Dave the Devil needs a hand, he wants to bring back the dark ages.
|He sat on the wall and took a large bite of his Donna kebab. The extra chili sauce burned the top of his mouth as the greasy meat slipped down his gullet.
The vision of Dave returned to him, what the hell was that all about?
Drinking on an empty stomach had given him trouble before, but nothing like that.
He froze, across the road Lisa was walking arm in arm with a man. He shut his eyes again, shook his head then opened them. She was still there. She looked fantastic, wearing a flowing white dress she skipped lightly next to a tall good looking man. He put his arm around her to protect from the cold chill of the evening. Michael bit into his Kebab, not even the sight of his estranged wife of a few hours looking happy in the arms of another man could shake the earlier vision, to which only a full stomach could quell.
She leant over and kissed his cheek, they both stopped, Michael dropped his food on the floor as he witness his wife’s first passionate kiss for a long time.
The thought of his strange vision left him, pain and anger replaced confusion. He felt a stabbing in his guts, he bent double; the greasy meat forced its way back up from his stomach, and the chilly sauce took the opportunity to burn again as it passed his mouth on its way to the pavement.
The concoction of meat, drink and bile splattered on the pavement splashing his shoes. Despite the noise and the fact he sat beneath a street light, the couple seemed oblivious to him.
The man looked up and down the street and Michael watched as his giggling wife got pulled into an alley way. Darkness closed over the couple and gave them the privacy they sought.
Michael stood up, giddy with emotion. He felt his soul being ripped out. When Lisa left him earlier, she’d been grey, empty, the cause of so much resentment. She’d stopped him enjoying himself, got in the way of his pleasure. A thorn in his side he wanted rid of. He’d felt happiness as he sat in his chair with a drink in hand surrounded by quiet; free to do what he wanted.
So why the pain, he’d gotten what he’d wanted, even if he hadn’t admitted to himself for months.
Lisa emerged from the darkness into the lit street; she wiped her mouth on a handkerchief. T man followed a moment later adjusting his belt. Michael’s gut wrenched again spilling more bile on the ground.
She giggled and skipped off down the pavement with her arm around her new catch.
Michael followed, twisted up inside his perverse curiosity willing him on. He kept to the shadows to avoid being seen, although Lisa looked so delirious, he could have driven past in a double-decker bus with a billboard size photo of himself, and she wouldn’t have seen it.
He followed the couple to a hotel. The light over the door shone on the sign, ‘The Nook’. Michael stopped across the street and watched the pair climb the steps. The man stepped forward and opened the door; he bowed and swept his arm in front of Lisa. She laughed and walked past him nodding in his direction as she went.
Michael knew he was a distant thought as she entered the hotel where she’d no doubt do her best to fuck away his memory.
“Bitch, she said there wasn't anyone, BITCH” He paced up and down the street. As if from nowhere thoughts of bursting in mid fuck and killing both of them punctured his mind. They felt good, a solution to the pain coursing around him. He could murder away the issue.
“Alright love?” Came a voice from behind him.
He turned to see a scantily dressed girl.
“You fancy a good time?”
“You don’t really say that do you? I just thought it was in the movies”
“Ok, do you want to fuck?”
“That’s better, direct and to the point, after all a good time to me might be standing in a station writing down passing train numbers, and I bet that’s not your idea of one is it?” The girl stared at him chewing on her gum. “Normally I’d say no, but due to the fact that my, ‘all of three hours ago’ wife is in that hotel being fucked by some guy, has turned this night into a lucky one for you”
“Yeah, lucky me” She said
“Great, a sarcastic prozzie, how much?”
“You want anal?”
“What, in mine or yours?”
“Can we just see how it pans out,”
“You asked the question”
“Spose, yeah anal it is then, why not? That bitch never let me do it to her.”
Michael’s twisted agony had subsided somewhat with the thought of his own carnal desires being satisfied, even if he did have to pay for it.
“Right, your place or mine?”
“Mine if you like.”
“And where would that be?” The girl pointed across the road to ‘The nook’ “Fuckin great…” He said.
The irony wasn’t lost on the girl either.
They walked across the road; Michael leapt up the last step and held the door. He bowed and swept his arm in front of the unimpressed girl who’s arse he was about to rent.
The man behind the counter reached back without looking up from his book, grabbed a key and threw it across to the girl.
“Pay her the room” He grunted “fifty pounds.”
“For her for the room…” The big man looked up, “Sorry, teach English you see, can’t help it” The man expression remained unchanged “Fine, fine, not a problem.”
The girl had climbed half-way up to the stairs already. Michael followed her up getting a great view of what he was about to pay for.
“No knickers, classy”
She stopped and put the key in the door, pushed it open and went in.
A double bed sat in the corner with a bright orange cover hiding god knows how many stains.
The girl got undressed remarkably quick; she crawled onto the bed on all fours and displayed her wares.
“Very nice” He said, “Can’t we get to know each other first?”
“It’s by the hour, but if you want to talk about your wife fucking next door, it’s nothing to do with me.”
“What do you mean, nothing to do with you? Course it’s nothing to do with you.”
The girl shrugged her shoulders. “And thanks for reminding me.”
Michael looked at the naked girl in front of him “Right, come on then, assume the position”
“Thought you wanted to talk?”
“Fuck off I’ve got a mate down the pub who’ll do that for free, you on the other hand, have got a tight little arse that I’m paying for by the hour, come on bend over.”
Michael dropped his trousers to reveal his adequate erection. He moved forward as the girl readied herself for the third penetration of the night.
Michael licked his lips as he nudged at the tight opening. B he had time to go any further an almighty CRASH halted the proceedings as the door burst open.
Michael spun around. His erect penis followed half a second later but momentum carried it on to slap against his thigh. It sprung back and pointed directly at a police officer who stood in the doorway aiming a Tazer at his bare chest.
He hesitated then thrust his hands up to the ceiling, wanting to make it quite clear that he had no weapon and posed no threat to anyone pointing a Tazer at him.
“WOAH, WOAH…WHATS GOING ON”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, POLICE”
All three officers looked down, at Michael’s proud erection.
The girl spun around on the bed and covered herself with the grubby stained bed sheet.
“Both of you, get dressed…I’m arresting you on suspicion of having sex with a minor”
“I can assure you… She’s never been near a coal face....” Michael swore her heard a giggle from one of the coppers.
“GET ON THE FLOOR” The officer yelled as he stepped forward, “What, get on the floor or put my clothes on?”
The shock flashed across his chest. His whole body locked as fifty thousand volts coursed through his system. The clicking revered around the room as Michael’s eyes rolled to the back of his head.
The clicking stopped, and silence replaced it. The charge held, then subsided. Michael’s locked muscles relaxed and he slumped to the floor with a horrid noise. The officers and the girl looked on in disbelief as his erection held fast.
Michael felt his voice return, “Viagra” He whispered as explanation, “Wanted to get my” He gasped “money’s worth…”
The copper picked Michael off the floor and cuffed him. He could barely stand as his legs did their best under the circumstances.
“Come with me, we’ll have to sort this down the station.
Michael half stumbled; half shuffled through the door after the police man who’d slammed fifty thousand volts through his body. They reached the bottom of the stairs, and Michael glanced across at the large man behind the desk. He slowly looked up and stared directly at Michael. Time slowed down, and all noise ground to a holt.
The man’s head spun around three hundred and sixty degrees. Michael winced as the sound of breaking bone and ripping flesh rebounded off the walls, the man’s eyes were black and his skin began blister and drip from his face. His lips were tied together with strips of leather and as he spoke they cracked and ripped open.
A deep crackled voice that emanated from the pit of the man’s stomach erupted from the torn and blooded hole where once there was a mouth.
“Don’t forget, I'm watching you Mikey boy…”
Michael forced his eyes away; he focused on the back of the frozen police man’s neck,
“It’s not real…it’s not real” Michael closed his eyes and opened them again.
“I’m afraid it’s very real sir” the copper smirked.
“Not you you cunt, the twisty head face dripping Devil bastard over there”
The door of the meat wagon opened, and Michael slammed against the back wall as the copper threw him in with all his might, his head crashed against the hard metal instantly splitting his skin. “Don’t fucking move” The officer said. Michael wondered where he thought he was going to go. He was semi naked, and his whole body felt like he’d gone ten rounds with the big Russian bloke from Rocky two…Dulf someone or other…and he still had an erection, and he was locked in the back of a police Ford Transit.
The van stunk of every vile smell possible. Michael covered his nose with his hand. He looked through the welded steel grid and watched a tussle head towards the van. The doors opened, and his wife’s new man was shoved inside. Michael looked at him.
“Well it was” the man replied, his arrogance changing the context of the statement. Before Michael had the chance to tell him to FUCK OFF, he began his tale. Michael sat open mouthed.
“Been pretty mental actually, I was in this bar, and this gorgeous woman came up to me.” The man hadn’t noticed that Michael was sat as he was, if he’d taken the time to look, he may have found it a bit odd. He carried on regardless. “I started all the normal crap, want a drink, do you come here often," Twat; Michael thought “Then she goes, ‘Cut the shit, I’ve not had a decent fuck for god knows how long; I've just split from my wanker of husband, and if you do as I say, you can shag me all night’
The man hadn’t noticed the look on Michael’s face. He sat dumb founded as he listened to the tail of his wife’s first carnal exploit away from the marital bed, at least he hoped it’d been the first. “Did she say anything else about her husband?”
“No, she was too busy with my cock to worry about that looser; she was fucking rampant”
Michael flew across the transit at the gloating man. He pushed his arms out in front of him and grabbed at the man’s throat. The man disappeared from view, and Michael’s face slammed against the side of the van.
“FUCK” He said as his face crumpled against the cold metal.
“What the fuck’s your problem” The man said as he pinned Michael down.
“Let go you cunt” Michael’s face hurt as the man continued to push.
“I’ll let go if you calm down.”
“OK, OK… Fuck”
“Going to calm down?”
The man eased his hand away from the back of Michael’s head.
Michael turned and launched his right fist at the man’s head. He felt a tight grip on his wrist, and a pressure behind him pushed him forward. His head hit the opposite side of the van, and he winched as a sharp pain landed in the centre of his back.
“That’s not being calm now is it?” Said the man. “We can do this as much as you like”
“Alright, alright,” The man eased back and Michael took his face off the wall.
His eye started to swell from the first impact, and blood ran from his nose.
“I’m fifth Dan Jujitsu, whatever problem you have I suggest you forget it before you get hurt.”
“What’d you mean get hurt…” Michael said as he sat down and rubbed his jaw “I’m the husband” He said under his breath.
“I’m the fucking husband”
“What, the wanker?”
“Yes the wanker, hang on, what kind of wanker?”
“Does it matter?”
“Well yeah, one could be construed as factually correct; the other is an opinion”
The man clenched his fist and shook it up and down in front of him.
Michael nodded, “Yeah…that’s me.”
“Well that explains the outburst, bit of bad luck wasn’t it, us being in that hotel”
“Yeah, something like that…”
“Look. If I’d known who you were, I wouldn’t have mentioned the blow job bit.”
Michael shifted uncomfortably on the hard plastic bench as the thud of the van doors echoed around. “Oh, thanks, yeah, that would have helped.”
“Looks like we're off”
The van pulled forward then stopped, there was a pause and the back doors flung open.
“You two, fuck off…”
The pair looked at each other, then without much hesitation jumped out onto the street.
“What, were free to go?”
“Yeah, can’t be arsed with the paper work”
“Ah, the great British justice system”
“I’d fuck off if was you, she was sixteen last week; you were lucky”
The officer walked around to the front of the van; the door slammed, and the two men were left standing in a cloud of diesel fumes at the meat wagon pulled away.
The man started back up the stairs to the nook.
“Where you going?”
“I paid good money for that room, recon your wife might want round two”
“Mother fucker” Michael said as he watched the man disappear.
It started to rain. Michael contemplated going after him, but his face hurt from his last attempt to smack him, so he thought better of it. He thought of the prozzy still up in the room, should he?