by Yours Truly
My life is about as interesting as the next person's.
|Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Hinder - Lips of an Angel (how appropriate for me)
Oh, it's definitely NOT in my head. He's (according to him) completely wrapped around my finger. He says it's not good, but I say it is. Haha. There's so much to tell. So much fuckin' drama. This is worse than the last time I fell for another guy. The problem is I wanted this to happen. I've always wanted to know what it would be like to be with someone else. I pushed this on myself. I really did... And Shane doesn't see that because I've tried to hide these feelings and doubts about him and just EVERYTHING. If Byron felt nothing for me, I could just get over it...but I NEED IT! Shane doesn't understand. Of course it's hard to talk because I'm bawling every time I think about my fucking awful ass self. :(
So, it started yesterday with Byron asking if he could pick me up from my house. I flat out said no. He didn't press - at least not then, anyway. He had texted me asking how I slept. I told him alright except for I couldn't get my mind to shut up. He found that hilarious.
Anyway, we met up at a commuter lot. That seemed to be a safe enough place for my car. He drove us to IHOP and we ate. It was just nice. I like him so much. I lied before - I can see myself being with him. Maybe not forever, but for a little while anyway.
After IHOP, we drove almost all the way to Luray. He was getting frustrated with me because I wasn't answering any of his questions. Haha. I asked him why he lets me call him Byron...for some reason, I don't ever remember his answer.
He had asked me why Terry and Val would tell me to call him to tell him I was on the radio. He thought that would have been simple enough. It wasn't for me. So he asked his other: what my mind wouldn't shut up about. That was even worse because I was having very graphic images of the two of us and I wasn't about to tell him that!!
After much bickering and hesitation, I told him that Terry and Val know that I like him and that was the reason. I didn't mention the fact that I always talk about him or anything.
So, he asked me where my wedding ring was.... I hadn't worn it in a while and I guess he noticed. I told him I was tired of it. Of all of it basically. I just want something different. I told him I was too young and I should have listened to everyone. Ugh. I so should have.
We got ice cream later in Sperryville. We just had a lovely day. I told Shane I was with Liz. Bad Hilary.
We went back to his house and started to watch 'Love Actually.' We bickered a lot and paused the movie so much.
Um, he was sitting in front of my on the floor and I had my leg draped over his shoulder. He was even rubbing my feet and just be so....I don't even know. Nice. Attentive. Sexy. Great. Refreshing.
I was picking on him A LOT and so he decided he was going to tickle the shit out of me! We were rolling all over the floor just having so much fun. It was great. I love spending time with him. I really do. I figured I would.
So, after all of that - it was like 9:45 and he took me back to my car. We were standing at my car not saying goodbye. I couldn't and he couldn't. There was like some pull of something. It was strange, but exhilarating. I messed up his hair and then he said, "To make that up to me, you need to kiss me on my cheek." I so wanted to just take him and make out with him at that...but I didn't. I'm chicken.
Sunday morning, I had a text from him that said:
Drive Carefully. Sorry. My bad.
What's your bad?
Thought I upset you when I asked for a kiss on the cheek. Either way I had fun yesterday. Don't remember the last time I laughed that much.
Thought about kissing you, but not on the cheek.
Well please hold on to that thought until I see you again.
That won't be a problem.
U sure? You seem to have memory problems, Dory. Don't make it too long till the next time else you might forget. Gonna miss you today.
Let's just say that's what my mind wouldn't shut up about the other night.
If you had told me that yesterday, we could have watched an extra movie.
In case you haven't noticed, I get a little tongue-tied around you.
I had. Sometimes I think there is a lot you want to say, but you don't know whether you should. Same thing happens with me.
Anyway, for what it's worth, I like you just the way you are.
Then the shit hit the fan.....Shane knows I'm attracted to someone else though he doesn't know how much or anything....just that I am. He wants to fix it. I don't. I can't tell him that though. it sounds heartless. Well, it is heartless. Very, very. I think I just have fucking issues. Huge HUGE issues. I don't know what to do about any of this. I don't know if I want to do anything. I should want to, right?