Everyday Canvas

When to Apologize

Prompt: Some people apologize for everything, whether an apology is needed or not. When and under which conditions, do you think, an apology should be necessary?

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Where we need to apologize is simply where an apology is necessary: That is, where and when we know we have been wrong and have wronged or harmed someone or something such as an institution. If we keep apologizing, yet keep doing the same thing, that apology is a sham. It is also baseless to use an apology to fortify an excuse or an alibi. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”

An apology is a serious thing and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. I know someone who starts her objections with a, “Excuse me but…” whenever she disagrees with a certain notion. It is a useless way of using speech, same as saying “you know” with each statement. Why should anyone apologize for her or his difference of opinion? Wouldn’t just saying, “I think differently,” "I disagree," or "In my opinion..." be enough?

In the same category are the expressions used by people who need to explain and justify every decision and action they take. Although they are excuses and not direct apologies and at times they may be necessary, more often than not, they just waste the explainer’s energy. I am talking about expressions such as:
“What I was trying to do was…”
“You have me wrong; what I meant was…”
“What I wanted to really say…”

Then, where should we not apologize? First and the simplest answer is: When we are not sorry, and for what is the truth. Truth of us and for what we believe in. We don’t need to apologize for our feelings, dreams, lifestyle, the way we live, our appearance, our religious, sexual, or political preferences, our relationships, and all our values and purposes; in short, for our personal choices and priorities.

On the other hand, a heartfelt apology can help repair any relationship or wrongdoing; although the machos like John Wayne may say in a movie, “Never apologize, mister, it’s a sign of weakness.” Just when anyone is so great, important, and proud that they can’t offer a humble and sincere apology to someone they have hurt?

An apology should be based on the truth that it carries with it, and I believe, most of the time, a sincere apology shows an impeccable character in a highly evolved human being.