Love it. Some of it sounds familiar. It's similar to some of your other work as far as the phrasing goes, but who cares? That last line is beautiful too.
I haven't heard the term 'crossfaded' in years. Ah, nostalgia! So, the brown paper bag... booze or huffing? Considering the rest of the poem, it definitely seems like... huffing. Just curious about the intention.
Lightning and ribs... both featured heavily in one of my recent poems too. Strange that they seem to go so well together.
Anyway, I think this is one of the best in the contest so far. Love the first stanza... the whole narrative is really solid... the imagery is off-kilter awesome. The "i know i can trust them to do their best at chipping away" is a bit verbose, but that's the only criticism I have. Tighten the last lines after the contest and it will just be gold, man.
I thought maybe you had something else in mind, actually. That's just... how it read to me. Clearly, the emotion can across just fine because that's what I got out of it too.
I definitely have those moments where if anyone speaks to me, looks at me, or touches me, I feel like ripping their face off. It just... happens sometimes.
Teddy bear gore is superior to all other forms. Yeah, man... chew that bear's face right off. Love it! Honestly, pretty amazing description of those 'everything is technically fine, but I'm agitated so fuck off" moments.
Snowflakes cascade down the
cloaked back of my dark servant,
eager to bend to my command
as she stumbles farther into
the recesses of my mind.
Bitter winter cold freezes my
heart with grey contempt as I
grab her hips, turn them in the
right direction and push her
along the foggy path.
Watching her arms outstretched
toward the tree grove, I can see
that she is blindfolded by my
malice, struggling to move one
foot in front of the other.
Howling winds silence her pleas
and allow me to recede into my
own thoughts where it's safe
to hum against the droning
tedium of close enough.
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