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 |  They say:"Third time's a charm". We shall see. Welcome to my third blog on WDC, |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The above picture has graced both my other blogs and of course I had to have it here...Me and my sweetie. This is my third blog here on WDC. This is, in effect, my house. So please come on in and make yourself at home. Please don't mind the mess because this part is still under construction and I will be adding stuff in the next few weeks until I get it the way I want it. About the Title: "Tor's House"....Well in a way, this is what a blog is to many of us. It is our way of inviting the world into our personal space. Just like in real life, I will endeavor to be the best host to my guests that I can be, but you must understand...in my house I tend to speak my mind. I apologize in advance for any who may feel uncomfortable. What will you find here? Oh that's easy....Humor, strong opinion, and even some philosophical musings....or what passes for that with a dumb ole country boy. So I welcome everyone...come in and let's sit and chew the fat awhile. Let's talk about stuff and see if we can figure out the answers to the world's problems....or what to make for lunch...whichever. |
| Veni, vidi, vici ! Well, okay, maybe I didn't conquer but two out of three ain't bad. I Came, I Saw.....I tried to run but Mel stopped me. I knew I was in trouble the minute that big metal bird landed on the foreign soil Pennsylvania, deep in the heart of Yankee Land. We were unceremoniously dumped into a concourse teeming with rabid Yankees. Every freaking where I looked there was some fool who talked funny and had bad manners...."Welcome to Philly!" Hey, don't get me wrong....I tried to be pleasant. I even tried a "Howdy Y'all" on one of them nice TSA folks at the airport. Have you ever been maced? You got any idea how bad that stuff stings? Damned Yankee! After some time spent washing the eyes out and recovering my sight, I let Mel lead me out of that hell-hole of an airport to begin our search for Debi who was supposed to pick us up. As I scanned the crowd outside the airport I heard the most beautiful sound in the world... "Well howdy Y'all!" OMG....There's a fellow southerner out there somewhere! I quickly looked left then right...where was she? I turned around and looked behind me...nothing. I turned back and continued to stare at the milling crowd of Yankees....I COULDN'T SEE THE OWNER OF THAT VOICE ANYWHERE! WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO....WE'RE LOST...... A tug at my shirt caused me to look down, right in the middle of my panic attack. THERE SHE WAS, STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! Damn, Debi told me she was short; she did NOT tell me she had once been a body-double for a Muchkin in The Wizard of Oz! "Well howdy there sweetie," I said with a smile. "There's no need to kneel, a simple handshake will do." "I'm NOT kneeling you bonehead; I'm standing on tip-toes!" Her growl was reminiscent of a angry chihuahua. BOP! Mel's whooping stick came out of nowhere and caught me upside my head. That did it! Nothing like having your brain jump-started with a stick. We quickly exchanged hugs and hellos then made our way out to the parking garage. Our destination was Eric's office where we were to pick him up, then head for home. Everything was going quite well...we were driving along...I gotta tell you how cute Debi looks sitting on her little booster chair rigged behind the wheel of the car. Her head almost clears the steering wheel. Anyway...there we were, tooling along, when suddenly Debi looks at her rear-view mirror and starts talking to it. "Make call. Call 555-1346." Then this strange voice wafts out of the radio..."Yass Ma'am, mistress, I's gonna get right on dat!" Then I can hear a phone ringing...IN THE FREAKING CAR! I was just about to freak out when the ringing stopped and there was silence...thank God! My blood pressure had almost returned to normal when suddenly.... HER FREAKING PURSE STARTED RINGING!!! AND IT WAS SITTING ON THE FLOOR RIGHT NEXT TO ME!! Debi looked over and as calm as you please said: "Answer that, would you Tor." What could I do...I snatched up the purse, held it to my ear, and said: "Hello?" BOP! Mel's stick came out of nowhere and caught me over the left ear. She then took the purse and removed the cell-phone and answered THAT! Well how was I to know? Yes, by now you've guessed it...Debi and Eric are 21st century Gadget Gurus...who would have guessed this dark secret about these two...they seem so normal otherwise. So here I am, a 19th century kinda guy, trapped in a 52in-HighDefination-iPod-iTouch-Car-talking world of a pair of escapees from an episode of The Jettisons. The icing on this particular cake is that ccstring will be arriving in a few hours. You will have to excuse me now, I have to go dig a couple of pits and sharpen some punji-stakes to put in them...I want CC to feel welcome when he arrives. I will, of course write more later.....I need to fill you guys in about Eric. It's not a pretty tale. SEE YA! |
| Shhhh, keep it quiet will you. I'm sitting in a hotel lobby waiting for the shuttle bus that will take us to the airport. Don't say a word to Debi....we gonna sneak up on her. Now all I got to do is slip by airport security....wish me luck. Oh yeah....day four is dawning and still no cigarettes. |
| It is now Day-3 without tobacco or tobacco products. This is mind boggling in and of itself since, in other times when I have tried to stop smoking, I never made it past Hour-3. So, I see this as a large leap forward. This is not to say that the last three days have been all smooth going...not at all. But, then we are talking about me and since when have I ever experienced smooth sailing....geeze. The cravings are still there. The first day, not so bad, but the second day they built in strength until, by the evenings I more closely resembled a crack addict going cold turkey....it was not a pretty sight. I could not sit still, could mot concentrate and was an absolute BEAR to be in the same room with. Funny thing is, after a restless night, I find that the cravings are not as bad this morning...still there, just muted. An observation here, if you will permit....I have discovered that the hardest thing to do without cigarettes is write. I am accustomed to sitting here at the computer with a cigarette in my mouth or burning in the ashtray. As I wrote, I could pause, take a long pull on the cigarette, lean back and let the smoke escape while my mind pondered what I was writing. Can't do that anymore and I find it very difficult to hold to a subject or to say what I want to say. Everything sounds stilted and stiff. On the plus side.....I can now wear shirts without pockets. Before, I would refuse to wear pocket less shirts because I would then have to put my smokes in my pants pocket and they sometimes got crushed. That is a Plus isn't it? Please tell me that is a plus. Damn. I just sat back, popped a Bic pen in my mouth and chewed on it while contemplating what else I wanted to say....that don't work worth a crap. I don't know what else I wanted to write....I just hit the wall. I will just say that we will be leaving in a few hours and headed East. It will probably be three or four days before you guys hear from me again so.....See ya later. |
| I'm a simple kind of guy; my wants and needs are few and I am extremely easy to please. I rarely ask for anything special when a shopping trip is planned and usually have no interest in what is brought back to the house. But yesterday was different, damnit all, yesterday I had some expectations of getting a particular product. You would think that she could get it right...after all, I only asked her to get one lousy thing. Needless to say, she blew it. You see, I was out of cologne and of course I wanted some for my upcoming trip....didn't want to waft no offensive odors around Debi and Eric's house you know. Mel was planning her big, before-we-travel shopping spree so I told her to pick me up a bottle at the store. Now as I said at the start, I am a simple kind of guy and when I want cologne, I by God want SIMPLE cologne. I want Old Spice. Hell, it was good enough for dad, so it's good enough for me. I did tell her that if they didn't have Old Spice, she could pick me up some of that English Leather. I remember that use to drive the women wild back in the day. So off she toddled to Walmart to exercise the thousands of years of genetic impulse that courses through the blood stream of all women....TO SHOP! I came home from work last night expecting to once more be the proud owner of a bottle of Old Spice but sadly, that was not the case. Oh no, instead I find that she has bought this freaking bottle of Geau (with one of those little marks over the A)....Hell, I can't even pronounce the stuff, and she wants me to wear it! "What the hell is this?" "It's your cologne." "It's not MY cologne, I asked for Old Spice, not this French crap." "I liked this better than Old Spice...it smells much nicer." "Oh YOU liked it, uh....then YOU can wear it." "How would you like to wear the whole bottle...right now." "Uh...okay...point taken, I guess I could give it a try." "Huumph!" So there you have it. I send her after one little ole thing and she blew it. Now I gotta make my trip smelling like French Foo-Foo water. I tried reading the box...I do that with new products...just to see if I might learn something from it. I learned something alright, it said right there on the box: "Eau De Toliette". That has to be French for "Dump it in the Toilet." Sound advice if you ask me! Something else I learned while reading the box: The bottle was made in Taiwan, the cap was made in America, and the box was made in Canada, then it was bottled in America. All that traveling, no wonder the crap was expensive. Oh and something else I learned from reading the box...this stuff is "Highly Intoxicating". Now I know what's wrong with the French....they DRINK THIS CRAP! |
| Thirteen companies receiving federal bail-out money owe more than a hundred million dollars in back taxes. The IRS has announced plans on going after a large group of millionaires who are collecting substitutes meant to go to struggling farmers.....millionaire farmers? Damn, who knew. Congress just received their AUTOMATIC cost of living raise. Cost of living raises are a good thing; I get one every year: .40 cents an hour. Congress gets $4,700 dollars a year cost of living raise.Those poor guys must really have it hard. EVERYTHING must be really, really, expensive up there in Washington. Damn, who knew. It is really interesting isn't it. If you work for a big ole company like AIG and you do such a terrible job that you run the entire company onto the verge of bankruptcy....you get a bonus. One guy alone got $6 million dollars in bonuses. So, let me see if I got this straight....If you go to work in the Financial field and you do a really horrible job and the company goes belly-up....then you can get big bucks in a bonus. I CAN DO THIS! Damn, who knew. Yes. Who knew? Who knew that the world was divided; on one side are the rich and the powerful and on the other side are the rest of us? Who knew that for those with the power, and for those with the money, there are a completely different set of rules; rules we don't even hear about until they are forced to tell us? Who knew that reality was different inside the Washington Beltway? We knew. Yes we did, each and every one of us knew this; we just ignored the facts until something like this financial crisis brings all the different follies to light. We elect these people, we send them to Washington, then we turn our backs and forget them. After all, we elected them, so of course they are going to do what's right aren't they? I think we have all been brain-washed by watching "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington." No. Our Congressmen are NOT like Jimmy Stewart. Damn, Who knew? |
| I just took my pill. Now did that sound like a topic of conversation an old man would come up with? Yeah, that's what I thought too....oh well. The pill I took was my Chantex....my magic potent....my way out of the smoking jungle. Friday, March 20th is the target day, the first day I go totally smokeless. God I hope they Internet access in the county jail. I have had Mel looking into buying Valium in bulk quanities......the Internet is good for something, I guess. On the News Front....emmyloo has reappeared and left a blog entry. I have it on good authority that she is now off counting her new GPs....the brat. Other news....windac has returned home after a whirlwind tour of half the states in the United States. You would think she could have stopped by to say "Hi" but noooooooo, she passed me right on by. Speaking of Texas (shaddup, I know); PlannerDan  is still living up to the title of his blog and being sporadic in his appearances here but on the plus side he is reporting success in another writing project. Maybe he will tell us all about it...if he ever shows up here again.As any of you who have made this far can see by now.....I got nothing to write about. So, here I am just jabbering...I hate that, don't you. Anyway....let me just shut up now and leave you with a little joke. I am sure you ladies in the small audience of my readers appreciate this little funny. Why men make lousy advice columnist Dear Mike, I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He lost his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help? Sincerely, Mary Dear Mary, A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps. Mike |
| If you are like me, you don't mind paying for a good read. I mean, if I get a chance to read a book or an article from someone who is a master of their genre, I don't mind paying at all. The pleasure I get from reading a finely crafted piece of writing far outweighs the price of admission. So why can't it be the same way with blogs? We all know of really great bloggers, whose work we have enjoyed in the past, who no longer blog. So would you pay to read some new entries from them? Well I would. So, to that end I would like to send out a message to emmyloo. Sweetie, if you are out there...and I know you are...listen up. It has been too long since I was able to enjoy one of your side-splittingly funny entries. I want to read someone who is the closest thing to Erma Bombeck that I have ever read. I want to see you back on the blog page. To that end, I am offering you 1,000 GPs for each day you blog this next week! And that is cheap at twice the price! It's about time we got a class act like yourself back in Blogville. |
| I got some questions.....anybody got the answers? You have to understand...I am a 19th century man who had the great misfortune to be born in the 20th century and I have been stuck there...forget the 21st century. Now, having said that, let me get right to my questions and you can begin to educate this old fossil. 1. What the hell is 3G? I think that is the term...I see it on commercials for that cell phone network thing with all the people who follow this guy around cause he has this particular phone service. I think it has something to do with computers since this is the age of doing every freaking thing with your phone EXCEPT making a phone call. On a side note.....Yesterday I walked into the break room and there was five people sitting in there...ALL OF THEM TALKING ON THEIR FREAKING CELL PHONES!!! Thankfully I managed to resist the impulse to rip the phones out of their hands and throw them down the nearest toilet. 2. Who told Joaquin Phoenix he could sing? If it was one of you guys...you should be ashamed of yourself! Have you seen this crap...I saw it last night on the news. Phoenix was trying to Rap. Let's face it...white boys can't Rap and no matter what else Joaquin is, he is terminally WHITE. The boy made a fool of himself. On a personal note, I didn't think it was possible to make Rap music any more painful to listen to but this boy proved me wrong. 3. Can someone please tell me on what day, last week, did the economy get so much better? See, a couple of weeks ago, before the passage of the Economic Stimulus Package, the Prez was telling us that the economy was in dire straits. We were on the edge of complete collapse....unless we passed that package. Now, this week, I hear him on the TV telling us that things aren't really that bad. Wow, that dang Stimulant Package really works quick don't it! 4. Can someone please tell me how long the Octomom's 15 minutes of fame is going to last? Good God would someone PLEASE rip that woman off the airways! Entertainment Tonight does a daily update on this bimbo...of course these are the same people who did "daily diary" reports on Anna Nicole Smith, so what can you expect. You remember Anna Nicole don't you, she was just the Octomom without the 14 kids and with blond hair. I'm thinking the story of the Octomom could be solved really simply. I am sure there are 14 families out there wanting to adopt a child. Then, with that done, Tie the Octomom's tubes and TURN OF THE FREAKING CAMERAS! 5. And for my last question of the day: Could someone please come up with a fifth question so Scarlett  won't yell at me?  |
| A very simple entry today; merely a sharing of news about what's happening with me. Today I got my prescription of Chantix filled. I was asked to choose a day I was going to quit smoking then begin to take the medicine one week BEFORE that date. My date is March 20th, 2009. So, I will start the medicine TODAY. I have smoked cigarettes since I was 18 years old and now I am 60. Is it really possible to shrug off a lifetime habit in one week? I hope to God it is. I have not been this frightened in forty years, when other men were trying to kill me. THAT was a piece of cake compared to this. I fear failure. Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained...wish me luck. |
| It was shortly after midnight, a hot August night in the year of our Lord, 1900. Five silent men rode their horses through the woods toward their destination. Their way was lit sporadically by flashes of lightning and warm sheets of rain fell upon the men and heir horses. Five silent men...grim faced, their mouths set in angry lines whose faces, when illuminated by the lightning, shared a common look...they were brothers. The oldest of the five was twenty-four, the youngest was eighteen, all hard bitten Texas men. They each wore pistols strapped to their hip and a rifle in a saddle scabbard on their saddles. They had set out from the home of the eldest brother two hours before, on a quest. They were determined to kill a man that very night. There had been a sixth brother and his death a month before was the reason for their ride this night. The slain brother, the youngest and the wildest of a wild family had died at the hands of another young man. The brother had got in a fight with the man and had pulled a knife on him...the other man had pulled a gun and shot the brother three times, killing him instantly. The father of the brothers had demanded that they let the law take its course. The man who had done the shooting was arrested and tried. He was found innocent...self-defense, the jury had decided. The five brothers decided to give justice a helping hand. Thus they rode that stormy August night. After just over two hours the five horsemen arrived at their destination; a small shack close by the Neches River. They dismounted silently, drew their guns and kicked down the door to the shack. They went inside with guns drawn, dragged the half-asleep man from his bed and, with his wife and small son looking on in horror, they strung the man up to a large oak tree in the front yard of his house. All five stood in silence and watched until the man stopped kicking...it took awhile for him to die, and then they remounted their horses and rode silently away, leaving the newly widowed woman and her son crying in the mud and rain of their front yard, under the swaying body of her dead husband. This was not a work of fiction. The five men was my Grandfather and his four remaining brothers. These are the men whose lives molded my childhood and were a large part in making me the kind of man I am today. They were not good men nor were they really bad men, they were merely men of a different era, who lived by a different set of rules. The new century had no place for men such as these but their exploits and their beliefs were passed down to following generations...to my father, then to me and in some slighter form, to my own children. No. I am not the same as those hard men. The morals of the times, so far removed from theirs, served to soften my outlook and my beliefs, but it was those five men who are responsible for a hard, solid core within me that will not change and will not bend and will not give an inch. In a way, those five men still ride....they flow in my blood and to a lesser degree, through the blood of my children. Isn't that the way of the world. We are all the sum total of those who came before us, with our own value system grafted into theirs. Inside each of us is a Core that our ancestors are responsible for. |
| Today was a milestone of sorts for me. Before I left for home, my asst. Manager called me to his office and, with little or no fanfare, handed me the coveted Gray and White name badge with:"10 Years of Dedicated Service" written across the bottom, under my name. Along with the new and different colored name badge, he also handed me one large Certificate of Appreciation, suitable for framing, and one small, gold 10 year pin. All that for merely ten years of my life.....I'm a lucky guy! I got to thinking about it on the thirty mile commute home and it struck me how different my life was ten years ago than it is today. Back then my life consisted of going to work, then going home, watching a little TV then going to bed. I had two sons still at home and they were my social interaction. I had stopped dating at least seven years before and going out was just more trouble than it was worth. I was slowly shriveling up...withdrawing from everything and everyone. Then a good friend talked me into going to work at Walmart. Even though I still did not socialize with my co-workers, at least I made friendships at work. I think this helped me to be open to the idea of getting the Internet. I had owned a computer for some time but only used it like a big, fancy typewriter, to work on my stories. When my youngest son started begging me to get online I resisted...who needs that stuff, I thought. But, after talking to my new friends at work, and having them sing the praises of the Net, I finally relented and signed up for the service. Damn...I"m glad I did because that where I met Mel and my life suddenly took a giant upswing. So now...after ten years at Walmart and ten years online, my life is barely recognizable from what it was before. I have a wife I cherish and don't deserve, who shares my life and lights my days. I have a large group of close friends via the Net who I love like they were my own brothers and sisters. I guess you could say Walmart made it possible for me to become a rich man....not bad for ten years. |
| Okay, enough is enough. I have spent the last two hours staring at the screen and arguing with myself. A large part of my wants to do another political sort of blog entry, but another part wants nothing to do with that crap for a day.... Guess which side won! Have you ever tried to give someone advice only to have it backfire? I am reminded of my brother, Mongo. Back when he was a young pup and just going through puberty, I decided to be a good big brother and give him some sound advice. I told Mongo to always wear protection when he has sex. See what a good and caring brother I am, I was looking out for Mongo. Actually the thought that he might reproduce just scared the hell out of me. You can imagine my surprise when, shortly after our talk, Mongo started wearing a rubber glove on his right hand. Damn, and I thought the boy got it...oh well. Speaking of sex....sex sells, we know that don't we. Of course that explains why Dancing With the Stars, which started its new season last night, has become such a hit. OH GROW UP! It's not just a guy thing, you women LOVE to watch old Maksim strut his stuff...admit it! I see where his partner this year is Denise Richards...I say that alone should give them "Ten" across the board every week. Let's face it, if it were not for the opportunity to see scantily clad, beautiful women gyrate across the dance floor, I would be safely viewing the History Channel on Monday nights. I admit it, I am a sexist, male, pig who loves to view beautiful women. While I'm being truthful there's something else I have to admit and it was Mel who first pointed this out to me... We were watching the show last season when she gave a laugh and said: "You know, you could never be a contestant on that show." "Well no," I agreed. "I will never be a celebrity." She laughed again. "No, that's not what I'm talking about. If they paired you with Karina Smirnoff, the first time she threw one of those beautiful, bare legs over your shoulder they would have to cut to a commercial and pry you off her with a crow-bar" Humm...guilty as charged. Does my baby know me, or what! |
| When you're number one there is only one direction left to go. History teaches us that being "The most powerful nation on Earth" is a transient title at best and power diminishes almost as quickly as it accumulates.....so it is with America. Any who doubt this need only to look at ancient Rome or Athens. How about the Egyptians or the Assyrians or the Hittites....all these people could once brag of living in the most powerful nation on Earth. I love this country but I hate what is happening to her right now. The thing is, having studied history as much as I have, I understand that the fall is inevitable. The people of this great nation has lost their moral compass and like the old saying: Those who believe in nothing are doomed to fall for anything. That is where we are today, folks. What I see coming...it's not pretty. We are about to enter a four year period in which the tax burden on EVERYONE will become intolerable. Like a lot of people, I have watched my 401K, my hope for retirement, fall to damned near 0 and there is nothing I can do about it. There is a crisis of faith in this country; faith in our leadership, faith in ourselves. We have become a society searching for someone to take care of us, we have given ourselves over to the State and expect them to bail us out....that's not the way it works. The Government has weaned the people away from self-reliance and left us dependent upon Washington. This is not what our founding fathers had in mind. We use to be the United States of America...a group of states UNITED but with the bulk of the power residing in the member states. That is not what we have today. Today all roads lead to Washington. How did it happen? How is it that we woke up one morning to discover that State's Rights had become an empty myth? So what are you going to do? For myself I am going to do what I had planned on all along. I am going to retire when I had planned. I will make my ten acres self-sufficient...grow my food and stretch my Social Security as far as it will go. I will put aside the dreams I had of those golden years of comfortable retirement. I will spend my days toiling, not for a company, but just to keep what I have today. Now it is easy to blame all this on President Obama, but really, had it not been him, it would have been another just like him...Democrat or Republican....it makes no difference. " The blame, dear Brutus, lies not in the stars but in ourselves". Shakespeare had it right with that. We, the people, lost our way. We became soft and we desired to "have it all" without working for it. We became greedy and amoral and now we have the government we deserve. We turned our back upon the Work Ethic and we embraced the Cradle to the Grave concept of Government. Now we lack the moral strength to pull ourselves from the economic quicksand in which we find ourselves mired. God have mercy on this nation...no one else will. |
| Okay, it's official....I HATE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME! A funny thing happened to me last night....I went to bed and lost an hour. Have you seen my hour? I looked for it everywhere and the damned thing just ain't here. I plan on going to bed as soon as I get off work in a last ditch effort to find my lost hour...wish me luck. Have you ever wondered why the Networks can't pick at least one hour (since we are talking about hours) to report some good news for a change. I mean, really, couldn't they take an hour and at least put a positive spin on the news instead of shoveling out the same old gloom and doom. For instance, just once I would love to hear one of the talking heads say something like:"Good news people! If you have only ten dollars, you can own a share or even two of your own blue-chip stock." See, how hard could it be just to be positive for an hour. Speaking of the news...I just heard that Charles Barkley held a jail-yard news conference. He was arrested for drunk driving and is serving a sentence...all on work-release. So, he only visited the jail and checked in before heading out to make public appearances...uh...work details. In the news conference he expounded on things like President Obama, the economy, and the war in Iraq.....Is this a wonderful country or what! In other news...of the personal variety: Just sixteen more days before I take a vacation. In just over two weeks I will be visiting with three of my closest friends: Eric Wharton  Debi Wharton and ccstring. If I get the opportunity, I plan on making my first visit to Gettysburg and walking over the battle field, following the steps of my great grandfather....now that's news! |
| "Don't you think it's time to bring Baby back in the house? It is almost dark outside, you know." "No, I had planned on leaving her out all night with the rest of the goats; it's time she learned she is a goat, not a human." "WHAT? You can't be serious, she's just a baby and it's COLD out there! She needs to be inside where it's warm. You know she loves to curl up in my lap and go to sleep...my God, woman, how cruel can you be!" Silence.... I get "THE LOOK". "Uh...Did I just...." "Yes, you did," Mel interrupted. "You just made a complete ass of yourself over a baby goat." "Yeah," I said sheepishly. "That's what I though I did." Oh how the mighty have fallen! Once I was a proud cowboy, riding herd on cattle over vast distances in Texas. Once I augmented my pocket book by running trap lines and selling furs. Once I collected bounty on coyotes, wolfs and feral dogs. Now I am reduced to obsessing over a baby pygmy goat and treating her like my freaking offspring! Good thing my daddy is dead cause he would of taken my last name away from me if he could see me now. This is NOT my fault. No, I lay this firmly at Mel's feet. She is the evil person who moved me up here to this God forsaken ice cube of a state, surrounded me with all these damned cute furry animals then stood back and watched me deteriorate to what I have become today...A FREAKING WUSSY! It was Mel who brought the little goat into the house and said we had to bottle feed it or it would die. It was Mel who put the dang baby bottle in my hands and told me to feed it. So I did and now the little goat has imprinted on me. Now she follows me everywhere and cries when I leave her....That's just not fair! I named her Baby. Now my baby has to learn the horrible truth that she is not a human like her daddy, but in fact is a goat...That's just not fair! I have assembled here a few examples of what I am talking about. You decide, is Mel guilty or what. This first shot was taken a couple of weeks ago. I was trying to talk to my buddy Eric Wharton and Baby did not like being ignored. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This next shot is of Baby playing with her bestest buddy...Booker. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Here is Baby giving Sherman a back massage...Sherman loves this and let's her walk all over him. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Is there any wonder I am reduced to the state I'm in? Oh, you need more proof? Okay, here are a couple of shots of the great Ice Storm of '09. This event, more than anything else, served to lower my defenses and leave me the quivering wreck that I am today, and I STILL believe that MEL planned the whole thing. Side note here: Baby was born shortly after this storm. Timing is everything when you are an evil genius like Mel. This is the "Road" in front of my house. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is the view from my front porch the morning after the first day of the storm. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And finally...this is me huddled over the now famous Fire-Pit which saved my life. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Now I ask you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is there any wonder that this old cowboy was reduced to being a freaking wet nurse to a baby goat? Now do your duty and find Mel guilty of of all charges!!! |
| Have you ever been so happy that it took your breath away? Were you sure that if, in the single most happiest of moments, you died, your life would have been absolutely perfect? But you didn't die though did you. No, instead your life flowed on. Have you ever been so full of rage and fear that you were sure you would die from the intense explosions inside you....but you didn't...did you. I have heard it said, and I have read many places, that a man is never more alive than at the moment he is sure he is about to die. There is some truth to that statement but you never really have the time nor the courage to examine it closely because you fear what you may find out about yourself and besides....your life flows on doesn't it. Our life flows like a river. at each life's beginning the water flows fast and turbulent, crashing over rocks and logs and whatever stands in its path. The boundaries of that life-river are the narrow banks of youth which have yet to widen with knowledge and experience. As we grow older, our life, like a river flowing closer to the sea, widens out; the current flows slower, the depth runs deeper. We experience, we survive and we learn....and the river of our life flows onward toward its ultimate destination. Finally...in the fullness of time...our river meets the sea; its course is run and it blends with the larger water. The question is; will your river be mapped in any person's memory, or will it simply be forgotten amid a million other rivers. I guess that depends on what we do as we float with the current of time....toward the great sea. I'm sorry. I really had nothing to write about tonight so I just let my mind wander and my fingers type. I will try to do better another day. |
| I have mentioned before...just in passing...about my trip to Houston in February, during that time I was without a computer. Well I guess it is time to tell you that little story. Way back in '06, the day after Thanksgiving and what we at Walmart call: Blitz Day an episode took place which I am still dealing with today. Most of you know about Blitz Day at Walmart. It is the day when the stores cut their prices by as much as 75% on many high-end items, piles them out in the isles on pallets, and throws the doors open at five in the morning to allow shoppers to go crazy. Many of you will remember that this past year one Walmart employee was killed by stampeding customers...it's that kind of day. Back in '06, on that Blitz Day I was doing what I always do. Standing at the door, handing out shopping carts, checking in returns and checking ALL exiting customer's receipts. Blitz day is the only day we are required to check every one's sales receipt. About seven thirty that morning a gentleman tried to exit and refused to show his receipt to my co-worker, a little old lady of eighty, who was helping me at the door. He ignored her and when I asked him for the receipt, he went off on me...yelling and cursing, screaming and shouting, he called me every name he could think of. He was proclaiming, at the top of his lungs, that the only reason I was stopping him was because he was black. It was a "Black Thing." I did what I was trained to do; I turned away from him, ignoring his cursing and screaming and walked over and got a member of management to handle the situation. I then went about my job and forgot him. About a month later I learned that he was suing Walmart for $250K. He alleges that I yelled: "HEY YOU" and grabbed him by the arm and held him from leaving. He said he was embarrassed, suffered emotional damage, Post Traumatic Stress. He is now unable to go out in public and was made to feel like a criminal. He said he was frightened and intimidated by me. Fortunately everything I do is recorded on film and the tape showed that I did none of what he says I did...but that doesn't stop the suit. His lawyer says the tape was doctored...whatever. Fast forward to Feb. 18th of this year....I find myself arriving at this plush lawyer's office in a very rich section of Houston to give my deposition for the trial. The offices belonged to the lawyer who handles all of Walmart's civil suits. Talk about a whole different world...my God, this place was right out of the fevered imagination of some Hollywood screenwriter. Twenty two stories of steel and glass, the building rises over the skyline of Houston. There are only two occupants in this building...the law firm and a travel agency belonging to a Saudi prince who had bought an airline and decided he needed a travel agency to along with it! I use to scoff at such TV shows as Boston Legal, Ally McBiel, and LA Law, which portrayed all the lawyers as either beautiful women who looked like they just stepped off the cover of a fashion magazine or handsome and sometimes quirky men. I will never make fun of those shows again...it's true. I thought I was on the set of any one of them. Every woman who passed me in the halls gave me whip-lash and as for quirky male lawyers, hows this: The head of the law firm's name was "Willie Ben". Now how's that for a name for a Texas lawyer....the man was a walking stereotype. The first thing Willie Ben did when I came in was to usher me into an empty conference room. "I want you to stay in here for now," he said in that soft Texan drawl I have missed so much. "The opposing counsel is here and I don't want him to see you yet. I think he has a different impression of what you are and I want him to be surprised when he first sees you." "Uh?" So I sat there in that empty room for about a half hour until they were ready for me, then Willie Ben came and got me. I walked into the main conference room and took a seat at the head of a table at least thirty foot long. At the opposite end of the table a Video camera and camera man was stationed. He wired me with a microphone. To my immediate left sat a court reporter who....true to form...was drop dead beautiful. I was starting to sweat. "DON'T STARE AT HER, DO NOT STARE AT HER!" Capt. Stupid was for once screaming GOOD advice in my brain. To my immediate right was an empty, over-stuffed chair that probably cost more than all the furniture in my house. Willie Ben stepped up to that chair and proceeded to sit, lotus-style with his legs folder under him and leaned back with his hands clasped behind his head. "Are we about ready to start this party?" He drawled. "Uh?" And so it began and I noticed, right away that the other lawyer was a bit taken aback by me. I could see it in his eyes and it made me wonder...but not for long. I soon found out. After a few desultory questions and a few weak tries at tripping me up, he just kind of ran out of gas. Then it was Willie Ben's turn to ask a few questions. He addressed the other lawyer and said: "Now let me get this clear in my mind. Is it your client's contention that THIS gentleman man-handled him and INTIMADATED him?" his face had this sort of bemused look on it I was starting to find a bit unsettling. "Mr. McClain, can you tell us how old you are?" "I turned 60 this month." "Do you consider yourself intimidating?" "Well sir, back when I was twenty...maybe. Not so much anymore." "Now Mr. McClain it has been alleged that you stopped the plaintiff because he was black...is that true?" "No Sir, we were stopping everyone." "Do you have something against Black people, sir?" "That would be kind of hard for me seeing as how I have two nephews and a niece who are bi-racial." And that was the knife through the other lawyer's heart. The meeting broke up after that with the opposing lawyer asking for a private meeting with Willie Ben to "See if we can work something out." After he had slunk off and left the room, the court reporter...that little beauty with the honey colored hair and killer green eyes, the camera man and Willie Ben and I were left. We began to talk about how silly the suit was. They were all laughing. Willie Ben said: "Can you believe the guy was intimidated by Mr. McClain?" He laughed. "The other guy is forty years old, almost six foot tall and weighs 240lbs and HE'S intimidated?" The court reported laughed (a beautiful, musical sound) and said. "That is funny, why Mr. McClain reminds me of my grandfather." She smiled sweetly at me. For a split second I wondered if ole Willie Ben would defend me if I murdered this bimbo in his law office....naw, probably not. HER FREAKING GRANDFATHER? So there it was, out in the open...all the people in that room, the opposing lawyer included, thought of me as a harmless old man! Though I felt like requesting a walker so that I might hobble from the room, I laughed along with them and just prayed I could keep from making a bigger fool of myself before I finally escaped this thrice-damned place! So there you have it....it is the consensus of everyone in that law firm that I am officially a "Harmless old grandfather." I think I'm gonna go eat some fiber and take a nap now. Later I may totter down to the Old Folks Home and play bingo with the other old farts.....GAWD! |
| My damned son has done it to me again! I am speaking of Patrick, the son who lives in Houston and whose wedding I attended a few months ago. The boy is forever delighting in getting his old man sucked into these dang books that seem to have no end....he knows how I hate that. The first time Patrick did this was about ten or twelve years ago when he came home from work one day and announced that he had a book I just HAD to read. I innocently fell into that punji-pit by saying: "Sure, let me have it and I will read the thing." Now normally I am not a big reader of the Fantasy genre, but I figured I would give it a try...big mistake. Little did I know that the book was the first in the almost endless series of The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan. I loved the first book but it left me hanging so of course I could not wait to get my hands on the second one to discover what happened to the three friends who were the center of the story. This pattern continued through about 12 books over the next NINE FREAKING YEARS!!! The frosting on this particular literary tale is the fact that after all that time, and reading all those books, the author had the gall to up and die without finishing the story! The bastard left me hanging....permanently! I swore that I would never fall into that trap again, no more never ending stories for this old boy...nope, no siree! Then a few years ago, Patrick struck again. This time he merely left one of his books laying on my desk for me to find....the sneaky little bastard. I picked the thing up one morning, while searching for something to take to work with me. This particular book was the first of R.A. Salvatore's Icewind Dale Series. Once more I was hooked, much to the delight of my evil son. I must say though this was not as bad. There was only five books to the series....but he had hooked me not only on that book, but on the author who has written about fifty other books of the same sort. Sadly I have to say....I have read almost ALL of them by now. So you can imagine my reluctance when, on my last visit to Houston a couple of weeks ago, Patrick drags out yet another book for me to read. He caught me in a weakened moment, the cunning devil. I was relaxing and enjoying the comfort of he and Sally's new Condo they had purchased in the ritzy Memorial neighborhood and I was basking in the glow only a father can get when his son has done well in life. I had my feet up and watching his big screen TV and all my defences were lulled into a false sense of security. "Hey dad, I got this book you just have to read." "Let me see it." I drawled, "I'll read the back cover and see if it's something I like." I did. I was hooked. On the bright side, he assured me that it was ONLY a trilogy and he gave me the first two books to take back to my glacier-encased home with me. The name of this crime against fathers is A Game of Thrones and is the first book of the Trilogy: A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin. To Patrick's credit, he waited until I was home and well into the first book before calling me and dropping his little bombshell: "Hey dad, guess what, I just found out that Martin has enlarged that trilogy and it now has FIVE BOOKS!" And so it begins again..... Damned his black heart to the Seven Hells. May a host of Dothraki warriors ride him down and stick pointy lances in his backside! May he be hounded through the Weirwood by a crazed Direwolf! Can you tell I'm into the book? This whole sordid affair has brought home to me one major lesson which all writers should learn and never forget. If you want people to read what you write then you MUST be strong in your character development. This is the one thing all these books have in common; you come to care about the characters. You are hooked on their lives and you want to know what happens to them.Once you are hooked on a character, you are then drawn into the fictional world they inhabit and you, in effect, become part of the story. That's what I want to do when I grow up.....be a writer like that. I will end this now as I have about twenty more pages to go before I finish this first book. Then I must begin the SECOND one. I also have to get on Amazon and FIND the third one....GAWD! |
| The Democrats, those paragons of virtue in Washington, have struck again. It comes to light now that a part of their spending bill will go to build a railroad direct line from Disneyland to a brothel in Las Vegas...The Moonlight Bunny Ranch. You gotta love those guys. This particular "project" was put into the bill by the most honorable Harry Reid. Maybe they will change the Monopoly game card to read: "Take a ride on the REIDING". A little side note here....The stock market has dropped by HALF since the Democrats took over. At this rate, within another six months, the Stock Market might actually become a real market with open stalls selling vegetables to the people around Wall Street. Of course each stall will be manned by a Union member...we don't want no Scabs trying to work do we. For those of you fond of comparing Mr. Obama's sweeping programs to FDR's New Deal, think about this; The New Deal programs did NOT end the Depression. By and large, those programs did not effect either the unemployment rate or the inflation rate and it was not until WW2 that this country pulled itself out of financial crisis. Our President went on TV and told us that everything was going to okay. He said all this spending will be paid by higher taxes on people making more than 250k a year. I got news for you....there's not enough people in that bracket to cover the money being spent, even if he taxes them at 100% What we are going to have though is EVERYTHING we use and need is going to be taxed. This way those making less than 250k will pay more taxes...just in a roundabout way. Man those boys in Washington are a sneaky bunch aren't they. The Earmark of the Day: 1.8 million dollars to be used to research Swine Odor and Manure Management. I personally think this research should begin and end in Washington D.C. |
| I want to take a moment to thank everyone who commented to my last entry. Your comments really helped this stressed out dad to cope with the crap....Thank you all. A funny thing happened on the way home from work last night.....I DIDN'T MAKE IT!! Instead of arriving safe and secure at my domicile and relaxing in the loving arms of my sweetie, I spent the night in my car....in a parking lot of a gas station! Why? I'll tell you why....Missouri, that's why! This damned state has stomped on my last nerve I tell ya. It started snowing yesterday morning...early. No problem, I can handle snow after all snow is just really hard water...no biggie. But it didn't stop snowing and by the time I got off work IT WAS STILL SNOWING, and eight inches had fallen, partially melted, then refroze...ICE. I left work and drove about three blocks....SIDEWAYS. It was about then that I figured out that I was in over my head; no way was I going to make it the thirty miles to my house in the dead of night with ice and snow covering the roads. So I pulled into a gas station parking lot and there I stayed until about two hours ago. I didn't sleep at all. I sit in the car and waited for daylight and, hopefully a warm-up. I sit there getting cold. Starting the motor and running the heater until the inside of the car warmed up. Shutting the motor off and freezing. Cursing the snow. Cursing Missouri. Calling Mel names. Calling her sister names. Calling her MOTHER names. starting the motor and getting warm again. Not sleeping. Cursing. Then the sun came up....WHOOPIE! The snow and ice melted, the salt and sand trucks came out. I drove home at a blistering speed of 40mph. Cursing. I am home now, sleep deprived, wired on coffee....cursing. Pardon me while I go kick a dog, then I'm going to bed. Did I mention I HATE THIS STATE and I HATE SNOW! I just want to kick Al Gore's Global Warming Ass. Thank you. |
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Sad to see you go, but glad to have kept up with you via OS. 
