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When one blog is filled, another one must open. |
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Coming soon: more work from someone creative, ambitious, and determined - often called a variant of insane/crazy. Notes: Genderfluid. Preferred pronouns (they/them) [& denotes married couples] Immediate Family: soon-to-be-ex-Dilbert, Tempest, Dogbert My Extended Family: (s)Dad, cousins (K, D, G, J, F, N) I guess it's good to be on speaking terms with someone. Voluntarily. AuntS Dilbert's Extended Family: SIL (+5 kids)& BIL, FIL's gf (only for holidays, mostly) Important People I Don't See Enough: Owl + Partner, Paradise ICON crew (which owl is a part of) People I've Known a Long Time/Long Distance: Doc & [husband], Sheer & DocSheer, Mrs. Light & [husband], Trillium & Diego (not married but close enough), Steph Local People: MotherDroid, Owl&Partner ... There are about to be new people on this list, because, well, I'm evolving. And it hurts. DnD: used letters, S (DM), D(doctor), Y(because I like him!), K(old RPGer friend who also attends church), P(church guy who does game night and is local and our families are also friends), A (went to church but moved back to Chicago, moved back locally then i moved) Tempest's friends: I don't know very many of her local friends. She's got an internet buddy who also talks to CousinK's younger daughter. the younger daughter is DRAMA. Dogbert's friends: Has a new group of friends based on a Pokemon thing and they have a DnD club at school and outside of school. Lucky kid! |
| And one of them is my ex-supervisor. Not the one who was stern and a little intimidating and had the position when I applied almost 4 years ago, but the one who replaced her last August and resigned a few weeks ago. She's still running things in name until the new one shows up mid-month. So she signed off on the summer schedule and I can't just change it, even though I now have conflicting times. I cannot teach at west and then *poof* arrive at Bettendorf at the exact time to teach. Travel time, approximately 30 min, depending on traffic. Current schedule is 930-1030 at West, starting again 1030-1115 (while the room is open) at Bettendorf. While my silver sneakers woman asked about the time change, I said it was fine, so long as the other class also moved. Said ex-supervisor did not contact me directly, nor did she deign to change my class at west, nor did she inform the other instructor about this change. We found out by looking at the schedule and by then communicating it to others. Real classy, eh? Also, when I tried to bring it to her attention, she wanted to simply jump it to 830, which is less desirable for all the parties involved. Then she had to ask how many people were in the class, then she thought she'd just cancel it for the summer. I couldn't commit to 830 while Dogbert's preschool was still in the air, and now that it's settled I'm taking it up again. Hoping she doesn't cancel it, but if she does... I guess I can take it up with the next one. Who will be here on the 13th or 15th. Forethought would be logical, so of course no one applied it. Among the other things that are just lovely- we have to lock the "multi-purpose room" when there are no classes in it. Because, you know, what if members just walked in and used it?  Aren't they members for a reason? The last piece of the construction to finish will be the new gym. And even when it is done we're not allowed to close off both sides of the old gym for classes. Because ... why? Even though the tai chi guy asked to stay at the other branch, he's been forcibly moved back to Bettendorf, too, and now the ex-supervisor won't let him go back. And most of the class prefers to be over at Utica instead of Bettendorf, anyway.... And people might wonder why turnover is so high ... but then we've seen how people are treated. The girl my kids like so much? that kept her schedule open for the Y- didn't leave a space open for her to come back from her knee surgery. She has to be a swimmer's aid instead of lifeguard, and that wasn't what she was hoping for at all. she wanted to be doing Ypals and summer adventures, which she does extremelly well. I'm tired of this crap. I had a sub lined up for months and I told her to cancel for this saturday as of last week when i found out suddenly that ALL CLASSES were cancelled. It's enough to make me think I can teach somewhere else for better pay and not worry about my kids so much, just hire someone to watch them while I'm going during summer. Because starting in August when school begins.... Both my kids go for full days- Tempest 735-225 and Dogbert 8-2. I'm a little ecstatic. And 5 days but shortened schedule on Wednesdays. It's sad because I like my classes, but it's necessary because I'm not sure I can stand the Y much longer. Must keep open mind to the new one. And remember that I need to pour myself back into the written word. |
| So there are a bunch of factors running around in my head. Part of it is still from yoga and philosophy of sutras yesterday. It's how we see the world and how we interact with it. Then we add the tolerance youth sermon from church this morning. Both of these things talk about how you frame it. How you FRAME it, in your head. Example: If a tree falls on your house, what can you do? Physically you cannot lift the tree. You can call someone to take care of the tree, but is it something you drop everything for? This example comes from a woman from my yoga teacher training. She said she couldn't stay, despite a contractor being on site and no one was hurt. But I see my teacher trainer's point- that there was nothing she could do. My personal world changed when I banged my foot, but I chose to continue to teach. I have made modifications in many classes, and I will continue to do so as needed. I'm thinking my toe(s) is(are) less broken and more sprained and possibly bruised bone(s). And it might again as I move. But what will be, will be. So in the middle of my 750 words and me worrying about labels and frames come a bunch of messages from the preschool mom group - four of us each have a boy in the preschool my son goes to. One of them has her in-laws on a farm, and she has apparently invited us to go camping this weekend. Or "glamping" since there will be facilities. But that doesn't mean i have to go. One of them commented - during the night we went out drinking (yes, i drove instead of drink) that my husband makes her uncomfortable. So why the hell should we go camping? Not to mention Dilbert is allergic to outside, and even if it is amplified within his head, the effects are real. And that's not to mention the effects of a normal getting the kids to sleep somewhere else. I don't want them to pressure me to go, and it feels a bit like peer pressure. The last text I read (and there have been at least one or two since) said 'oh just come hang with us for a while even if you don't stay the night'. In other news, I think my mother is having anxiety issues. I think part of it stems from not inheriting the full farm like we expected them to, and ... it's not HERS. So they bought a house and they're fixing it up, and mom apologized in advance if she was irritable and cranky and it was an unreasonable response. Later I read a meme on facebook about anxiety causing irritability. She has neighbors that encroach on the property, as well as the damn ownership issue within the "family". And it's too much for her, I think. While these neighbors are friends, this week the wife said her daughter was coming over. Mom said it wasn't a good time. Wife neighbor said 'too bad she's on her way to see the horses.' Mom's too polite to say FUCK OFF. Plus they watch the farm when my parents travel, but have some damn boundaries. Mom's tried to explain, and at least Wife Neighbor's FIL always calls before he comes over and he always asks permission. That might seem like an old courtesy, but it would mean wonders to my mother's anxiety, I'm sure. So I don't know how to help her other than identify what's going on and help her move forward. If I can. |
| And if I scroll down, that's true. It's been a long time since 2 March. Someone was asking me this week if I had heard anything about moving again. And I said no.... I'll come back to that. But in the meantime since March, I have been so busy. Yoga teacher training. It's a good thing. But every other Saturday eats up a lot of time. I'm also working on becoming active in other things, and I realized at some point that soccer would be too much for both kids. Summer begins next week. Tempest's last day is Wednesday and Dogbert's is Thursday. Then what will I do with them? I have a spectacular bruise from last week that hides my broken little toe on my left foot. I'm getting around okay, but it hurts. Just what I needed to make finishing my yoga education harder the next few weeks. Only three Saturdays left. Looking to put kids in dance classes, swim lessons, and tumbling in June- and that's just at the Y. whee. I'm so not amused with the broken toe anymore. Working through the construction at the Y, but my yoga stretch class keeps getting bigger. I had 38 yesterday. That's a little insane. They're all coming and I'm extremely popular. So.... yeah... Dilbert got an email yesterday about a possible swapsies in jobs. And we'd have to move. Not real far, but far enough that we need a new house, new everything. Starting over. For a possible pay raise, lateral move, and the kind of experience within the company that might move him higher up faster. He wanted to know what I thought. Well, it's within the 3-5 year range since we moved here 5 years ago November. So I'm not sure I ought to put too much into it if that's how it'll go. *sigh* Maybe it's time to reconnect to my stories. Because I've been feeling the distance. And I don't like it. Maybe it's a good time to reconnect |
  Manage substitute observation hours. I only need two.  Send out DTYM again Corral Star Epic to finish the World Building Two Storm self-pub items to 'catch' up since I only have one so far this year edit Next Jane (along with various Storm stuff) Finish last piece of space skirt, fix space jeans, and make another sleep mask for kid use - along with other DIY stuff  Pick up the other ideas from learning Swedish and doing something like other chimprovement projects I can't remember right now. other organization around the house. Sigh. It's already not so much fun. Think I've bitten enough off for March? |
| January accomplishments: Preschool applications (x4), office reorganization, financial focus switch Jan yet to do: publish Storm story Photocopy Timeline: Feb 6-20 Substitute Teacher Authorization Class Feb 20-June Yoga Teacher Training Mar - Get authorization finalized, research and implement water exercise class teaching Feb - Apr gather and finish world building in Star Epic Feb - Organize master suite Mar - birthday madness for husband and daughter Apr - organize great room May - Launch Star Epic first draft June - supposed Y construction complete - take up more yoga classes after the training Summer - Spend time with kids during break, schedule time for writing with babysitter if necessary, send out Next Jane Fall - Work to send Machine through edits, find new schedule for preschool and 2nd grade and activities, be ready for NaNo in November Winter - send out Machine, Work on edits of new NaNo novel. One Storm story to be published per month, and continue to send out DTYM until it finds a home. I had this lovely list in my Dear Me letter, and I really do need to move forward with that. How to Photocopy Your Ass was published this month, and I need to get on the next one before I'm behind in March, too. Managed the Sub Auth class, and I have most of the work completed - just need to sit down and do the observations. Has to all be finished and sent to my teacher by 1 April. I haven't thought much about water exercise, but I can follow up on that. We've been organizing the master suite, and it's exhausting. I'm coming down with a cold and all I want to do is sleep today. And somehow around that I need to figure out dinner. I hate dinner. Same time every day and it never gives me any hints.  Dilbert was talking last night, and he was going on about cleaning-by which he means organization- and I could feel the tension rising as he spoke more about this room or that room. I'm exhausted and it wasn't letting me rest. Which I told him before I went to call G's mom back about the basketball boy saga from tumble cheer. Got out the first Hooked on Phonics box, and I had Tempest read four of the books to me. (Really short, but I wanted her to not want to read Green Eggs and Ham to me again.) She was excited they were so easy, and with 4 a day that will be at least five days I can just drag things out. Plus there are other activities that can be fun, so yay for finding a way to distract her into homework. Also did a few math problems in preparation for her test tomorrow. Somehow I'm going to make a template out of that list from Dear Me. How else will I keep myself on task for the entire year? |
| New story available at amazon. Woot. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=how... |
| http://ransomnoble.com/2016/02/02/caucus-politics-and-politicking/ In case you don't follow my other blog, I'm not reposting it here. Submitted banking papers to the Y to change the membership withdrawal and the payments. Should take effect within two weeks and I can close the credit union account. Researched the fair credit act to see whether or not they have violated it in their refusal to allow me to apply (twice). Tuesdays are rough right now- freezing rain and slush made it an interesting drive across town to West and then back to Bettendorf to teach two classes and pick up Dogbert. So... time to myself has been lacking lately. But putting together a plan to attack editing and the house. It isn't easy, and the Dear Me letter gave me a headache. However, Dilbert is still being a thoughtful, caring guy. No, I didn't ask who he caucused for and neither did he ask me. However, he's still doing dishes, tonight he cooked (I took the kids to swim lessons, which I discussed the schedule for the month with him before it started and future changes for next month), and he has helped with laundry too. Another dozen red roses (not as deep red as the last dozen) graces my table and he hasn't mentioned getting rid of any of my stuff. He's even been pleased to see some of the things I've been hiding. Sorta? Not hiding things is new. Haven't talked about switching up my major credit card, but I want rewards. My current card gives me rewards... if I buy a brand-new GM product. Haven't done that since my '04 Cavalier, so I'm done. We're both driving Hondas. And recently Dilbert has moved to using a different card, too. *breathes* I can do this. I have to be brave in order to make him listen, and he has to listen if he wants to repair this relationship. |
| Time to myself: I went to Hancock Fabrics (night before the store closed forever) and spent over two hours going through patterns. I bought many. I bought fabric. I bought buttons. I had a lovely time. He didn't ask how much I spent, even after I admitted going overboard on patterns. Similarly ran errands by myself and the kids elected last night to stay home with Daddy rather than going to the Y with me, and he fed them dinner (frozen pizza isn't hard, but still!) and he also made dinner for both of us when I got home after Tai Chi. Yes, I stayed for Tai Chi. I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but he's encouraging me to get the things I need and he paid the last credit card with no questions and no comments. We're going out tomorrow. Not to a movie, but a show. He even said if I didn't have something nice to wear I could go buy something, but I had something nice to wear. I was still  .So it's hard for me to trust him, but I have to allow him to earn that trust if this will work. I worked that out in therapy- I don't think to ask him to stay home so I can go to therapy alone, but he volunteered to work a little while from home so I could do that. He's gone to church with me for two weeks because he asked nicely and he's very friendly with everybody. This is nice. Two birthday parties on Saturday. Dilb takes Dogbert to the zoo (I'll be at yoga), and we'll take Tempest later to Michael's.Then Imbolc celebration at the church. Lots going on. I have been organizing my office, which is a herculean chore, and Dilbert volunteered to help as much as he could, and he did, but I've gone beyond where he can help now. And he has been commenting on my progress, and bought me a bunch of organization system modules for the closet. I will still do the substitute authorization class next month. And I think I'm ready to do the RYT200 for yoga, but I'll make sure I am paid up for that. Today's issue is with the credit union employee that makes me feel like I am back in the 50s. Why? Because he keeps asking me if I want my husband to cosign the credit card with me. And... no. Just no. The first time I crossed paths with this man, he made me feel insignificant, inadequate, lacking. This time, I'm angry. I'm angry because I thought that I made i clear that I would not work with this man. I'm angry because he asks only two questions - do you still work part time and are you still on the mortgage - and then again, 'do you want to get your husband to cosign?" My credit rating was higher than his last time we bought a car (last time it was officially checked) and both of our scores are over 800. I shouldn't need anyone to cosign for me. Should I? After politely getting off the phone the first time, I called him back to tell him those questions weren't giving him a picture of what was going on. And he asked how he could get a better picture. He asked if I might talk to his manager. I said maybe. RIght now I think I want to go through the effort to change banks. Just because of one person. But the old manager of this branch was kind and I liked her. And the teller at the window - who had to have been the originator of this phone call - was also kind and friendly. And I told her that this guy had previously denied me so I didn't want to go through it, so why in hell is it THIS GUY who calls me back? This is not the 1950s. I don't need a husband to cosign. Am I overreacting? |
| Dilbert's changes include: doing the dishes, doing laundry, saying thank you when i helped with something, buying me a dozen roses "just because" (that reason being that i like flowers and he wanted to surprise me), much, much less TV for both of us (I haven't watched anything since... last weekend? Maybe), cleaning Dogbert's room and asking for assistance when he ran into things he didn't know where they went, talking- at least saying hello in the morning before everything else, making time to talk directly upon coming home, responding to all text messages AND in timely manner, and more time after the kids went to bed. He has asked how we can split up the chores, and while we haven't done that yet, I think he's sincere. I've just been too exhausted with everything else to actually do it. He helped Tempest with homework and took her to buy Dogbert a present for his birthday. (I told her one of the roses was for her. She's thrilled. She thought they were all for her, so this is a decent compromise.) Dogbert turned 4. He had a good birthday and both kids helped me make cupcakes. I'm still cautious in my optimism. But Dilbert and I are in agreement that we can't just fix the surface issues. Quotes from him: "I forgot how much I enjoy talking to you." "I think I needed this big change but I didn't even know it." But he's also wanting to help me structure time so I get 1. time to myself and 2. time to reach my own goals. So I'm attempting to be brave and believe this, at least enough to communicate my desires. Today he took off work and we went to my oil change together, then out to a late breakfast, then shopped at Target (we shopped! and bought stuff!), then home and talked more than cleaned. I don't know if I believe this is real. But I feel like I need to keep being brave until I can get to a place we can no longer abide each other with this raw honesty or we can fix it. P.S. I explained about the housekeeper I had in DSM today. Some of these revelations hurt him how he didn't see the way our communication became stunted to nonexistent until later. I think I only saw some of it, and not all of it. But wer'e both trying. I suppose that's all we can do. |
| Dilbert 180. Overwhelmed. I do not even know what to think. I do not recognize that man. |
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