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 |  ALL about me! My place to rant,rave, cry and laugh! |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** by Kiya WELCOME TO MY BLOG I joined WDC in December 2004 and have struggled with starting a blog. I made a list and it had just as many cons as I did pros. But finally I have decided to go for it. This blog is for me, about me and really when it's all said and done~~If you visit my place and you don't like it here, you don't have to be here! This is for me! To help me! This is my place to vent, rave, rant, cry, laugh and say whatever I need to say! I think we all have personal truths. This blog is to help me find my personal truth, deal with my personal truths, let go of some of my personal truths and build on my personal truths! Personal Truth are those thoughts and actions which lead to a feeling of well-being. I think there has to be accountability in order for truth to be found in a personal way. I think all means of self-discovery are valid. I hope my blog helps me with this. Tammy ![Merit Badge in Inner Strength
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| The kids had a great Christmas. Everything turned out fine. We are off to Texas....will be back on January 3rd. I'm a little leary...have a few hard things to face...parents graves, visit to my brother in rehab, my ex/the kids Dad....family. Oh well, I have lots planned so maybe it will go by really fast!! Hope all has a great week. |
| Kids got out of school yesterday for Holidays, I guess living in the North they have to keep enough free days for our snow days...not that I'm complaining....it can be hard sleeping with 2 kids in house and their friends calling , them argueing, etc. Well my son got off being grounded yesterday, so he went to his friends last night. Leaving my daughter and I here alone. Besides taking turns on the computer we decide to do our hair....Which I needed to do something with mine..been letting it grow, plus my grays are showing! I have always been good with hair, more so with others than my own tho!! Even as a teenager, I used to cut my family's hair and my brother's friend's hair. At one time I wanted to go into Cosmotology. Anyway, I cut my hair and highlighted it...and let my daughter have a few small highlights...she had a few from this summer (her first time to get!) Hers showed up pretty good! She has pretty curly (ringlets) hair and natural highlights anyway. I'm so pleased with mine...which seldom happens...the cut turned out good and the color! YEAH!! Tammy & Caitlyn dancing and singing around house. Today has been really good. We are going to do family night tonight...movies/games, chips and dips..so I'm looking forward to that! They were going to get to open a gift tonight BUT begged last night to...and weak'ole momma gave in. I let them open their cell phones~~they were so excited....I told them it was just mainly so that I can have more control over them!....they are growing up too fast! Hope everyone has a great day! Tammy |
| Well, I haven't blogged in a few days. I feel blah....comes and goes... Life is about the same: Moods up and down. Not sleeping too good...today I slept on couch and actually got about 5 hours...I wonder if it was from being on couch or all just catching up with me...!? I am a little excited and nervous about our trip to Texas...I had it all planned out and had emailed my family and friends when my ex-sister-n-law called yesterday wanting me to bring the kids by to see her kids...SHe lives about 20 miles from my sister, so it's not too far out of the way! My kids are ready for Christmas, bugging to open a gift every night....they know our tradition is to open one gift on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas Day...but they still bug..... I actually figured out her I-pod and got her music downloaded for her...so she will have some when she opens. His PSP is a little more difficult...but I did get a few songs on it for him...got lucky my USB cable for my digital camera fits it!! I just have to buy him a bigger memory card. I want to get him one more game for it too....Tomorrow I'll finish it all up...I always do this...wait to the last minute!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Proud member of the following groups: "The Cabin Five Fifteen Group"  "Invalid Item" "Invalid Item" "Invalid Item" |
| It's been a while since I have wrote here. Been going thru lots of emotions. The 14th marked the one year death of my Mom. My sleeping has been horrible. But I haven't wanted to talk here....not sure why...I have noticed since starting this blog...that I am more withdrawn and introverted than I thought.... I have lots of different things I need to get a grip on...emotion-wise....I feel I am wasting life with my depression. It takes a lot of my energy to prevent kids from suffereing from my emotions... My older sister says I am way too hard on myself...she thinks I am doing good with changing what I dont like about life...as far as furthering education etc..She is my encourager....hate that she's 1000 miles away! My friends here have been awesome!! Thanks guys..you know who you are!! I luv ya'll! I do start school full-time in Jan., so that will get me out of the house! I took my last exam today...I'm off for awhile. I feel like I have low A or high B there...either is fine with me! Then the kids and I leave for Texas on the 27th...and I am starting to get a little excited about that. I'm still trying to eat healthy and exercise... I got an unexpected Christmas bonus from work today!! I get my checks deposited to my bank and this A.M when I checked my online banking...my deposit was more than I thought it should be!!YEAH!!! I got a $600 dollar Christmas bonus!! My kids will get what they wanted for Chritmas....they each only wanted a few things...but expensive things!(Cell phones, i-pod, PSP...) I'd been wanting to get them cell-phones just for safety purposes and so I could have control of them when they are not home!! Plus they can keep in touch more with their family (their Dad etc..) in Texas. Got a good deal and they will have free weekend minutes...SO we will see how mature they are with this new responsibility. It's hard making them wait until 25th to find out..... In the past, they each have taken my cell-phone when out...and both have been responsible with it, we will see! My 11 y/o is mature for her age...but 13 y/o son can be forgetful!! Well once I started, I haven't shut up.... Havent slept today so I am off to watch a movie..maybe nap! |
| This past week was pretty good. Some ups and downs...that's life tho right!!?!! Lots of snow! And sooo cold! My son was sick and still isn't totally feeling his norm. I did get some things accomplished~~ For school, I am down to one exam and then off for Holidays...I have an A right now and I hope to maintain that! The kids and I are going to Texas for a week after Christmas and I got some of the preperations for that taken care. I have mixed emotions about going Home, I haven't been back since Mom died. I really am ready to see some of my family. My niece, whom was raised as sister and one of my best friends~~I cant wait to see her and her kids!! My best friend, I haven't seen her since July when she came up here. My older sister, one of the only ones, I have contact with. She is excited and has the week off too! We will bring in the New Year together. She came up here for summer vacation and we had a blast. Anyway, I hope it all turns out okay....I will try and visit my parents graves. And I hope to get to see my little brother, whom is in rehab. I'm sure it will be emotional at times, but enjoyable for the most parts. I've rambled enough, I'm off to review some! Hope all has a good week. Tammy |
| I haven't written here in a few days. This past weekend was really busy and I just haven't been here. I came on today with intentions of reviewing. I got side-tracked in my port, cleaning it out and organizing it. My week has been just like that. I start something and get side tracked so easily. I think, no I know~~this month is going to be really hard. Maybe this is why I have avoided coming here to write, I just don't won't to deal with my emotions. I'm crying everytime I turn around, and I don't have a specific reason, sometimes they just come. The other night at my daughters basketball game, a couple came in with a baby and sit a few feet down from me. A cute litte boy, 5 months old or so...well now everytime I see a baby...I automatically start counting to see how old my child would have been if I hadn't miscarried last November. So here I am in the bleachers crying. I need to get a grip, but this month isn't going to be the month for me to do it in. In general this month will be hard because, this time last year I was dreading THE phone call about my mom. She was in the hospital dieing with cancer and wanting to come home. I was 1,000 miles away, wanting to get there, to be at home to take care of her. She got to come home and I get to Texas the next day, she died about 7 hours after I got there. In home in her bed with family around her, which was what she wanted. I miss her so bad, and then I feel guilty when I do because her last year was pretty painful with the cancer. |
| So yesterday had started out kind of negative. No sleep. And a couple silly/negative issues here that ended up being positive things! The whole day just kept getting better. In one on my groups we are doing Secret Santa..I'm having such fun~~giving and receiving! My buddy Mark   sent me a pretty c-note with some very encouraging words!My son had a basketball game last night, it was a very tense game. They played a very competitive team from a town a few miles from where we live. The other team had a bad coach..with really bad sportsman- ship. Anyway, in the last few minutes of the game they were 2 points ahead of my son's team. Which this was basically because our refs were really calling a bad game...the whole gym was tense..Parents were making rude comments and the coaches and refs were argueing. It was pretty bad. Worse thing is....These kids are in 6th and 7th grades... Anyway, my son ended up making a basket and tieing the game...well he was also fouled when he made his lay-up shot. So he got to get one free-shot...which he made~~ putting us one point ahead with 9 seconds left...Well this Coach from the other team gets very upset (I think over the foul call!) and makes his team leave without finishing the game...last 9 seconds but...it just made him look really bad. So yeah Im walking like 10 feet tall...my son's free-shot won the game...but even more important ...My son is on 2 basketball teams and on his other team (which is a travelling basketball team)...that coach always makes them shake hands with the refs and the other team-mates...So my son does this admist all the confusion...and I felt so proud of him...here he is the only one shaking both of the refs hands and making a point to shake the other teams hands..even tho their coach had pulled them and left the school...I was extremely proud of him...for his playing and his behavior. So we get home and I get online be4 having to go to work...and I have the best surprise in my email!! Someone had nominated me in the Best of Writing.com Contest...and I won...A merit badge and 100K gps...but even better I was so proud and honored by winning... I had mentioned earlier this week about drama here at WDC...yeah it's here, I'm sure most experience it in some way or another every now and then. Yesterday morning I was feeling it....but I had a couple of my friends here that helped me through the morning and then my day just kept getting better. |
| I can't sleep!! Yesterday I only slept for a little bit and tried to rest last night before work~~Slept for hard-short period and felt horrible when I got up. I think it's because I have so much running through my mind. Over half are things I can't control~~~So it's silly for them to be there running around in my mind! Well my eating and exercising is going good. So far. I have maintained exercising and weight lifting every day! I haven't had much of an appetite the last few days so the eating right has been easy. Don't really have a lot to say, just needed to let off some steam about not being able to sleep.... |
| Long day, I didn't get much sleep~~even less than usual and I have a headache!! Plus, I 'm headed back to work. Signed up for my Spring classes, didn't get one of the ones I really needed~~it was full. But come January, I will be a full-time student! This is scary in more than one way. One, all these classes are out at the college...so far they've been online! Two, fulltime will take away some of my time here and from kids. I'll have to rearrange work, home, and computer schedule~~and I'm so into this routine that I am in now!! I have to look at the long-term. I've been wanting to further my education for 10 years, but life and kids can get in the way. I need to do while I have the time and oppurtunity. Plus, this will make mine and my kids future more stable and more secure. We have snow, so I have to leave for work a little earlier. More later. Tammy ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Proud member of the following groups: "The Cabin Five Fifteen Group" "Invalid Item" "Invalid Item" "Invalid Item" |
| The weather is yucky today..wet and rainy with the temp dropping, supposed to turn to ice and snow tonight. I couldn't sleep today after working last night...Slept for about 4 1/2 hours. :( But I did get caught up on some reviews. I wish I could get back to sleeping 6 hours a day ...at least! So today I have started to regain control on my eating and exercising. I quit smoking in Aug. 2004 and have gained almost 40 lbs! So, I walked and lifted weights today and plan to continue this. I'm going to watch what I eat and cut down on what I eat. I am taking an online class, Nutrition, and have gotten some ideas out from it also. I know I'm healthier for not smoking but....whew, I'm not happy with weight now! So I am taking back control. Wish me luck! Tammy |
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