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Rated: 18+ · Book · Comedy · #1822710
Kids make bad teachers lives miserable so they will quit.
#738199 added December 13, 2011 at 7:35pm
Restrictions: None
AP Classes Cut
It was graduation day at Deckard’s academy in Herington, CT (a prosperous suburb of New York City.) Bob Jeans was the valedictorian whose speech was mainly about him and how much he had accomplished whether it was leading the Crew team to state championships or getting an A+ in ever class. All of the adults were clapping while all of the students gave him an angry look. This was not his graduation, in fact he was only a sophomore in high school but he did so well that the faculty thought it would be best if he were valedictorian for the graduating class. He received every award that he could receive; one student complained when he received the community service award claiming that Bob was a selfish bastard but the kid was ejected from the ceremony. Bob left while waving to everyone and when none of the students would talk to him he just figured that he was too good to hang out with them.
When Bob got home he realized that he was out of underwear so he decided to go to Manhattan to shop at Saks for some new underwear. He searched all of the different designers, he noticed that the Giorgio Armani underwear was only $150 a piece and he thought that that wasn’t enough for a pair of underwear, he was baffled when he was that there was a pair of Burberry underwear for only $100, he nearly puked. He had purchased 6 pairs of underwear from Gucci for $300 each. After he purchased the underwear he noticed a suit that had a certain texture of red lines that none of his other suits have; he asked about the price and the cashier told him it was $1,500 dollars, which is where Bob walked away because he couldn’t stand to pay that little for a suit while leaving Saks, he saw a gorgeous teenage girl named Sally Crow crying. Sally expressed about how she didn’t want to go home to see her parents continue to fight and so Bob offered her a chance to stay with him at the Plaza. The next morning Bob got a call from his mother on his 18k iPhone and told him that he needed to come home, which is where he left the girl before she woke up to get to Grand Central in order to meet the next train back to Herington.
Bob hadn’t always been this selfish. He once had a girlfriend named Sally Lake, who he dated from the time he was nine to the time he was 13. The two of them did everything together which included going to the movies, going to the beach, he would even play Barbie dolls with her when they were little just to make her happy. He had never had sex with her because he cared so much about her and he didn’t want to ruin the relationship. When they were both in eight grades she abandoned everyone one day and wasn’t heard of again. He was so upset about this that he didn’t even bother to find out what happened to her and from that day forward he only cared about himself because he didn’t want to waste his time with other people and have them abandon him.
While Bob was taking the train back home, reflecting on how much he respected his father even tough his father. Bob’s grandfather had grown up during the depression and had no future but after serving as a paratroopers jumping into Normandy on D-Day, he had managed to get a loan to buy a house in a working class suburb of New York hoping it would provide an education for his children. When his son, George Jeans was born, he had always thought outside of the box. He remembered being a kid during the second red scare and hearing about attacking Korea so the communist North Korea couldn’t take over. He had remembered how we got rid of the leaders in Iran and Guatemala since they were communists. He remembered McCarthy going too far, he remembered the execution of the Rosenberg’s, and he remembered how he was a huge Dalton Trumbo fan and than the blacklist happened. One night when Edward Airmail said “goodnight and good luck”, it occurred to George that instead of fearing many of these rulers that people could make money from them instead. After the Great Leap Forward in China, George realized that with all of the money that Mao Zedong must have made by taking all of the resources away from the people that he may want to spend it on something that would symbolize his status. George realized that one thing he cold sell to totalitarian rulers to symbolize their power would be high-end toilets. George convinced his father to sell the family house during the 60’s so he could purchase enough gold to make a golden toilet for $50,000. Due to the fact that Americans were not allowed to visit China during this time period, George arranged to meet with Mao in Russia where Mao was impressed by the toilet and paid $2,000,000 for it. Over the years, George sold toilets to Castro, Pol Pot, Ho Chi Ming, Ghmar Kaddafi, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jo Il, Sedum Hussein, Allityah Alliah Kenyoh, and Bill Clinton. He had become a millionaire by the eighties and billionaire by the nineties.
When Bob got home it was announced that George had invested millions in his own company and borrowed money that he didn’t even have to invest more in it, however since many of the military leaders had been overthrown in other countries, no one was buying high end toilets anymore so the Jeans were now bankrupt. They had to sell their house and move to a working class neighborhood in Herington. Life in a working class neighborhood was not easy for Bob, the first day his 1080p Sony HDTV broke and he needed a new television, he only had $500 left so he was stuck going to Wal-Mart, which he had heard of but had never been to. When Bob entered Wal-Mart, he could not see for a minute due to the florescent lighting, which is something he had never seen before. He was disgusted by the looks of the clothing and appliances, the only thing in the store that was familiar to him were the video games, which he had to pass in order to get to the televisions. He was disgusted by how he could only get a 720p TV with his leftover money and was about to cry but contained himself. While he was driving home he was saddened thinking people would look less highly upon because he was driving a camary instead of the Bentley that his parents had bought him for his sixteenth birthday, which he had to sell since he no longer had the money to maintain it. When he went home he spoke to his parents about going back to Deckard’s in the fall and they told him that the school received too many complaints from other parents about giving him a scholarship because of the way he treated their kids and how they didn’t want any of the money going to support him. He was now stuck going to public school at John Glenn High School for his junior year. John Glenn High School had a terrible reputation due to the fact that when a teacher was acquitted a few years ago for taking some of his personal anger out on a kid with severe autism in special ed, he had managed to use tactics to make the jury think he didn’t do it and he was acquitted. Every union nearby gave him the money they normally used to bribe politicians so he could use it for everybody making the schools union so powerful that no teacher could be fired. Ever since this happened, John Glenn has become to worst school in the state. The school surprisingly had an amazing AP class, which was used to make the school look good. Even though only 5% of the students at John Glenn High School went to college. That consisted of all of the AP students in which 25% of them went off to the ivy leagues. Bob realized that he could go to the AP classes and excel them and then he would be off the Princeton where he would be able to build up another business and become rich again.
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