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Rated: 18+ · Book · Crime/Gangster · #2021933
tale of Areva and Balam as they live in Segjustan
Curtains closed
Curtains open

Scene 1: The Beginning

Eerie music is played for thirty seconds
Lights up.
Enter Douglas from the left.

He is a young man in his thirties. His clothing are in a state of mess. He is bruised and bleeding. He looks fearful. He trips to the floor.

Enter Aban and Balam from the left. Both wear matching black clothing that are business suits and both wear watches on left hand.
Balam laughs in joy and runs at Douglas and kicks him a few times.

Douglas screams in agony.

Douglas (To Balam): P-please stop! Please!

Balam stops attacking and goes closer to Douglas and leans towards him.

Balam(In extremely calm manner to Douglas): Tell me Mr Douglas, why did you run away when you saw me?

Douglas: I-I’m sorry dude!

Balam slaps Douglas across the face.

Douglas whimpers in pain and fear.

Balam: I didn’t ask for you to apologize. I asked a very simple question. Why. Did. You. Run. Away?

Douglas: I-I-I-I’ll have the money in by Tuesday.

Balam: Ah! So you were running because you didn’t have what you owe! (To Aban cheerfully) How much does Mr Douglas owe me Aban?

Aban( To Balam): Three hundred Segjustanian dollars on the dot Bal.

Balam: Strange that! You’d expect three hundred and something usually but three hundred on the dot is a nice number in my opinion. (To Douglas) I’m in a good mood today my friend so I’m giving you by Tuesday to pay up or I’ll be visiting you (Full of cheer) I’ve always wondered what crucifying a chap would be like! Sounds like a lot of fun! Well, for me not for you of course unless you are a kinky bastard. Anyway, you can kindly piss off now Mr Douglas.

Douglas quickly stands up and leaves the stage to the right.

Balam yawns as if bored.

Aban: Are you really going to crucify him if he doesn’t pay you?

Balam: Of course. Once a threat is made I should follow through with it. He has his options so it is up to him now. That’s it for the night. What are you going to do now?

Aban: I was thinking of chilling down at Barbaroka.

Balam: I’ll see you down there after I’ve finished with the boss.

Lights down.
Lights up

Enter Balam and Aban from the left.

Aban( a little bit drunk): Fuck that chick was hot stuff man! I’d pound that booty!

Balam: Booty? Bottom, arse, ass not booty you wannabe rapper. You need better taste. She looked like she’d been drinking too much orange juice. Can’t be healthy all that fake tan.

Aban: How was the boss?

Balam: Good. Everything went fine all week. He went to bed earlier. We’ll be there tomorrow at ten am sharp.

Aban: Maybe we’ll get another easy day.

Balam: Possibly ( With a hint of anger) Did you see those fuckers in there?

Aban: Who? The ones who looked like they were from Green Homofagus Power?

Balam: Bastards the whole lot of them! If the treaty wasn’t in place I’d slice them up!

Aban: Heard they were the ones who killed Red Samson.

Balam: Thought that was the Scummers.

Aban: Nah. Scummers were dudes with no beef with the reds man.

Balam( irritated): Haven’t killed anyone in ages.

Aban: Dude you whacked Jimmy last month man! You like a flaming serial killer mate!

Balam (Cheered up): Ah yes! I loved how that traitor screamed. His screams weren’t the best though. He had no spirit!

Aban: You need to get laid more dude.

Balam: Areva gives me plenty

Aban: Does he do you every night?

Balam: Her not him. And no it’s not every night. We aren’t sex maniacs. Why the hell are you so obsessed with sex? There is more to life than that.

Aban: Like what?

Balam: Films, friendship, books, taking a walk, feeding goats, killing, torturing and the beautiful sounds of nature.

Aban: you were doing great before you said killing and torturing were your thing.

Balam: Bah! You grumpy son of a gun! You need a girlfriend I’d say! I’ll ask Areva if she has a friend for you.

Aban: Ah no dawg! I ain’t into Areva’s type.

Balam: Dawg? You hip hop loving bastard. One of her big tittied friends of course. Anyway, I’m going home. Areva is waiting for me by now. So see you later.

Lights down.

Scene 2: The Big Cheese and some Murder

Lights up

Enter Cuco from the left. He is an old man with a very long beard. He is wearing dressing gown and slippers. He plays with a handheld console. He is wearing a watch on his right hand.

Enter Aban and Balam from the right.

Balam( To Cuco): Good morning sir.

Cuco( To Balam whilst playing the handheld console): Morning Bal you handsome man! (To console in anger) Damn!

Cuco looks angered at console then looks at Balam and Aban.

Cuco( To Balam): Fucking hell! I can never pass that level of the game!

Balam( To Cuco): what game is it sir

Cuco: Sexy Monkeys from hell part seven.

Balam: ah that one. You get the monkey to pass the sex crazed Gorillas by hiding behind that statue of a banana.

Cuco: ah!

Balam: What would you like me to do sir? Things are fine on my end and the drugs have already been shipped.

Cuco: Capable as always my boy! I have a special request for you!

Cuco takes out an envelope and gives it to Balam.

Cuco: This is info on Mindy’s boyfriend. I want you to deal with that man since he is no good for my daughter.

Balam: How much of a beating sir?

Cuco: Kill the fucker.

Balam: Yes sir. What about his family?

Cuco: The boy lives with his parents. Do as you wish. Now onto less pressing matters, I forgot to ask last night, but how is Areva? I do hope you have not strained his bum too much.

Cuco and Aban laugh.

Balam: hilarious sir. Areva is fine. She had a cold but she’s healed from it now.

Cuco: Ah young love is so majestic! ( To Aban): What about you boy!? Do you have a missus to pleasure your loins?

Aban( To Cuco) : No boss. No luck in that.

Cuco( To Aban): There is plenty of time for a youngster like you! I remember my first wife! A wonderful and joyous time! Well, before she tried stabbing me of course! That was not good of her! ( To Balam and Aban) Well, I have pressing matters to deal with , my idiot son has caused me trouble yet again so cheerio!

Balam: Yes sir.

Lights down.
Lights up.

On stage is Balam sitting on the back of a dead woman. He holds a bloodied baseball bat covered in barbed wire.

Enter Aban from the right. He speaks on a mobile phone

Aban( To phone): get here dude! But I gotta warn ya man, it’s a real fucking mess!

Aban finishes on the phone and places it in his pocket.

Balam: Have you ever tried any of Areva’s blueberry pies?

Aban: No, but I’ve tried his strawberry ones. Very groovy.

Balam: I prefer apple. I love them with cream.

Aban: You’d put some cream on Areva would you?

Balam: Sure…. You dirty bastard!

Aban chortles.

Balam: ha fucking ha you comedian.

Aban: why you on about pies mate?

Balam: Areva told me this morning that she’s making some and wants you over to eat with us tonight.

Aban: Sure dude! I ain’t been over in ages.

Balam: Great! That woman of mine loves showing off her cooking skills. You remember Jen-Jen?

Aban: Who?

Balam: One of Areva’s friends. You talked to her at Mindy’s birthday party.

Aban: Talked to loads man.

Balam: Big breasts, bit cheerful and a little bit annoying?

Aban: That’s a lot of women dawg.

Balam: Used to act in sex films.

Aban: Sex education?

Balam: Porn.

Aban: Oh her!

Balam: Mention porn and it clicks! Areva told me that the big breasted broad likes you and wants a date with you.

Aban: Oh I don’t know man. Is she clean?

Balam: I assume her hygiene is okay. She is a normal woman.

Aban: No, I mean does she have aids?

Balam: No. If she had I wouldn’t be bothering to ask if you’re interested since I’m not having any worker of mine get diseased and become so positive that he's HIV positive.

Enter John and three men. All are dressed the same as Aban and Balam.

John ( To Aban and Balam): Howdy.

Aban ( To John): Yo.

Balam( To John): Good morning Mr John.

John( Looking at dead woman and to Balam): Where are the other two?

Balam( Pointing to the right): In the next room.

John (To men): Alrighto! Let’s get cracking.

John and men leave to the right.

Balam( To Aban): Do you think he will appreciate my artistry?

Vomiting sounds are heard off stage to the right.

John( Off-stage): Oh fuck! Oh hell! For fuck sake! What a fucking mess! Balam! What the flying fucking fuck is fucking wrong with you! Oh man! You’re a fucking lunatic you cunt! You fucking psychopath!

Balam ( To off stage to John): Apparently I’m actually a sociopath. Stop your complaining and get on with the job you pussy!

Balam( To Aban): Some people are just plain rude.

Aban( To Balam): You went too far man.

Balam: Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. Life is full of walls and we have to smack them down. I’m more mentally sound than most people. Just because I’m more brutal doesn’t make me insane. Cheeky buggers like John only call me insane to deal with the fact that I’m just as human as they are. Anyway, enough philosophy, let’s get the machetes and cut this broad in pieces and put her in the bag.

Lights down

Scene 3: Areva

Lights up.

On stage is a table with three seats. Areva is sitting on one of the seats and is looking happy. On the table is a mobile phone. Areva is male but looks extremely like a woman( Kathoey). Areva wears make-up, nails that have been painted and red lipstick. He wears a skirt that reaches down to the ankles, pink top and slippers. He has long hair and looks to be in his twenties. He can easily be mistaken for a woman.

Balam enters from the left.

Balam: this has been a busy night.

Areva( Extremely femninine voice): Oh yes darling! Aban as usual is a wonderful gentleman, it’s a shame he has no woman!

Balam: Aye.

Areva stands up and goes behind the table and then places his hands on the table. Areva bends over the table (Areva’s front facing audience)

Balam: You want to do it now?

Areva nods in affirmation.

Balam: I’m tired.

Areva( Dissapointed): Awww! How boring! I need you honey! Why not! I need you right now! Why Balam! We haven’t done it for ages now! Please! I need to be pleasured! Please! Why are you making me so frustrated! Why! Why! Why! Wh-

Balam: Quiet down. I’ll do it if you are so insistent.

Balam walks behind Areva. He pulls up Areva’s skirt and seems to be pulling down Areva’s underwear.

Balam: Damn sex crazed woman.

Areva: I’m not sex crazed! I’m starving for it and you are always so busy!

Balam: It’s only been five days!

Balam looks to be pulling down his trouser and underclothing.

Areva: Maybe we should get some spicy food. I’d like to try out something spicy for you to try.

Balam prepares to do the deed. Balam then thrusts his hips.

Areva( Looking happy): Oh!

Balam: What sort of spicy and will you be selling them?

Areva: Not sure. I’m still researching the stuff. It’s good to have new stuff every now and again. Maybe I’d sell the spice to Blue Chimp café. I’ve heard they sell a new banana dish now.

Balam: Sounds good.

Balam moves quicker.

Areva: oh! Oh honey! Oh! I- I prefer bananas on my own though. I love the feel of a banana in my hand. How I love swallowing a long banana. I love a long and oh so large banana in my mouth. Yum!

Balam: You pervert.

Balam places his hand around Areva’s neck.

Areva giggles.

Areva: Oh honey! I’ll be your pervert. You’re lucky that I’m like this. Wouldn’t it be boring if I was always sweet and innocent?

Balam: Sweet and innocent? You?

Areva: Oh you’re soo mean! I love being your property!

Balam: You’re a woman not my dishwasher.

Areva: maybe I should wear a collar and walk around like a doggy. If you didn’t discipline me I’d misbehave.

Balam: Maybe I should discipline you for talking nonsense.

Areva: Oh how romantic you are!

Mobile phone rings.

Balam seems to be stopping.

Areva: We are not stopping! I need this!

Areva answers the mobile phone.

Balam speeds up.

Areva(To the phone): H-hello? Jen-Jen! Yes? Oh my God! Of course! I’ll tell Balam right away! A-am I shagging Balam? Of course not! I-I’ll see you tomorrow then. Kiss. Bye.

Balam: What did Jen-Jen want?

Areva: Some hooligan stole the melon cart!

Balam: Damn! That’ll be the first thing I’ll deal with tomorrow then.
Areva: I can’t believe someone would do that to poor Jen-Jen!

Lights down.

Scene 4: Flashback of Sadism

Lights up

Enter Areva from the left. He wears feminine clothing and is wearing high heels. He carries a handbag. Areva takes out a mirror and looks at himself. He then places mirror back in the handbag. He looks as if he is to continue walking when Jones enters from the right. Areva looks in fear at Jones. Jones wears messy clothing that are blue.

Jones: Well, well if it ain’t Areva!

Areva: Wh-what do you want!?

Jones: defensive aren’t we? Eard you like dressing like a chick. Always thought you was a faggot.

Areva: don’t call me that!
Jones: Know what my gang do to people like you?

Areva says nothing and looks defiantly at Jones.
Jones: We give em a good beating and piss on em!

Areva: It must be pretty easy to beat someone when you have ten on one.
Jones: What you say?

Areva: You heard me! Your gang are weak! You run around mugging old ladies and you hang about the abandoned harbour!
Jones: You know where the massacres are then?

Areva: Humph! You act so tough but you’re nothing! You’d never last a day against the big boys!
Jones: Like your father?

Areva: Don’t you dare talk about him!
Jones: Aww! Is it cause his ass was capped by the Holy Chickens?

Areva(In great stress and holding hands onto ears): Piss off!
Jones: eard tha yer pops begged before he was capped!

Areva takes out a knife from the handbag and attempts to stab Jones. Jones dodges and punches Areva in the belly. Areva drops to his knees in pain. Jones picks up the knife and throws it off-stage to the right.

Jones: Attacking me now! (Jones violently grabs Areva’s hair and pulls Areva on the floor) I’ll teach you a lesson!
Areva screams in pain.

Areva( Crying): Please! Please don’t hurt me!

Jones stops hurting Areva.

Jones: I jus had me an idea. Some of tha lads say you are good at sucking guys so as an apology yer gonna do it ta me.
Areva(Confused): Wha-what?

Jones unzips his trouser.
Areva( Realizing in horror what Jones is intending): oh no! Please no! Not that!

Jones: I’ll kill you if you don’t!

Enter Balam from the right. He is in a state of mess. He is bruised and bloodied. His clothing has bloodstains. He sees Areva and Jones.

Balam( To Areva): Areva? Is that you? Why are you dressed like a broad?
Jones( To Balam whilst zipping up): Fuck sake! Fuck off will ya!

Balam( To Jones): You Massacres started attacking women now?
Jones: None of yo business!

Balam( To Areva): Woman. Do you have a twin brother named Areva?
Areva( To Balam): It’s me Mr Balam. Areva. I live on the same street as you do.

Balam: Never knew you were secretly a tasty broad.
Jones( To Balam): You fucking retarded? He’s a dude dressed like a fucking chick! A faggot!

Balam( To Jones calmly) I couldn’t care less. Now, will you leave?
Jones: Why you giving me trouble dawg!? You a faggot?

Balam: Faggot!? You accuse me of being a Welsh dish! You’re dead punk!

Balam attacks Jones. Balam tackles Jones to the floor and begins choking Jones.
Both stop moving.

Areva stands up. Lights concentrate on Areva.

Areva(To Audience) I-I knew Balam was a psychopath but I never knew he liked me. All the others girls say he’s a monster. He never talks to me. I know he works for the Cuco. I thought he was just a monster. B-but I see how amazing he is! (Areva drops to his knees and breathes in a heavy sexual manner) Oh! Oh my God! (Areva places his left hand onto his groin) Oh Balam! Oh I shouldn’t be having these dirty feelings! Mama would not be happy at all! Not at all! Mama always says perverts like me rot in hell! I don’t want to go to hell! Mama would beat me if she saw me like this! Oh my God! Oh Balam! I loved how you broke that man’s nose! Oh how I wanted to lick the blood off your face! I’m disgusting! A dirty pig-whore! Mama always tells me she should have had an abortion instead of having me! I can’t believe someone would help me! Why are you helping me Balam!? Oh no! Dirty thoughts again ( Areva moans in sexual manner) Oh! Oh! I want you Balam! I want you! Penetrate me! Penetrate me! ( Areva moans orgasmically)

Areva looks exhausted and breathes heavily. Lights stop concentrating on Areva and concentrates on whole stage. Balam kills Jones.
Balam stands up.

Areva looks shocked at Jones dead body.

Areva: W-why are you in such a mess Mr Balam?
Balam: Call me Balam, Miss Areva.

Areva: Oh no! Just Areva is fine.
Balam: I just came back from a football game. Damned hooligans set off a riot.

Areva: Why'd you help me?
Balam: I like you.

Areva: What? But you never talk to me!
Balam: I'm a little bit shy.

Areva: No you are not! I've seen you about being violent to people!
Balam: We all have to work. I always wanted to talk to you, I just thought you might not like me

Areva: I'm not exactly a normal woman though.
Balam: I don't care. Now help me carry Jones. I know of a bog near here, no one will ever find him there.

Areva: Ok. Thanks for helping me.

Areva and Balam pick up Jones's dead body.

Balam: I like a tough woman ready to do what is necessary.
Areva: Oh Balam! You will make me blush so much at this rate!

Lights down.

Scene 5: Balam and Aban bring civilisation to hooligans

Lights up. Enter Balam and Areva from the left. Areva wears feminine clothing. Balam wears his business clothing with watch on left hand. Areva has a bag with food in it.

Areva: Okay honey, I have put fruit, beef sandwiches and bottles of water for you.
Balam: No chocolate?

Areva: Aban ate the last of it.
Balam: Ah. I'll see you later then love.

Areva. hmm hmmm. I'll be going shopping after work tonight.
Balam: I could send Jack to do-

Areva: No! I'll go and do it myself!

Areva kisses Balam.

Areva: Have a good day.
Balam: I will.

Lights down.
Lights up.

Enter Gio and Shelly from the right. They are both teenagers and wear youthful hooligan clothing ( Burberry, cheap jewellery and tracksuits). Gio is male, Shelly is female.

Gio: Yo dawg! me been smoking da spliffy innit likey! Rich folkies ge em like innit!
Shelly: Ya dawgus! Me sell to zackay selllos. Bo jerko go wid Berta and me think slippy slippy happen innit likes!

Gio: Ya!

Enter Aban, Jen-Jen and Balam from the left. Jen-Jen wears feminine clothing but not as feminine as Areva's.

Gio( To Jen-Jen, Aban and Balam): Who da you dawg likes?
Balam( To Shelly and Gio): Which one of you fine youngsters stole the melon cart?

Shelly( To Balam): Gio ask ya a quest ya asta!

Shelly aggressively approaches Balam and makes strange movements in front of him.

Balam( Confused to Jen-Jen): What the hell is this girl doing? I also cannot understand what they are saying.
Jen-Jen( To Balam): She just called you a bitch.

Balam: Rude!
Gio( To Balam): Me slicy slice you dawg!

Jen-Jen: And the lad just threatened to stab you Balam.
Balam: Ah I see. Well Jen-Jen my fine chum to Areva, I and Aban will deal with this in a perfectly civilised fashion. You may leave madame.

Jen-Jen: Of course Balam. Thanks.

Jen-Jen leaves to the left.

Balam( To Aban): Let's teach these fine youngsters what civilised gentlemen are like.
Aban( To Balam): Of course.

Shelley(To Balam): Ya want slicy slicy asta?

Balam places his hands upon Shelly's throat and chokes her. Aban tackles Gio and Gio and Aban leave stage to the right. Balam breaks Shelly's neck then drags her body off stage to the left. Balam returns from the left and waits.

Gio( Off-stage): ya basta! Basta!
Aban( Off stage): Fucking cunt!

Balam patiently waits.

Gio(Off stage): Ah! Pain! Pain!
Aban( Off stage): Got you now you little shithead! Ah Damn!

Gio re-enters stage from the right bleeding and screaming.
Aban re-enters chasing after Gio. Both pass Balam and leave stage to left.

Balam looks at the direction they went. He yawns. He looks at his watch for a few seconds.

Gio( Off stage): No dawg! No!
Aban(Off stage): Get back here!

Balam looks irritated.

Balam( To Aban): Fuck sake! Just kill him already will you! As much as I love killing people even people like I have things to do man apart from causing suffering and misery!

Aban( Off stage): He's a fast one! He's coming your way now!

Gio re-enters stage from left. Balam tackles Gio and then kicks him to death.
Aban re-enters from left looking out of breath.

Balam stands up from the floor.

Balam( Cheerfully): You my friend are getting old
Aban(Exhausted): Oh fuck! I'm exhausted! He is quick!

Balam: Not so quick anymore. Want lunch?
Aban: Sure man.

Balam: All this killing really does make a man peckish. Ultra- violence stomach!

Lights down

Scene 6: Areva and Jen-Jen: Girl talk?

Lights up.

On stage are Areva and Jen-Jen. Both wear feminine clothing. Areva has the book the social contract by Rousseau. They both sit at seats.

Areva: it doesn't make any sense!

Jen-Jen: Hm? What doesn't Ar?

Areva: Why would Marcello and Georgina get together? They both had no spark at all!
Jen-Jen: I thought it was soo cute!

Areva: Really? But Sarah and Marcello were soo much better. Poor Sarah would have been way more fitting. That director is a son of a bitch!
Jen-Jen( Giggling): everything to you, is a son of a bitch Ar.

Areva: Sunday Walk Town is no good anymore! So silly! How can it be so ridiculous!? Marcello and Georgina my bottom! humph! Well I have this book to read.

Jen-Jen giggles.

Areva: have you been taking laughing glass? Jen-Jen from giggletopia?

Jen-Jen: You reading a book!
Areva: Cheek! I read sometimes. I just don't get much time due to work.

Jen-Jen: Why not have a break?

Areva: Oh no. I don't need a break. The shop needs me and Balam works hard for us both. I need to do my bit, so after work I must prepare food and put it on the table so it's ready for him. What would I need with a break anyway? I'd just sit on my sexy bum all day and watch telly. Did you know Telly rots the brain? When Balam returns he needs Areva the housewife not Areva the bimbo.

Jen-Jen: Why don't you both go on holiday?

Areva: We went to the beach last month on a day out.
Jen-Jen: A real holiday. Like, go to america maybe?

Areva: Humph! Why would I want to go to America? I don't want to be a cowboy and fight Indians!
Jen-Jen: I don't think Indians and Cowboys fight each other anymore Ar.

Areva: I saw it on a documentary once. Some fellow named Clint Eastwood or something in a film about something bad and ugly or was it good? Anyway we'll go on holiday sometime but not now.

Jen-Jen: Are you going to the Christmas festival?

Areva: Oh yes. I cannot wait to wear my new white dress. What are you going to wear Jen?
Jen-Jen: I'm not going. No one will take me.

Areva: Nonsense! Aban will take you.
Jen-Jen: Does he even like me?

Areva: Of course he'll take you. Wear something that'll show off that chest of yours! That'll get him excited.
Jen-Jen(Laughing): God! You're so lewd!

Lights down.
Lights up.

There is a seat on stage. Aban is sitting in the seat. Areva is brushing Aban's hair with a comb. Aban wears nice posh clothing, Areva is in a white dress.

Aban: This ain't gonna work Ar.

Areva: Now, now, don't be a son of a bitch. It is very simple. You take her to the event, you then take her to have a lovely meal and then after you've had a lovely time, you take her to her place. You maybe give her a kiss then off home you go.

Aban: What if she wants to, you know?
Areva: Know?

Aban: You know.
Areva: No?

Aban: Put my carrot in her soil? Dance of love?
Areva: Are you high? Is that why you are speaking gibberish?

Aban: Sex.
Areva: Humph! You pig! Obsessed with sex! Ladies do not do that on their first date! ( To Balam who is off stage to the left): Darling! Darling!

Balam( Off stage): Yeah?
Areva: Do ladies have sex on their first date?

Balam: Why are you asking?
Areva: Aban thinks Jen-Jen will fuck him.

Balam: Language woman! Not sure about full on excitement but maybe some oral loving?
Areva: I cannot see-

Balam: Don't you say ladies don't do such things on their first date, you gave me one.

Aban chortles.

Areva looks embarrassed.

Areva: How can you say that when Aban is here? So embarrassing!
Balam: Honesty is good for the mind. Why can't I brag about you and your oral skills from your pretty pleasurable mouth?

Areva: Humph! Fine then! I'll tell Aban about what you do to me!
Balam: Don't do that! You know what a randy bastard he can be.

Aban( To both): Dudes! I'm here you know!
Balam( To Aban): I know you are and it is a simple fact that you are one randy chap.

Aban: Why are you poofs so crazy?

Enter Balam from the left. He is in posh clothing.

Areva and Balam( At same time to Aban): we are not poofs!

Aban: Yeah sure. Two dudes porking ain't homosexuality and I'm Merlin!

Areva( To Balam): Explain away honey!

Balam( To Areva): Of course. ( To Aban): Areva and I can't be a pair of poofs. Does she look like a chap to you? No. Would I be having intercourse with Areva if she were a gay? Heck no! Gays are fucking disgusting man!

Areva: You tell him honey!

Balam: All these homosexuals running around this country can't be healthy for anyone. Maybe we should lock up all gays on an island? The only good gay is a dead gay I say!

Areva: Yeah! Right as always darling!

Balam: So there you have it chum! You have so much to learn! Thinking I and Areva are poofs? What's next? Thinking we are aliens?

Areva( To Aban): Silly man! ( To Balam) What time is it?

Aban( To himself): Madness!

Balam( Checks watch and to Areva) Eight. Jack should have the car ready by now. Let's go.

Lights down

Scene 7: Dance

Lights up.

On stage is a single seat. Enter Areva from the left. He dances around the seat then sits on the seat. He is drunk.

Enter Balam from the left.

Areva: Kiss me! Kiss me!

Balam kisses Areva.

Areva: I want to dance.

Balam: Energetic tonight aren't you.

Balam and Areva dance a waltz. Ode to Joy is played. They dance for two minutes around the stage. Areva then sits on the seat looking sleepy.

Balam: you going to bed now?

Areva: yes, yes. I was thinking, how about you leave the Cuco group and we make a new life together? On a farm up in the mountains?

Balam: I don't think that's possible Areva.

Areva: I was thinking we could do good for a change instead of crime.

Areva yawns and falls asleep.

Balam: I'm a monster Areva. Crime is what I'm good at. I love my job and killing. It makes me alive and feel content. I need it and I'll be no good for you on a farm. You are the one person that could change me but no matter how much you decorate a monster it’s still a monster in the end. I'm your demon, your monster. Enough philosophy. Time to go to bed love.

Balam lifts Areva up as Areva sleeps. Balam carries Areva off stage to the right.

Lights down.

Curtains close.

The end.


Oh my dearest Balam!

My destroyer!
My beautiful killer!

Oh how you make me all tingly,
Oh you are so Kingly!

Your violence is so powerful!
It makes me dress up and be beautiful!

I want to be pretty for you,
I say to all other men, get lost you!

For I belong to you my wonderful demon,
Oh do stick in my bottom a lemon!

I would allow you to call me a bitch!
But alas! You do not like hip hop,
And you treat it as if it is a dastardly witch!

It pains me that I am not a normal woman,
But do treat me like I am your woman!

I may not be fully lass,
But available to you is my ass.

To me you are like the sun,
But I am unable to keep in my oven a bun.

It pains me that no Balam jr will I give you,
But you are so full of understanding,
My sweet Balam art thou!

Oh Balam!
Oh Balam!

Full of luck!
Bend me over and give me a fuck!
Tell me to get on my knees and you get a suck!

I am your lover,
So take me as if you are waves upon cliffs of Dover!

You are my ideology,
I am a follower of Balamology.

If my English was bad,
Like a lass accused of being a lad,
I’d say: Me love you long time!

Oh Balam!
Oh Balam!

You and I are one,
Our souls and spirit in one.

Oh Balam!
Oh How I love you!


Today the Pacifist Charity was established today! The charity founded by Mr Balam Von Violenti and his partner Areva Tolzonka, as well as the mysterious philanthropist Cuco Ibn Cucu.
Mr Violenti and Miss Tolzonka are well known throughout the Tani and Tana districts for their campaigning against drug usage and crime.
I inquired from Mr Balam as to what is to be done, he stated “Crime is a real problem in this city, that is why the Pacifist charity was established by I, Areva and the kind and passionate Mr Cuco! We were all brought up in these districts and it is a damned shame that evil doers plague the land! This charity will help promote the ideals of pacifism amongst the youth and in-still in them a dislike to drugs and violence. Violence is wrong and must be stopped! We must replace hate with love!”
A truly compassionate man Mr Balam Von Violenti is indeed. I then asked Miss Areva about the situation in the city. She said with tears in her eyes “Oh it is soo saddening! I feel such sorrow to what has been happening! Violence is such a distasteful element in this world! May this new charity help people!”
It has been accused by some in our society that Areva Tolzonka is but a transgender bimbo trophy for her rich and charitable businessman lover but from her words she is truly a wise lady with grace!
Mr Cuco was unavailable to comment due to being away and preoccupied at events to raise awareness for homeless puppies.
May these three people be a great example of what this nation with its troubled past can aspire to! Look at these men and lady as our future! A better future for us all in pacifistic love!

By Samuel.R.I.N Davies of the Segjustanian Daily News.

Author's Statement

This is the work for Beauty of Segjustan. The work was expelled from me in a natural releasing of creativity. Maybe that sounds pretentious, if it is then so be it.
If someone claims that the work is immoral and evil then I'd argue that maybe it is and maybe it isn't, it doesn't really matter in the end, all that matters is that people gain some entertainment value out of it.
I hope to continue the Beauty Of Segjustan series and other different work. That is my goal anyway. Well, I hope you enjoyed the work and have a good day.

By A.Kakapo

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