blog of a person who seems to be invisible...
|Good morning all, It's just me, again.
let's see I think things are going well for me I have a new look, new attitude, new friends, and an old life. I have spent my time thinking about my personal mistakes and failures, bad choices, being the PITA( that's pain in the a%$) over the past year or two. I have come to a conclusion... and that is that , while, yes, i failed at times, I succeed in others. Where I once saw a friend, I now see an enemy, or nothing at all.
That isn't to say I don't have friends, but certain ones, the ones I risked everything for, and treated more horribly than I have ever treated anybody in my life, Are now no longer around me, pushing their influence on my life, out of my life. So I can be a better man. Because I am a better man. I have ideals, thoughts, a heart bigger than anybody knows( I just wear it on my sleeve and that gets me into trouble). I deserve good people in my life, like my Masonic lodge brothers, and other trusted people, one in particular, who did nothing wrong but who I hurt very very deeply to the point that I cant be forgiven.
Out of all the bridges I have burned, its that one I regret burning the most. I at one time did think the grass was greener on the other side of the fence, only to find out the one green spot was what I was seeing, the rest of the yard was dead and /or dying.
I am writing more. I push myself when I do write. I use my past in my writing a lot.For example, I have killed off a certain character like 12 times and she just keeps coming back like a bad weed. Haven't quite figured a way to keep her gone. My character has beat her, hung her, drawn and quartered her, staked her, crucified her, drowned her, burned her at the stake, and like a weed she just keeps coming back. But in reality, its fun killing her off, and kind of satisfying in a way.
Oh well, its off to work now. Over all, I am well, and getting better each and every day. I'm realizing I really don't need someone in my life to make me happy, I do just fine on my own, especially now that I'm much colder than I was before, however, I want someone there. And I will have it...One day.