I don't know if writing what someone that you've always done when things are rough, but I think its really helpful.
Maybe speak to your family doctor about counseling? I think if anywhere that's a good place to start. Its really good to have an objective opinion on how to make a change. Maybe something he/she offers can get the ball rolling?
But I feel you on a lot of this. I look forward to hearing more from you.
un: 
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