will warm you, if not lend pity to the lost.

The only tears you will likely get…tears of joy. Let it wash over. And, don’t listen to me or any other before listening to yourself.

Peace be with you.

5.8.25
6.11.25 edited for clarity…may have bits of confusion left. Always writing and editing. We’ll see.

Don’t feel loved? There’s no club. Hug yourself as one who loved you once did and recall words of encouragement, knowing you own them since their offer. There’s no truer beacon than the one who knows you best. If you have doubt, consult the clouds hovering about…ask why they’re there. You can clear that deck to have your sunny environment. Those who deny light access, point at your flaws, don’t belong in your haven. Be the beacon, for you foremost. (Done preaching…for now.)

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