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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by FivetricksterTreats

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👀intu the Darkness

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Waltz in the Lonesome October

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pumpkin

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

Feb 19, 2023 at 10:26am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've had decent participation with Journalistic Intentions (even though I know my prompts are sometimes considered "difficult"). I do think that there's been a bit of a shift in regards to contests and activities, where people have been more open to admitting they find some setups too restricting or that they feel intimidated by contests. I would love to be in discussions to address those issues, but so far I haven't been invited.

June 24, 2019 at 6:59pm

#961474

Remember acting normal?

Artist: Sigur Rós
Song: I Gaer
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "Blogging Circle of Friends " : Is there a difference between your personal memories and your history as others know it, and what intrigues you most about how other people recall the past?

Right now, I want to find the most "normal" thing to do and I want to just do that thing. If you've read my last entry, "Invalid Entry"

, that will make total sense. I'm away from home for the next 5 days starting today and I'm desperately trying to do a hard reset if that's at all possible. I haven't written for a Blog City prompt in forever and that's something normal I did at one time, so, here we go.

You know when you see a photograph of yourself as a kid and you almost form a memory around it? Like, oh yes, I remember this day with the dinosaur shirt when you're really just remembering a picture you've seen of that day? I think memories work like that a lot. I haven't really researched memory very much, so this isn't a scientifically-based response at all, but I think the past is so easy to alter.

When my brothers and I talk about our childhood, we each remember different parts of it. Overwhelmingly, we remember the same state of existence. We remember the same general atmosphere of our childhood home. But all of us remember different specific incidents that happened. My brother will say something and I don't remember what he's talking about at all. Then he'll describe it in greater detail and I'm like, okay, maybe I do remember that. Then the next time he brings up that event, I already have the base memory that he gave to me during the previous conversation on the topic. Instead of waiting for him to explain the situation, I can fill in the blanks as though it's my memory.

Especially if you're someone who has dealt with gaslighting, memory is a tricky thing. When you have people who are willing to dodge blame by saying, "Oh that didn't happen." Or, "That didn't happen how you think it did." You start to question your ability to trust your own memories.

I think about that often. Did that happen like I think it did, or did my memory somehow get skewed?

There's always going to be a disconnect between personal memories and the way others know your history. No one is inside your head experiencing your memories. Even if they were there at the time, they're never going to be able to remember things from your perspective because they never had your perspective to begin with.

As far as other people's past though, I really like knowing the mundane details. I don't want to know about the big picture major events in someone's life. It's not as interesting to me as the day-to-day. When I was a kid, my grandparents talked about their lives together in Chicago. I wanted the details of their apartment floor plan. And I'd ask questions like, "Where were the windows? What could you see out of the window? What stores were around? Did you like to walk anywhere? What were your favorite restaurants? How much was rent? Was it furnished?"

I remember having the exact conversation above with my grandparents. I loved to watch and listen to them reminisce on their life together 40 years before. I didn't particular care about my mother's birth story or their wedding story or a vacation they took. Not that I wouldn't listen to that, but I tried to steer them in the direction of more unremarkable things.

Because all of those unremarkable things make up the remarkable history of a person.

It isn't the big events that occur once in a lifetime, it's all the things in between.

Looking back, I think this is what got me into journal writing at such a young age. I remember going to a museum and reading these very old journals from people just describing their day of making dinner or washing clothes or hunting or whatever. I thought it was so cool to have an account of that history because it's so much more important than those one-time things that are remembered whether they're written or not.

Plus, collecting those details is a great way to preserve your own memory. Did that happen the way I think it did? Oh yeah, I have a written account from that day right here to reference. Can't argue with that.

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