by Soul sister
Ok so I am addicted...
| I have been thinking a lot lately of how good I really have it in life. Ok well I had a great childhood and now I have a great life with my husband and kids. So -- why sometimes even with my great life I can remember things in my life and it bothers me. Well I don't think it bothers me but then I dream of it or I have a flashback and bam I am sad. I can not get over it. It makes me think now of all these folks who have it a lot worse than me--- are they so sad?? I don't think they all are. I guess it is how you handle things. I think I handled all the bad in my life good but it still is some pain.
Ok well here is one. My husband and I have been together 20 years. There was a 3 week period when we were dating that we were broke up. It was a mutual thing and we both hurt while apart. Thing is I can remember how sad
I was. I was in college and I remember sitting in the library between classes and watching him leave in the parking lot. There was an upstairs window I would sit at and study in front of. It killed me to see him going home and me not going out to see him. I was so sad a few days. I was determined not to make any contact with him to let him miss me. It worked. Fast forward-- we made up and have been inseparately since and it was a teen thing at the time. So why do I still dream of it sometimes and it is like reliving it. Whenever I am not feeling close to my hubby as like he is out of town or we haven' had a chance to commuinicate as a couple should-- I have these stupid dreams. I dream of being with my family or a close friend and then thinking
" Oh I haven't seen C in years>" Then I dream of our breakup and how we never see each other again and I need to go see him. I dream of going to his house and picking up like old times. Now this is almost like a dream of what might have been if we had not gotten back together. I guess it is so corny. I just have to make sure I talk to my hubby and he laughs at my silly dreams. But he always makes me feel better. I just hope I will not be a 85 year old alzemiers patient and all I remember is a sad time in my life. Gosh there have been a million happy times in my life. Why do I get fixed on the few sad ones. It is strange indeed!!