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Yearning

100 word Drabble. Using foreign word: saudade. It means yearning in Portuguese

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/2046748-30-Day-Image-Contest/day/7-13-2015

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30 Day Image Contest

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Contest Entry · #2046748

My book for the 30 Day Image Prompt Contest

Hmm, let's see how this goes...

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Cinn

Aug 1, 2015 at 2:38pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Love it. Some of it sounds familiar. It's similar to some of your other work as far as the phrasing goes, but who cares?

That last line is beautiful too.

Elle

Jul 28, 2015 at 6:37pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

He chewed tobacco until it chewed back. There's an image I won't get out of my head in a hurry!

Charlie ~

Jul 22, 2015 at 7:44pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crossfaded! Yes.. We were drinking, but for sure coulda been huffing too.

I'm glad you like this one. I'll have you edit some stuff after the contest ends anyway. I need to add some to my poetry folder.

Cinn

Jul 21, 2015 at 3:41pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I haven't heard the term 'crossfaded' in years. Ah, nostalgia!

So, the brown paper bag... booze or huffing? Considering the rest of the poem, it definitely seems like... huffing. Just curious about the intention.

Lightning and ribs... both featured heavily in one of my recent poems too. Strange that they seem to go so well together.

Anyway, I think this is one of the best in the contest so far. Love the first stanza... the whole narrative is really solid... the imagery is off-kilter awesome. The "i know i can trust them to do their best at chipping away" is a bit verbose, but that's the only criticism I have. Tighten the last lines after the contest and it will just be gold, man.

1 Like

Cinn

Jul 20, 2015 at 3:41pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aaaaw... sad and dark but written in a sweet nostalgic tone. Not a favorite, but I dig it.

Cinn

Jul 19, 2015 at 7:03pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I thought maybe you had something else in mind, actually. That's just... how it read to me. Clearly, the emotion can across just fine because that's what I got out of it too.

I definitely have those moments where if anyone speaks to me, looks at me, or touches me, I feel like ripping their face off.

It just... happens sometimes.

Charlie ~

Jul 19, 2015 at 6:18pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Exactly. I knew you'd get it.

Cinn

Jul 19, 2015 at 6:16pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Teddy bear gore is superior to all other forms. Yeah, man... chew that bear's face right off. Love it! Honestly, pretty amazing description of those 'everything is technically fine, but I'm agitated so fuck off" moments.

1 Like

Cinn

Jul 18, 2015 at 12:22am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Sorta hard to ease into "Then he twisted the head off a live chicken". Just saying.

Charlie ~

Jul 18, 2015 at 12:16am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I was probably easing into the story. Don't wanna be super gross about it at first.

And yeah, I'm still horrified.

July 13, 2015 at 10:24am

#854234

Day 12 - Moral Guidance

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

It amazes me the way our lives
move on without us, as though
we're dollhouse pieces tossed
aside once they've had their fill.

Under the moon's watchful eye,
we crumble beneath the weight
of misplaced normalcy, bills on
the counters and a to-do list on
the refrigerator; but we rebuild
ourselves by daybreak, glued
together at the joints and bends.

We bleed a silent resolve, simple
promises to ourselves about
putting one foot in front of the
other and building a protective
cocoon around those we love,
something we never had a
chance to experience firsthand.

Our morality doesn't grab you by
the throat and scream in your face
or disguise itself as something else
under knitted covers and locked
doors. It's a shaky tightrope walk
of balance between good and evil.

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/2046748-30-Day-Image-Contest/day/7-13-2015