Life with an Addict

crushed

Reality has come knocking at my door once again, there's no place to hide, and no more pretending. Today was payday and every cent of it is gone. I have a baby who only has enough milk to last until tomorrow night and somehow I have to find a way to buy more.
I'm so tired of "finding a way" and "holding on to hope" when obviously there is none. What are my options. I could stay here and drown in this darkness or I could leave. If I stay, the pain and anger will slowly eat away at me until there's nothing left. If I go, he will never leave me alone. His threats will be suttle enough that I can't turn to anyone for help because only I will know the true meaning behind them. He will play mind games until I'm so wiped out that I don't have the strength to go on anymore.
THis is usually my escape but suddenly my mind is blank because I'm so empty. I feel as if I've let everyone down including myself. My weakness is pathetic and there's no excuse for it.