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Mon, Oct 27, 2025

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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#1974611 by Not Available.

I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by FivetricksterTreats

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👀intu the Darkness

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Waltz in the Lonesome October

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pumpkin

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

Feb 19, 2023 at 10:26am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've had decent participation with Journalistic Intentions (even though I know my prompts are sometimes considered "difficult"). I do think that there's been a bit of a shift in regards to contests and activities, where people have been more open to admitting they find some setups too restricting or that they feel intimidated by contests. I would love to be in discussions to address those issues, but so far I haven't been invited.

May 2, 2019 at 12:01am

#958033

Objectified.

Artist: Bright Eyes
Song: Lua
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" :
Remember bringing something from home for “Show and Tell” at school when we were little? Today, I want you to do the same in your blog. Pick an object that means something to you and describe it. What does it remind you of? How did the object come into your life? Does it bring you comfort? What is the story behind the object?

I'm feeling calmer now. I haven't slept yet, but I've collected my thoughts and I'm less hyped up. Hopefully I can write a little bit more coherently than my earlier entry.

This is a normal thing for me, by the way.

I get really worked up during final exams or midterms, well, really any time I have a lot on my plate. I get that frantic pressured speech thing. I didn't notice it until my therapist pointed it out last fall. My last exam is on Friday and there's a 100% chance that I'm going to crash after that and lay in bed for like three days. I have no idea why. I get really down after the hype wears off.

So, an object...

To be honest, I don't remember actually doing Show and Tell in school. I remember seeing it in movies and tv shows and stuff, but maybe Catholics don't believe in showing and telling things.

I do understand the concept of it though, and I think it's kind of a cute way to see what's important to a kid. I'd love to see what my niece would be excited to show, for example. Kids' minds are just so pure and unabashed.

A while ago, I decided I was going to stop being afraid of things. Sounds weird, but I swear this will tie in. For example, if you're afraid of spiders and think you see one crawl under the table in your peripheral. I used to be the type of person that would ignore it. Like, just completely pretend I didn't see it. I was very avoidant in this way. It caused me less anxiety to pretend the potential spider just wasn't there than to actually move closer and confirm one way or the other.

This is something that has always really bothered me about myself. Spending so much time being anxious about potential "what-ifs" makes you constantly teeter on this line of general anxiety. To counter it, I recently decided to just look.

Obviously, the spider is a metaphor here.

I decided this rather impulsively and I don't even remember the circumstances around this decision. And it's still a very impulsive thing. I catch myself thinking about and then actively avoiding a "what-if" and then I just impulsively face the potential thing. I've got no more Schrodinger's anxiety about if something is a problem or not because I know instantly one way or the other now.

So, an object...

The thing is, I don't really have any objects of which I have emotional attachment. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't have anything from my childhood. Not a single thing. Not a stuffed animal, a blanket, a book, a family heirloom... I just literally don't have anything that I had in childhood. When I left my parents' house at 16, my dad destroyed all of my belongings, including any childhood photographs of me or any physical belongings that I would've carried into adulthood.

Throughout the years, I've moved so many times that I've never really acquired new things. I have some electronics, some books, I have a couple journals. But I don't have any physical item that I could stand up in front of someone and say, "Hey, lookie at this very meaningful thing I have."

Because of that, I've gotten very minimalistic with my possessions. I don't want to have belongings. Things tether you and I don't need to be tethered.

I view my body as my worldly possession. It's mine to do whatever I'd like. I look at my hands and I think of all they've done. All they've created, all they will create, all that they've been through. I know it probably sounds pretentious or something, but I rely on my body a lot this way. Being able to just look at my body and knowing where I've been and what I've been through. I find it to be so comforting in a "If you could do that, you can do this" kind of way.

You can't take things with you when you go. We all know that. So I hold things within my body and my soul. Memories, secrets, experiences. Things that are all mine. Things that could never be represented by a physical object.

So, an object...

I don't know if you caught that tie in. But I think what I was trying to say is that I'm relying on my body to urge myself to be more impulsive with confronting potential issues. I don't know if that makes sense. I find comfort within myself. Reminding myself that no matter what is under the "table" I've likely been through worse. My body will withstand whatever I may be confronted with.

I know I can't sit here and describe to you my scrawny-ass body and have it be like, "Oh, okay, great, Charlie. I totally get it." I know we're looking for an actual object that can be, ya know, shown. I'm trying.

The only thing more replaceable than people is things.

Well, I do have one thing...

When my grandmother was alive, her favorite thing to do was crossword puzzles. As a kid, I would lie on her couch and she'd say, "What's a 4-letter word for command?" "What's an 8-letter word for milestone?"

Anyway, when she died, my grandfather gave me the crossword puzzle book that she had been working on. She was in the middle of a puzzle about 2/3 of the way through the book.

Anyone who has lost a loved one, especially suddenly, knows how painful those half-finished things are. Half-used lipstick, bookmarks in half-read books, unkept dinner plans.

Every time I see this crossword puzzle book, my stomach just turns. Knowing that she was actively working her way through this puzzle with no idea that she was about to die...

That hurts.

I'm not sure what the trouble was
that started all of this.
The reasons all have run away,
but the feeling never did.

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