Melia's Poetic Place

To My Mom

This is really tough
as I knew it would be.
I am in a state of anxiety
as I cannot tell when
my friends are on.
Without a messenger
I feel locked away
from the world that
I find so full.

I simple would love to talk and have a life but I feel I have none at this time because I am not at home where my messengers are downloaded and ready for me to chat or leave a message to my wonderful friends here and elsewhere.

My sister is coming over to my parents house again this evening and tomorrow she will be over yet again for Christmas eve gift exchange and dinner. I really do not want to see her every night but it is inevidable that I won't get anytime in the evening alone with my mom. I knew this would happen as my Mom makes sure that no emotional conversations go on because heck I am too emotional. She hates to see me cry. Well, Mom you were the one to make me such a basket case in the first place because in my most formative years you were not willing to get me or yourself into counseling and you definitely avoided conversations of any sort because I might show damn emotions beyond what you were and still are comfortable with.

The thing is that many of my aggressive episodes would not have occurred if I was able to express it to you in the first place.

I love you but am not happy about the fact that I have had to stuff much of my life away from you to keep you happy and content.