by U.B. Schultz
This is where you can find my works in progress and advice that I have for other writers.
Sabrina: sarcastic, diva, ‘queen of burns’, can be a little annoying, gets straight to the point, despises fruit punch, interrupts a lot
Jasper: mischievous, video game nerd, confident, thinks of himself as brilliant, people pleaser, diffuses fights with humor, bored with movie’s plot line
Kane: sweet, patient, manages things pretty well, has good ideas, peacekeeper
Natalie: gentle, teasing, can be loud when she wants to make a point, hard worker, good at impersonations, can really become a character if she wants
Fabian: sensitive, fights with Sabrina a lot, acts stiffly, a little rude, loud, short temper
Director: impatient, wants to make it big in Hollywood, works with what she’s got, frustrated with cast, favorite word is ‘cut!’, do not touch her script, everything must be perfect, divahood will not be tolerated
Stunt Doubles: three boys, two girls, stuck on themselves, think movie is all about them and think their scenes are the best, athletic, fight with stagehands constantly, suck up to the director
Stagehands: two or three boys or girls, witty, fed up with all the fighting, do odd jobs, smooth over hostilities, make sure things run smoothly
The War for the Movie
Five actors, Sabrina, Kane, Jasper, Natalie, and Fabian are on a stage practicing for the movie, Supernatural. The director and a stagehand are below. The stagehand is filming while the director directs. The five stunt doubles are on stage right practicing for the battle scenes.
Sabrina: rolls eyes My name is Burn.
Kane: My name is Cassiday.
Jasper: My name is Glitch.
Natalie: My name is Naren.
All actors: Something supernatural happened to all of us.
Sabrina: I can move a three-hundred-ton object with a snap of my fingers.
Kane: I can travel at the speed of light.
Sabrina: Well your mind can.
Jasper: I glitch. Like how some characters do in video games.grins I guess the name kind of gave it away.
Natalie: And I happen to be from another universe.
Fabian: stomps on Jasper’s foot
Fabian: Don’t forget me!
Sabrina: growls We didn’t forget you brosowsky. We just didn’t introduce you.
Fabian: steps forward The name’s Fives.
Sabrina: crosses arms Yeah, yeah whatever. So anyways, this guy-
Sabrina: Fives can pick up anything and turn it into ash.
Fabian: stiffly That’s actually not what I do. I’m a shapeshifter.
Jasper: pushes Fabian and Sabrina apart Are you two lovebirds done chatting yet? gives each of them a knowing smile
Sabrina and Fabian: Wait!? What!?
Jasper: puts hands over head Nothing. Just lightening the mood.
Natalie: fake announcer voice Ladies and gentlemen, our two contestants are at a major crossroad. Two choices. Are they going to argue all day or save reality?
Director: shouts Cut!
The stage hand runs off to backstage with the camera.
Director climbs onto stage
Director: That was terrible! You all went off script and began to fight! It is in your contract that you will do exactly as I tell you!
Sabrina: It is also in my contract that there will be no fruit punch on this set. Why is there fruit punch in the party scene?!
Director: No more divahood on this stage! I will not tolerate it! Bring in the stunt doubles!
Stunt doubles come in with sunglasses on. The boys are wearing girl wigs, and the girls are wearing their hair in buns.
Director: mutters If I have to use all of these stunt doubles here as my actors to make it big here in Hollywood, I will.
Stunt double #1: flips wig hair So when are you going to put us in more scenes D?
Stunt double #2: puts arm around director. Yeah D. You know all of our scenes are the best.
Stunt double #3: makes square with hands Picture this: You on stage at the academy awards, named best director of the year. The movie has made billions of dollars. People are raving about it, and you. They all want to know what your secret is, and you don’t tell them, at least the whole story, but your secret is using the stunt doubles as your main actors and incorporating lots of action scenes.
Director: Maybe I’ll convince our scriptwriter to put in a few more fight scenes, but now, rehearse!
Stagehand comes back with camera and fight scene ensues between Stunt Doubles. Fight scene finishes.
Director: Cut! Nicely done. Now get backstage while I do more director stuff.
Stunt double #4: Sure will D!
Stunt double #5: whispers We killed it.
Actors file onto stage. Director makes stagehand sit in chair with camera, still filming.
Director: pacing You have all been terrible! Your acting is stiff. You don’t stay with the script. I have warned you all about not sticking to it-
Fabian: mutters It would be a lot easier if this one points at Sabrina wasn’t such a diva.
Director: I do realize that you don’t always get along, but I need you to focus and try to pull it together.
A crash echoes across the stage. The stunt doubles are in the midst of a cat fight.
Director: yells Stop it! I am trying to have a director moment here! Stagehands! Please go break up the cat fight!
Jasper: Cats?! The little devils plotting to take over the world?! I’m going to go help.
Jasper and stagehands run backstage.
Director: yells Fight scene!
Stunt doubles and stage hands fight. Jasper comes in with a rope and stunt doubles run frantically, Stage hands surround stunt doubles and grab Jasper’s rope. They then tie stunt doubles up.
Stage hands: We captured their stunt doubles!
Stunt double #2: What are we in, Spaceballs?
Director: Cut! I said break them up! Not tie them up.
Camera Stagehand: Well that can easily be done… takes out scissors and smiles maliciously
Stunt double #4: shrieks Augh!!
Camera Stagehand: What? I was just going to cut the ropes to break them up.
Stagehand #2: I think that you overdid it with the malicious smile.
Stunt double #1: I think she’s been under too much stress.
Stagehand #3: Yeah. Let’s make the rest of today’s shift a little different.
The actors, stagehands and stunt doubles rearrange the director’s work area and put director on beach chair. Director wakes up.
Sabrina: That was quite the shock you had.
Natalie: marching on stage All right troops! We have a lot to do! There are scenes to be rehearsed, a director to please, and fights to resolve! Let’s move, move, move!
Camera stagehand: salutes Yes sir!
Natalie: Don’t call me sir! Do I look like a sir to you?
Camera Stagehand: No ma’am!
Everyone then begins to change the scene to make it seem like a military headquarters.
Sabrina: Hey, so what am I supposed to do?
Natalie: Grab the fruit punch from the makeup trailer!
Sabrina: I would rather die.
Camera Stagehand: That can be arranged…
Sabrina: puts up hands Fine, fine. I’ll do it. Just keep those things points at scissors away from me!
Director: speaking to Natalie Wow. You really got our diva problem under control. How’d you do it?
Natalie: Well it was all Kane’s idea really. You should ask her.
Fabian: Also, while we’re on the subject, why is ‘Cut!’ your favorite word?
Kane is in the back with lots of charts and is currently explaining a phase of her plan to Jasper.
Kane: … so once the actors are in place our stunt doubles are going to go through a costume change…
Jasper taps Kane on shoulder
Kane: Oh, hi director!
Director: sits back No, no carry on. You’re doing fine. whispers to stagehands Can we film this please?
Stagehands close curtains.
Stagehand #2: Eight months later…
Stagehands open curtains. The scene has changed to where it appears that they are all at the academy awards on the red carpet. Actors, actresses, directors, and reporters are everywhere. Many of them are holding their awards and chatting with each other.
Reporter: I’m here at the Academy Awards and a miracle has happened! The War for the Movie has won multiple awards, and it was filmed, edited, and produced in only eight months. The movie has made billions! Oh and look! Here’s the director and her amazing cast now!
Director and crew and cast are making their way through the crowd and waving off paparazzi.
Reporter: Director Milliken, you have been named best director of the year. What’s your secret?
Director: My secret? Oh, as my stunt doubles said at one point: ‘My secret is using my stunt doubles as my main actors and incorporating lots of action scenes.’
Reporter looks shocked and drops microphone.
Director: laughs No way. I was joking. My secret is going with the flow and my amazing little sister, Kane.
Reporter: So you’re saying…
Director: Yes. Kane Milliken who plays Cassiday in The War for the Movie is my little sister is my co-director.
Sabrina: interrupts Wait! You just drop this whole information bomb right now and expect us to swallow it!
Fabian: grabs Sabrina’s arm Of course she does, oh queen of burns. She’s the director.
Kane: being mobbed by reporters Yes, I am an actor and part time director. No there is nothing going on between those two. In a word, complicated. No there’s not going to be a sequel.
Natalie and Jasper push the reporters out of the way so that way Kane can breath.
Natalie: Okay folks! I think we’ve had enough questions. We need to go support our director.
Jasper: Yeah, we’ve got to go. No I am not going to answer any questions. What, do you think I’m leaving just to come back?
All the actors join the director in front of a wall of reporters
Sabrina: sidles up to Jasper So Casper, you’re back! Where have you been all my life?
Jasper: What are you doing? Flirting? I thought you and Fabian were a thing.
Sabrina: Nope. Just making it seem like the romance in The War for the Movie is legit.
Fabian: Hey. Sabrina and I are not a thing. At one point in the script of Supernaturals , Sabrina was supposed to have this romance with the villain-
Natalie: interjects Alright everyone! I think that’s enough!
Director: gathers everyone Enjoy the show tonight everyone and good night World!