Everything In Life Happens For A Reason

My new home away from home

I had to be admitted. Mommy and Dr McQuinn had to take care of that.

I know that this means that this hospital is going to be my new home for as long it is needed.

My body is going to have to learn how to do things it has never done before. I am essentially a baby still in some ways. I need to be toilet trained. I still wear a diaper I don't know how to crawl right. I only know how to drag my legs behind me. I don't know how to stand. I have a fear of falling so I don't even try to stand.

I don't like goodbyes so I didn't say it to Leigh or anyone I just told them if I am admitted for therapy I will be back when I am better and I will be OK. I never cry when I go to the hospital. I always smile because I know what a lucky little girl I am I have seen kids that can't talk I've seen kids with no arms or legs or both. I've seen kids that are blind,deaf or both.

I know I have a lot to learn yet,but I also know that I am determined to succeed no matter what it takes. When I think about what is ahead of me I thank God because I know things could be so much worse for me...

I knew mommy packed a bag for me,but she bought everything new that is just the way mommy was. She wouldn't let me bring anything I wanted with me. It made me very sad because I was very attached to my blanket. I couldn't sleep without it at night. I held it at night especially on nights when Leigh wasn't with me.

Before I had my surgery and I had to sleep in a hospital bed Leigh and I shared a bedroom and we slept together in a double bed,so I was used to having her near me when I slept. I often didn't sleep well or would have bad dreams,so I would often (OK I admit it was every night) reach over and wake Leigh up and ask her if I could hold her.

Leah would tease me and say,"aw man again? No!"

I would cry and beg her please Leigh! I can't sleep. I'm scared! I had a bad dream! I just need to put my arm on you so I can feel you there. I promise I will go right back to sleep.

Leigh would get tired of me whining and give in. I knew she would cause she always did and I would snuggle up real close to her back,as close as I could get (Smile) put my little arm on her side and fall sound to sleep a happy little girl! I am such a brat. I am really not trying to be I just love my sister.

I knew that once mommy got me settled into my room. I was going to have to say goodbye to her. I didn't want mommy to know I was upset or sad. I put on my strong happy face for her. I was good at it too because she never knew about lots of things I held inside.

Mommy went to the gift shop and bought me some coloring books and crayons. a doll. some puzzles.The doll looked like Mrs.Beasley,so that is what I named her.

I could tell mommy didn't want to leave me,but she knew she had to soon because it was a long ride to take mommy home. Then ride back home to Pennsylvania in the same day and my sister Gwen and her family had already came to Wildwood,N.J once today and picked us up and brought us here to the hospital. This would be their second trip today to take mommy home.

"Mommy I understand that you have to leave."
"Come see me soon as you can. Tell Leigh I love her."

"You want me to leave?"

"No mommy I just know you have too! I will be O.K.."

"O.K. You be a good girl and do what they tell you."

"I will mommy. I love you!"

"I love you too and remember keep the faith!"

I will mommy. I knew I was going to be afraid when mommy left,but I wasn't going to tell anyone. It wasn't long after mommy left before a nurse came in to check on me.

I wasn't in a private room there was three other beds in the room so the room was big! I was happy about that I didn't want to be in a room by myself.

The nurse said,"Hello Marcy my name is Susan. I am going to be your nurse tonight. Have you met any of your roommates yet?"

I smiled at her as I shook my head no.

Susan smiled back at me and said,"They must've all been gone already before you arrived. Someone from physical therapy wants to come down and meet you,so you will be having a visitor. You don't start therapy until tomorrow,but your therapist wants to start to get to know you today. Do you need or want anything before I leave the room?

Yes.I peed.I need to be changed.

Oh don't worry about that I will be glad to change you.

I felt sad because I was still in diapers.

"You are here for us to teach you many different things. Potty training is only one of many things are you up for the challenge?"

I looked up at Susan and said, "Yes with a big smile!"

Susan changed me then she asked me, "Can you tell when you have to go potty?"

I said,"Yes."

"OK then when you feel like you have to go potty you ring the bell for the nurse and I will come put you on the potty. deal?"

I said, "Deal,but what if I don't make it?"

Susan said,"Things take time sweetie. I don't expect you to learn over night."

I liked Susan.She liked to smile a lot like me.She made me feel safe and she spoke with a real soft voice.

Susan asked me if I wanted to sit in the chair and watch T.V. I told her I couldn't sit by myself very well. She smiled and said,Well that is an easy fix. Susan went to the closet.She brought out a belt it looked like a small strap,but she showed me me that it was long enough to go around my waist. Susan explained that she would put this strap around my waist to help hold me steady while I sit in the chair.

I said,"o.k.,but please don't leave me because I am afraid I will fall."

Susan said,"I can't stay in here with you,but I can get an aide to sit with you.Would you like that?"

"No,can't I just watch T.V. in bed?"

"It is better for you to be out of bed sweetie and you need to get used to sitting up on your own. Will you please try?"

"O.K.I will try,but am scared!"

"I won't make you sit up long this first time. Just a half hour."

O.K.,I said sadly.

I was so tiny and weighed very little for a child my age that it was easy for Susan to lift me to the chair. Susan put the strap around my waist then she buzzed the nurses station. While we were waiting for the aide to arrive she asked me what I wanted to watch. I told her Sesame Street. It was one of my favorite shows. I loved Big Bird,Mr. Snuffaluffagus,The cookie Monster,Ernie and Bert. I also told Susan that I liked to sing.

Finally the aide came in. Susan said,"Cindy this is Marcy. We are working on two things already. Potty training and sitting up in the chair. Marcy is afraid she is going to fall,so she wants you to sit with her while she is sitting up in the chair. I told her she only has to sit up for a half hour today."

Cindy said," No problem I would be glad to sit with our new patient."