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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by FivetricksterTreats

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👀intu the Darkness

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Waltz in the Lonesome October

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pumpkin

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

Feb 19, 2023 at 10:26am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've had decent participation with Journalistic Intentions (even though I know my prompts are sometimes considered "difficult"). I do think that there's been a bit of a shift in regards to contests and activities, where people have been more open to admitting they find some setups too restricting or that they feel intimidated by contests. I would love to be in discussions to address those issues, but so far I haven't been invited.

July 10, 2019 at 1:27am

#962386

Radical Independence

Artist: Troye Sivan
Song: Fools
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : What’s on your mind right now? Do you have any “brain worms” or current obsessions? If you didn’t have to blog right now, what would you be doing?

I'm really obsessed with self-growth and independence right now. I don't know if it's because I'm graduating at the end of the year or if it's a reaction to other things in my life, but I pretty much want to solely make decisions and do things for myself at this point. It's nice to consult other people and get outside perspectives, but I feel like at some point you have to go with your instincts on things, and that's where I'm headed.

I'm a person who's very easily influenced by outside forces. If someone I even mildly trust or care about suggests something to me, I'm not likely to go against that suggestion. I don't think that's necessarily a bad trait to have, but it can quickly get you into bad situations when you skip right over your instincts and intuition so that you can meet the expectations of other people. There are a lot of things in life I would have done or would have not done if I had listened to myself rather than accepting other people's opinions as facts.

So, when it comes to things relating to myself, here are some rules I'm trying to follow:

1. What do I want? Sounds pretty obvious, but this hasn't always been something I've considered in the past. In fact, it has often been one of the last things I've asked myself when making decisions. I'm trying to think about what I want in my life rather than to anticipate what others want or expect me to do.

Usually when a choice falls into my lap, my first thought is, "What would so-and-so want me to do?" I'm trying to steer myself away from that. I'm trying to think along the lines of, "If I didn't know any other people, what choice would I want to make?" Of course, the people you know do play a part in your decisions, I'm just trying to also play a part in my decisions.

2. Less explanations. Like many others, I have a bad habit of over-explaining the reasoning behind what I choose to do. If I do end up making a choice for myself, it feels like I need to explain why I chose that choice. Just going with a common, everyday example: If someone invites me somewhere and I just straight up have no interest in doing what this person has invited me to do, I often find myself coming up with an elaborate explanation for why I won't accept the invitation. Sometimes the explanation is true, but convoluted and rambling. Sometimes I'm just lying because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Which brings me to my next point...

3. No means no. Hypothetically, let's say that I've thought about what I want to do and I've chosen to do what I want to do without explanation to those around me. Now the next problem is that it's super easy for someone to change my mind. I already feel guilty because I've decided to go against what you want me to do. Everyone around me knows I feel guilty because that's just how I am. So all it really takes is for someone to hint at the fact that I should or might feel guilty and my 'no' suddenly becomes a 'well, ok.'

4. No apologies. Logically, I know that I shouldn't have to apologize for making choices that affect my life. But because of the guilt train mentioned above, I have a tendency to repeatedly apologize for not doing what someone else wants me to do. And that makes it even easier for a 'no' to turn into a 'well, ok.'

You might read this and think this is a non-issue because you've got no problem telling people what's up and paving your own path in life. All I've got for you is a big, congratulations. For those of us who grew up in situations where we were terrified to express dissenting views, it's not quite as easy. When your well-being and safety relies on you anticipating what another person wants you to say or do, you tend to develop these bad habits.

And it might not be a huge deal if you have trouble telling someone you don't want to accept a party invitation without feeling guilty, but when that general problem pervades every decision you make, it's a clusterfuck of an issue. When you're at the point where you're doing things you don't want to do, you're in distress or discomfort and you want out of a situation, but you think, this will be over soon and I don't want a conflict... then shit needs to be re-evaluated.

Re-evaluation? So, that's what I've been doing. I've been re-evaluating how I handle even my day-to-day decisions. If I've got a day off from work and I'm tired at 2 in the afternoon? Fuck it, I'm going to sleep. If I disagree with how my boss wants to go about something? Hey, I think there's a more efficient way we could do this. If I get an invite to something I don't want to do? Nope, not my thing, thanks for the invite. If I'm out somewhere and I'm uncomfortable? Well, I'm gonna head out. See you later. If I don't want to talk to someone? The conversation's over.

All this simple shit I didn't even realize I could just say.

The answer is no.

If you push me, the answer is fuck off.

And yeah, I've gotten called mean a couple times recently for it.

I know it's gotta be hard when you're used to pushing someone around and they suddenly push back. I'm learning more about my boundaries and limits. I'm learning about the things I just straight up won't compromise on. And, as far as I'm concerned, anyone lost along the way should've been lost a long time ago.

Don't give a fuck, not giving up, I still want it all

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