%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket? |
|
Fair Warning: I've upped the rating on this blog. It is now set at GC. |
| Sometime ago, back in October to be exact, I wrote an entry about a local business man and casino owner, Louis DeNaples. "Invalid Entry"  At the time ol' Louie D. was going before a grand jury on charges that he had lied on his application to the Pennsylvania State Gaming Commission. The alleged lie? He said he did not have connections to organized crime. Now DeNaples priest is under arrest for lying to that same grand jury. Wasn't there a commandment about lying? Father Sica is DeNaples's spiritual advisor and longtime friend. And what is he accused of lying about? Brace yourselves . . . his relationship to organized crime, specifically Russell Bufalino. I'll talk more about him later. Let me stay focused for a moment on Father Sica. Father Sica wasn't your ordinary, average Priest. Vows of poverty aside, he appears to be doing quite well for himself. At the time of his arrest he had $1,000 on him. He also drives a 2007 Jeep which he purchased out right. Apparently doing the work of God pays well, but it also leads to maybe having some enemies. Well maybe. Turns out Father Sica also purchased a handgun this past year. I'm pretty sure there was a commandment about killing people. Still, it is a huge leap from owning a gun to killing a man. Mostly he probably used it for target shooting and home security. DeNaples was quoted in the Allentown paper, The Morning Call, as telling Sica "Don't say anything. We'll take care of this." The news article goes on at length to explain that this latest turn of events does not impact DeNaples's casino license in anyway. DeNaples's spokesperson was quick to assure the press that DeNaples STILL does not have any relations to organized crime . . . that youse guys can prove. As for Sica, he and Bufalino go way back. To be sure, Sica was writing letters on Bufalino's behalf way back in 1982 when Bufalino was incarcerated for "conspiring to kill a mob witness." Mostly though, it was pictures of Bufalino and Sica together at Sica's ordination party; a backyard barbecue; and the Schulman Bar Mitzah, that tipped jurors off to the possibility that Sica may have misrepresented himself to the grand jury. Rumor has it that several of the pictures were labeled "Me and my BFF." Bufalino, called "the quiet Don," was a pretty big deal. Speculation is that he was one of the few people who knew where Jimmy Hoffa was buried. Author Charles Brandt wrote in his 2004 book, I Heard You Paint Houses, that Bufalino gave the order to kill Hoffa. I'm not sure how well supported that notion is, but in his day, Bufalino was one of the most powerful mob bosses in the nation. Click on this link for more about Bufalino http://www.americanmafia.com/Feature_Articles_273.html I suppose it follows that he had a lot to confess to his priest. |
| So Tony has been invited down to Florida in early February as an assistant instructor for a four day martial arts workshop. He'll be paid and his airfare and accommodations will be covered. FLORIDA! He gets to go to Florida while I freeze my ass off at home. I hope he sunburns his shiny, shaved head!  Maybe I'll feel better about it next week when it warms up. Today it was a whopping 15 degrees when I headed out for work. Next week they say the temps might make it up to the mid 50's. Crazy damn weather! It occurs to me that blogging about the weather is definitely not edgy. So sue me. I wasn't serious about that anyway. So there.  I printed out my NaNo Novel and I am going to give a quick non editorial read so I can pick up the story threads again, and then I'm going to get to work on finishing the first draft this month. I realized that I could no longer remember who committed the second murder. Yikes. That was my wake up call to pick it up again before all is lost. |
| For men, the leading cause of death in the workplace is accidents; for women it is murder. I heard that statistic for the first time almost 6 months ago, and it shocked me at the time. Not so much now. I work with two women now who I could easily see killing each other. There is a situation that has been brewing at work over the past several months and I've been trying to stay out of it because I'm friends with one of the parties. Unfortunately, I keep getting dragged into it. Well, the whole thing came to a head recently and my friend Denise (of the recent car accident) filed a grievance with the union stating that Jen (a manager in the department) is creating a hostile work environment, and requesting that the agency respond by requiring Jen to undergo anger management counseling. I laughed at that because Denise is the poster child for needing anger management. The complaint, however, is legitimate. There was an incident at a staffing in mid December that was the catalyst for all of this. I won't get into the details, but Jen became loud and very abrupt with Denise, and Denise wisely did not allow herself to be provoked into a wise-ass retort or show of anger. A week later that incident became the topic of a loud managers meeting. People often forget that closing a door does not make a room sound proof and voices carry out of the conference and into the roomful of cubicles. We need one of those Maxwell Smart cones of silence. Either that, or we need to practice using our "inside" voices. Loud pretty much characterized the meeting. Denise was the topic of the meeting. She was verbally slammed at the meeting (note: Denise was not at the meeting). As Jen saw it, Denise was willfully challenging her authority at every turn. Denise is a cancer to the department that needs to be cut out. She has been allowed to get away with her insubordinate behavior for too long (sliding eyes to me) . . . enabled for too long. And she will not stand for it. Someone has to take a stand and the next time Jen gets any attitude from Denise she will write her up! Voices carry. Half the department overheard the remarks. Hence the hostile work environment. So today I was interviewed by my boss regarding what I had seen, and heard. It was quite a lot since I'd been present for both the incident and the manager's meeting. After the formal questions my boss slumped back in his chair and asked me what I really thought. I told him. Yeah, I also told him that our manager's meetings were a giant bitch fest where nothing productive was ever accomplished. I was blunt, candid, and detailed. I'm sure the fall out will be unpleasant (I still have to work with these people), but I've practically bitten my tongue off this past month and it felt good to let fly. It felt particularly good because it was Jen's own overheard words that were condemning her, and not my biased, smear campaign (I'm sure that is how she would perceive my remarks). I hope the anger management thing works though because otherwise she's gonna be out for bloody vengeance. Sheesh! Sorry for all the parenthetical remarks, but I'm writing lazy and sloppy tonight. I'm getting back into the NaNo non-editing way of things. I have a book to finish. I gave myself until the new year, but it is time for me to get back to it and finish the first draft so I can start the editing and rewriting process.  |
| Over the course of this year I changed the rating of my blog from 18+ to GC. I've talked about sex, sex toys, lack of sex, politics, religion, gay marriage, mental health, New Yorkers, immigration and legalized gambling. Surely I've lost some readers along the way, but they leave quietly, closing the door softly behind them without so much as a disdainful "I can't believe you said that!" I'm not particularly extreme or radical in my ideas, so the tone usually falls short of truly offensive. My experience here at WdC has been completely lacking in the sort of slams, angst and drama that seem to thrive here. Maybe I'm just too irrelevant to garner the proper enthusiasm for a public stoning. Yep, it seems I lack edge. So maybe my New Year's Resolution ought to be to spice things up around here. So, here is my five step plan for making my blog edgier in the new year (at least I'm hoping it'll be a five step plan, since I haven't written it yet I really can't be sure). 5. Instead of skipping over the blogs expressing ideas I strongly disagree with, I will read those blogs and use them as fodder for counter arguments in my own blog. Everyone loves a debate. Right? 4. If there is one thing that people love more that a debate, it's a parody. And here we are in an election year. Could I get any luckier? 3. Two words - Bodily Functions 2. Mocking Oprah. This is actually a favorite pass time of mine, but I've kept it under wraps. As many of you know I have a deep and abiding fear of being burned as a heretic. 1. Violating the last taboo. You know the one . . . right? I'll give you a hint, it has to do with animals, and no . . . I'm not talking about bestiality, although I'm sure that is part of it. I'm talking about the ethical treatment of animals. There is a really funny story that I've been wanting to write for awhile, but it has to do with a squirrel meeting his demise. I think it might cross the line of good taste. Maybe I'll share it with you in my new, improved edgy blog. Happy New Year's Eve everyone!!! |
| Yesterday's entry, and your comments to it, helped me pull together my thoughts and I realized quite a few things in the process. Well, realized is an overstatement. In this case it is like studying pictures taken out of focus. There is an overall impression, and at first glance I can definitely tell what I'm looking at, but if I try to study the picture too closely I realize the details are too blurred and obscured to make out. So at first glance it seems I've captured something, but . . . Here are my realizations . . . 1. My parents already did this. Yeah I know. Duh! They were married for 38 years, and had a pretty good, solid marriage. Underneath all of it their was an underlying conflict. Dad was selfish and mom was accommodating. Hell, I trained all my life for this role. This year my mother bought an extra box of Christmas cards for servicemen and women recovering at Walter Reed Army Hospital. As she was finish up the last two or three cards, she was overwhelmed by emotion . . . Anger! As she addressed that twenty-second card, with the address for Walter Reed she thought about her own time there. It was 20 years ago in November that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was a freshman in high school and she was a full time student at the University of Maryland School of Social Work. She was in an accelerated Master's program. My father was still in the Army and stationed in Maryland, so my mother received her treatment at Walter Reed. What she was remembering, as she cried over the box of Christmas cards was her anger at my father who sent her alone to Walter Reed to get her bone and liver scans. He was the member of someones dissertation committee and had to be available that day for the defense. She was the mother of three teens, a full time grad student, and it was a month before Christmas. She was overwhelmed to say the least, and she wasn't get much support from my father. Twenty years later she is still angry about it. In her heart of hearts she knows that if the tables had been turned and she had been the one with dying of lung cancer, my father would never have been there for her the way she was there for him. Does that mean my father was an uncaring person? No. He was who he was, and he loved my mother in the best way he could. It occurs to me that I'm teaching my daughter all the same tricks. She'll learn from me how to put herself second, and to some extent that sucks, but at the same time, can a relationship ever work if neither person has ever learned to put his or her self second? 2. Tony is the perfect excuse. Excuse are like assholes, everbody's got one. Yeah, I married mine. My excuse that is, not my asshole. Although, he really can be an asshole at times. My point is that as long as Tony is out there doing stuff and taking all the risks, I have an excuse to stay the course. Are the two really so mutually exclusive? If Tony got settled into a full time job and I could quit my job and attempt anything I wanted to try, what would I do? Curl into a little ball for fear of failure? It isn't entirely outside the realm of possibility. I am a backseat driver. A behind the scenes person. I operate the same way at work. So maybe it isn't lack of opportunity and or stability that is holding me back. Maybe it is a lack of confidence, direction and/or motivation. Hmmmm... 3. It is all smoke and mirrors All the angst is really for nothing since our situation is exactly the same as it was two days ago, and the same as two weeks ago and hell . . . two months ago! Tony won't be a licensed Psychologist until he passes his exam at the end of February. We can get as worked up as we want about planning for after that happens, but none of it means anything. We can't know what opportunities will present themselves, or where we might end up. No point in borrowing trouble. 4. I hate motivational speakers I've probably said it before. I hate them passionately and completely. They make my stomach turn and my skin crawl. They are salespeople and what they are selling is a pretty package of lies. They tell us that everyone should do that thing that brings them happiness. Fuck that. Everyone needs to dig down deep and find a way to be happy with what they are doing. Yeah, I know. It isn't always possible. I've worked miserable jobs. I once worked on a mental health unit of a big hospital. That was a crap job. I worked with a controlling bitch of a head nurse who literally counted the number of mistakes each person made over the course of a shift. Also they wanted me to do blood draws.  Trust me! No one wants me coming at their arm with a needle! And yet I stuck it out for almost a year until I managed to find a better situation. I made the best of it, and truthfully, I wasn't entirely miserable in the interim. I learned a lot working there. But mostly it sucked. 5. Writing emotions is getting easier Admittedly, it still isn't a strength, but it isn't as horrible as it used to be, and I spend a lot less time rationalizing and dismissing my feelings in the process of writing them. It is more honest than I've managed to be in the past. I guess that is what I've gained through blogging. Okay, there you have it. Oh yeah, I also realized that I have a wonderful, wise and very supportive group of friends here. Thanks to all of you! |
| I’m in a bad space today, and liable to whine, so I’ll apologize in advance and offer you this out. And yes, I know that my troubles are small in grand scheme of things and I keep that perspective most of the time, but I’m going to step out of it here and give full reign to my angst so I can get my feelings out there. I love Christmas partly because it is a sparkling diversion at a time of year when I really need one. It is a time when I can step outside of the day to routine, shrug off my anxieties about tomorrow and live in the moment. Christmas is a snow day for my soul. All the ugliness, unevenness of the landscape is buried in a brilliant blanket of white. Hidden from view. It is still there, but for a little while I can pretend it isn’t. Like a snow day Christmas also breaks the routine and slows things down. Yeah, it creates other work like . . . shoveling, but it puts roses in your cheeks. Well, I digressed with the metaphor. I do that. This writing about feelings shtick isn’t easy. Needless to say, the snow doesn’t stay pristine. It turns black along the roadways and melts into a muddy brown mess. Christmas leaves a mess too. In addition to the actual mess strewn about the living room, there is often the emotional fall out of time spent with family. So far this year, I’ve done okay with that, but I still have Christmas with the in-laws to look forward to. We aren’t getting together until tomorrow evening. No, this is more about the mess that was there all along. This is about my husband being entirely too selfish. Yeah, I’ve got my part in it. I’ve allowed him to be entirely too selfish for entirely too long. It is easier to concede than to deal with his pissy mood. It is easier to send him off on his own way with a smile than to make him stick around and endure his sullen presence. Is that right? Is that fair? It doesn’t matter. It is. So I put up with his absence because it is better than his grudging presence. I put up with his crappy job record because if he actually has to work 40 hours in a week he is so miserable and surly that he refuses to contribute an ounce of energy to the running of our household (regardless of the fact that I’m also working fulltime). I love my husband, but I don’t put up with it all out of love. I put up with it because it is easier and I am all about the path of least resistance. And he knows how to work that to his advantage. Okay, I’m getting there . . . So, if you recall, Tony might have a job opportunity that wouldn’t require us to move. It isn’t what he wants to do, but the money would effectively increase his earnings by 4 or 5 times over what he was making when he was working steadily. Money isn't everything, but not having it to pay back your student loans is a BAD thing. So, I pushed my agenda of lets stay put, you take the job, we’ll get ourselves situated financially, and then re-assess our situation in a couple more years. He wasn’t happy! Then he started to warm up to the idea and I was content. Now, Christmas arrived and I was very pleased with the dent Tony put in my Amazon wish list. I got a lot of books. I told him he really didn’t need to get me so much and his response was along the lines of “Have I ever denied you anything?” For whatever reason I said “yes.” I told him, “you’ve denied me a steady income. You denied me the choice of whether I wanted to stay home with my babies or go back to work. You’ve denied me the flexibility and security to walk away from a job I hate . . .” That’s where he cut me off. Maybe it was mean of me to say, but it seemed like a very stupid question. He makes statements all the time that don’t ring true. He doesn’t deny me anything. He is supportive of me and my interests. He could be happy anywhere as long as we are together. He says these things, and he thinks that he is being sincere. I know otherwise. I know it because his actions paint a different picture. In anticipation of staying in the area, he contacted a commercial realtor about renting a property that he can use to grow a martial arts school. He wants to formalize his instructing and incorporate. He’s willing to stay here and work the dreadful job if he can also pursue this dream. Really! Is that too much for him to ask? Fuck that! This is supposed to be his turn at being the stable one. I can’t pursue the things I want to pursue and take the risks I need to take while he’s working 40 hours a week and trying to start a business AND seeing private clients on the side. It once again squeezes me and the kids out of the picture. I’m kidding myself to think he’ll see how this is a problem. But am I kidding myself to think I’ll take a stand?” |
| My living room still looks like a bomb went off. Yep, a big old Christmas bomb that exploded shrapnel in the form of colorful wrap, bows, tissue, and gift receipts for as far as the eye can see. The fallout continues to sift down from the Heavens. I don't mind the clutter really except for the evil, industrial twist ties. Ah yes! The most vile and loathsome of all toy packaging materials. Would someone please explain to me why each plastic pokemon figurine must be hard wired to the packaging with these infernal bits of coated wire? I may have permanent nerve damage in my finger tips from the unpackaging ordeal. As I'm sure you can tell, I had a wonderful Christmas. I got a new cell phone that I can't figure out how to use as a replacement for the one I lost. And I got books.  My upgraded membership on this site was paid through the end of January, but thanks to the generosity of my brother and my sister in law, Taz  , I am renewed for another year. The gift is much appreciated and will hopefully be put to good use. In other news, I am back to work today. I came in to find that my computer had been upgraded to Windows XP (yeah, we are cutting edge here), and all my settings had consequently been screwed with. My email was so microscopic I thought it best to ignore the whole lot of it. Also at work, I had my new job description waiting for me. Same crap, different title. Oh, expcept for the supervision. Even though I've lost that piece on paper, the deadline to switch it over has been pushed back . . . AGAIN! The new date is January 14th. I can hardly wait. Hope everyone had a good Christmas, I've had very little time on-line (the kids go new computer games), so I haven't had a chance to read blogs at all. I hope to catch up with you all soon though! |
| The shopping is done, and so is the baking and wrapping. The cleaning . . . well, I guess it'll do because this is Christmas Eve. I'm ready to kick back, relax, and let the holiday happen. Last night I was up terribly late, and when I was finally ready for bed, I shut everything down for the night locked the doors, and put the dog in his crate for the night. The last thing I did was unplug the lights on the Christmas tree. Standing in the dark room gazing at the sparkle of the Christmas tree I felt the sheer force of joy, along with all the magic and wonder of Christmas. I love Christmas. I hope you all experience a moment of peace, joy and or wonder this Christmas! Last minute thoughts on Christmas eve housekeeping . . . If he sees me when I'm sleeping, and knows when I'm awake. then he knows the sort of house I keep. So, what difference does it make? |
| Well shit. Just came back from our holiday happy hour with my gal pals from work. Now I gotta sober up so I can go shopping again. Had off work today and was busy and semi-productive with the holiday stuff. My mother had Amazon.com problems that led to a last minute realization that her stuff would NOT be coming until mid January. So, she canceled the order and then recruited me to do "make-up" shopping. Ah hell. Okay, I gotta eat something now to ah . . . I don't know, diffuse the alcohol? I swear I didn't even drink that much. I'm just a cheap date.  |
| I don't know how I get sucked into these conversations . . . “It’s like last year when I went to St. Matt’s to get straw from the manger . . .” she said twirling a dark curl around her finger. “Excuse me?” “Christmas is a Christian holiday. It is supposed to be the season of giving. Peace on earth, good will towards man, right?” “Yeah . . .” “Well last year I went over to St. Matt’s after Christmas. I wanted to be there when they took down the nativity so I could some of the straw from the manger.” What the hell do I know? I’ve been a non-practicing Catholic for a lot more years than I spent as a practicing Catholic. Still I know that Saint Mattew’s sets up a large nativity scene on the church lawn each December. They stop short of live animals, but only just. Being the gardener that I am, my first thought was that she wanted the straw to for mulching or composting. Like I said . . . What the hell do I know? “So what happened?” I asked. “Well a fight almost broke out!” “Over straw?” “Yes! I just wanted one piece of it, but all the blue-haired biddies were there and they wanted the straw to give to there Grandchildren and they started pushing and shoving.” “Over straw?” I was flabbergasted “Yeah, can you believe it? And right there in front of the Baby Jesus too!” “Why the hell was everyone after the straw?” “Oh! Don’t you know?” “No.” Hence the question. “Oh, well it’s an old superstition. If you take a piece of straw from the manger and put it in your wallet, then your wallet will never be empty in the coming year.” “Because it has straw in it?” “No! Because it'll have money in it.” Ah Ha! Magic straw! “So you all were fighting over straw because you want money” “Yeah." "In front of the Baby Jesus?" "Yeah, I could hardly get even one piece though. Those church women are vicious.” I think they were all over due for some smiting. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
