Fighting the Current

drooping eyelids

Not a particularly good day. I had my last physics test of the quarter -- a 75. At least the teacher lets us do corrections for extra credit. I have to work on them tonight, but I can't figure out how to correct them. The corrections are due tomorrow. It would be nice if he came in earlier so I could get help maybe. Because it doesn't seem like the majority did better than I did. He said he may even drop the lowest grade, but I don't have time to wait and see. I was really almost hysterical about the test last night, but I calmed down and hit the books. For three solid hours--absolutely no breaks. I studied till I almost literally went cross-eyed. I just could not read another problem. I never do that for regular tests. Even for exams, my mind is not as focused as it was last night.

There are some things that if I had known weeks ago and acted upon, I would be in a better position than I am now. I feel awful that I could not have done a thing...

That is not about physics at all, if you cannot tell.

Trust is a funny thing.

Truth and telling it are as well.

When you trust someone, you expect that trust to be eventually shown in return, don't you?

Yes, secrets are fine. Everyone has them (and some have more than others)... But where can a line be drawn between keeping things inside and sharing with people... All right, so it's a really big grey (or is it "gray"?) area. I don't know where I'm going with this.

My feet are so cold. My hands would be too if I wasn't wearing two shirts and a blanket. (Yes, I'm wearing the blanket. I'm wrapping my hands up in it whenever I take a break.

Speaking of taking breaks, this break has lasted way too long. I have not yet done my homework. I'm still not ready for the school year. I want it to slow down. Halloween is next week.... This year has gone by astronomically fast... It's really terrifying. It's already 8 PM and dark outside. Where the hell did the day go?...

I have not had a good start to this school year. My grades are not where I want them to be. I mean, they're good, but I am so close to an A in most classes. Maybe the teachers will be generous... Yeah, right.

Yeah, for all its shortcomings, this year has been alright. I guess there were problems last year as well, but they were sort of overshadowed... Or maybe there weren't. Geez, I don't even know. I just want to go to bed right now and maybe sleep till the weekend. Although I do have a Halloween party Friday, which, of course, I will be late in getting to because of Driver's Ed. I doubt my mom will let me out of it early. Well, I only have six hours total of it left....

I am so tired. Mostly it's just a mental tiredness I think. I've been like this all school year so far. I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE COURSES ALL NEXT SUMMER!!! Yeah, I say that now. In the somewhat paraphrased (actually I'm not sure if they're paraphrased or exact) words of Winston Churchill, "I enjoy learning, although I do not always enjoy being taught." Anyway, I have had no time to recoup since the summer. Every moment of summer I had left after chemistry ended was consumed by either preparing for school, going on vacation, or other things which I really did not have a choice in doing. Since school started, I think recovering is a lost cause. I can't even sleep in on the weekends. It's always something early in the morning. Even if it's not for me, I have to wake up to just watch the house. And personal matters have not helped me at all. They're just as taxing as physics. More so even. Physics I know I can forget about for most of the time. Physics doesn't affect anything but physics.

But I really have to get my homework done. I have killed far too much time tonight.