Ya Know What I Was Thinking?

The Curse of Doing Your Best

It's rather common knowledge how failure can breed fear. But isn't it interesting how success can do the same thing? A person wonders if they can perform to the standard they themselves have now set, whether management views success as a norm or as a fluke?

I am a billing manager at my company, but I am also a closet programming geek. I have created several custom apps for my company now, and people are starting to use them. Now, there's nothing a geek likes more than to have his "product" used. But what if people don't like how it works? What if I have to go back and change it and I don't understand what I did? What if the apps don't perform as expected and produce negative results downstream? Letting go and letting it be a success is so stressful!

It's not just at work, though. For instance, I don't like to give or receive gifts. I don't mind doing it anonymously, for charity or something, but I don't like the unspoken social obligation of quid pro quo. It's not because I'm stingy; it's because of fear. If I get someone just the right gift for their birthday, they seem to expect that every gift I give from then on will be just as brilliant. But what if it's not?

If I win that game, am I thought less of if I don't win the next one? If this pie knocks everyone's socks off, am I on the hook to be Gordon Ramsey next time? If I wire in this light switch right this time, am I suddenly the family electrician?

Is doing your best actually setting you up for failure? Should we shoot for second best instead? Hedge our bets? Under-promise and over-deliver?

Just random thoughts today, I guess. Today's entry is no more than second best. I'll try to live up to my previous posts next time. (…or will I…? )