Daily Musings

That which goes wrong in the night

<sub>When i wake up each morning I lay there thinking of my long day ahead. Each day seems like a repetition of the one before. I try to change the way I stand up and walk to the bathroom..or maybe today I would use the toilet and then brush. Monotony is my biggest pet peeve. It irks me to know that I am powerless to make time go slower or faster to accommodate my feelings.

Just the other night I told myself I have writing.com at my complete disposal to write anything in the world I want.. i procrastinate to no end until finally I'm here..giving words to my feelings of loneliness and despair. My world is shaking at the seams and I keep trying to repair the threads that bind my sanity together with courage. One day just one day I wish I wouldn't have to struggle so hard to maintain a happy medium for my kids and my mom.
I want to be able to breathe freely knowing I am good provider and that maybe my eldest doesn't have that Nintendo D S she has been craving for years but she has her eyeglasses so she could finally read and watch TV. My toddler can spell and get on line all by herself and uses words like professional and polite. Thank God I could pay for mom's doctors appointments and really i am managing but really I want to OWN it.
The right to feel relief and calm has a high price..I believe I shall have to carry great responsibilities for the rest of my life and never l've a moments peace. :sigh:</sub>