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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/947900-maintaining-calm
by Rhyssa
Rated: 18+ · Book · Contest Entry · #2081410
my entries for the Construct Cup
#947900 added December 20, 2018 at 11:44pm
Restrictions: None
maintaining calm
I’m calm,
so calm.
too calm, entering the room
not slamming the door
behind me,
deliberate movements.

only with the door closed
and locked,
with the soundproofing
guaranteed in place,
do I finally scream

all the things I didn’t say,
I wanted to say.
I shouldn’t say because
I really do love her
and I really want what’s best for her
but why does she have to
stamp on each and every
nerve—being around her
is like a hammer to the funny bone.

once, I dropped a ceramic
cookie off an apartment building.
it shattered beautifully.
I cleaned up after.

I like the sound of crashing.
plates against the wall,
cups. the good china that she
put on her wish list
because everyone wants china,
if only to throw it.

watch it shatter
watch it again in slow motion,
the place setting leaving my hands
to separate in the air into
component pieces—cup,
three plates, two bowls—
and then the explosion
against the wall. beautiful sound.

and I’m screaming until
my voice is broken
and I’ve said everything I didn’t say
because I didn’t want to hurt her.
didn’t want to hurt him.
didn’t want to hurt them,
and I rub my hands until
they stop shaking.

I turn and leave the room,
hearing the mess melt back
whole behind me,
and when I see her again,
I have a smile
a kind word,
and the calm memory of her precious things
exploding musically beneath
my shoes.

line count: 55

Prompt

© Copyright 2018 Rhyssa (UN: sadilou at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Rhyssa has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/947900-maintaining-calm