Janice is definitely unreliable when it comes to interpreting behavior, I'd say. To some degree, he's also a guy... and her mother isn't very subtle. I guess the endless attempts at seduction could have finally been too much.
To be honest though... I don't know. Not sure if I had something in mind or hadn't even considered it. I'm not really a story writer, so character development isn't my strong suit. Pulling emotions from the reader is more my speed (sorry that it was too close to home though). I could use some more discipline. I know HOW to do these things, but I don't like... do it.
This is all pretty common for me and my style. Heavy on nuance, really light on storytelling techniques. Glad you made it through, and thanks for the feedback, J.B. Ezar!
For I moment there, reading the first paragraph, I thought I wouldn’t make it: poetic images flicker, and I can’t find the key to understanding what’s happening. On my second read, everything makes perfect sense—every image has a purpose, every comparison has a reason, every reaction is justified. The core conflict, unfortunately, is too personally familiar. It took me years to stop hating my hair, and I can only imagine what could have happened if the contrast between us wasn’t in my favour like it was for poor Janice. It’s easy to root for her even knowing what she did.
Both Mother’s and Janice's motivation is quite clear, but Ben’s escaped me. It was obviously planned on Mother’s side, but why did Ben do it? Did he just run out of energy resisting? “A mechanical toy wound too tight”, which is a great image, takes away his personality. Was he always into her mother?
Is Janice the unreliable narrator, was she just misinterpreting Ben’s behaviour, overestimating his devotion?
Thanks, Sal! I thought it was a cute idea. Writing in a child's voice? That wasn't easy for me. You know... literary-style is my fallback. So, I'm super glad that it worked.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 6:21am on Jul 17, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Not sure if I had something in mind or hadn't even considered it. I'm not really a story writer, so character development isn't my strong suit. Pulling emotions from the reader is more my speed (sorry that it was too close to home though). I could use some more discipline. I know HOW to do these things, but I don't like... do it. 
. Now, if only you could learn to eat maggots ...
