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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by FivetricksterTreats

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👀intu the Darkness

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Waltz in the Lonesome October

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pumpkin

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

Feb 19, 2023 at 10:26am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've had decent participation with Journalistic Intentions (even though I know my prompts are sometimes considered "difficult"). I do think that there's been a bit of a shift in regards to contests and activities, where people have been more open to admitting they find some setups too restricting or that they feel intimidated by contests. I would love to be in discussions to address those issues, but so far I haven't been invited.

July 4, 2019 at 12:03am

#962009

Independence Soapbox

Artist: La Dispute
Song: Damaged Goods
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Write about independence.

Independence is so many things. Em wasn't kidding about all the directions you can take it in.

The first thing that came to my mind was the independence of health. There is nothing more freeing than being mentally and physically healthy, and I don't think anyone can convince me otherwise.

That being said, I'm not having a super awesome time.

I'm out of my anxiety medication, which typically isn't a big deal. I have it set to auto-refill every 30 days. But every 3 or 6 months, the refill requires authorization from the prescriber for the pharmacy to fill the script. Apparently, this is the month that needs to be done. But, because the 4th of July is tomorrow, the doctor's office that prescribed the medication is closed until Monday.

The pharmacy said they can't refill it without that authorization. They said I can try another doctor's office if I have another provider I can call. No one is going to fill a script for benzos who hasn't seen you in their office before, but I tried my primary care doctor. Of course, he doesn't prescribe benzos because "benzos are bad" and asked if I'm taking my SSRI as prescribed.

So, basically...

I'm not going to have my anxiety meds until Tuesday at the earliest because even after the medication is authorized to be filled, the pharmacy usually takes at least 24 hours to fill it.

If you have panic attacks like I do, you know that going several days without your meds is terrible. I woke up with really bad anxiety this morning before I even knew this situation was happening. I took my last pill and then checked my account with the pharmacy to see if my meds were ready for pick up, and yeah, no.

It's difficult to go from the independence of being able to calm a panic attack down within 15 or 20 minutes to just having to figure it out myself. I don't have good coping skills. When something like this comes up, I'm like, sooo... do I just drink for the next 5 days or what?

Whatever the 'healthy' solution is in this scenario, I don't see it.

As far as America's independence goes, well, I'm a bit of a killjoy there. I don't like celebrations that impede on others' ability to, ya know, not celebrate. I think you should have a choice about whether you want to participate in something or not. And I think fireworks prevent people from having that option.

They're obnoxiously loud. Even in my area where they're banned without a permit, it doesn't matter. So many places obtain permits that fireworks are going off intermittently from the end of June until at least mid-July. Also, no one cares at all about enforcing firework laws. I have people shooting them off right outside of my building right now. At one place I lived, someone did call the cops because people were doing fireworks in the parking lot by people's cars. The police eventually came and told the people to stop and then 3 minutes after the police left, they just continued shooting off fireworks in the parking lot.

I understand that fireworks are relatively harmless, but for people who have PTSD or anxiety disorders, it's more than a minor annoyance. If it was limited to July 4th, that would be chill. But it's totally not.

I'd finally managed to fall asleep a couple nights ago when a string of black cat fireworks went off outside. That's scary af, especially when you live in the middle of one of the most violent cities in the country. It was, like, 2 or 3 in the morning and I didn't end up falling back asleep until daylight because I woke up so panicked that I couldn't get back into sleep mode for hours.

I think it's especially bad this year because I didn't have a spectacular June and I've been struggling with my anxiety a lot.

Of course, I understand that the world doesn't revolve around me. I don't think that no one should be able to celebrate with fireworks for the 4th. I just think that it should be contained to one night from X to Y time so that it's expected. That should be plenty of time to celebrate our country's independence.

Also, I don't know how much we really have to celebrate now as a country. (Yes, I'm entering another rant.)

I mean, the United States is undoubtedly a great country, but we're supposed to be celebrating how awesome we are while having children in cages

at the southern border? I mean this is sincerely horrifying

stuff and we're supposed to just turn the other way and make big 'boom' noises while patting ourselves on the back?

That doesn't even begin to touch on the epic wealth inequality

and our pisspoor healthcare

system. Oh, and did someone say crippling student loan debt?

Are we really as independent as we're led to believe? Most other countries have similar or worse problems, but at least they fucking own it.

That's my hot take. There is a lot to love about the U.S. but I'm far from wanting to throw a party for it at this point. There are so many problems that vitally need attention. In fact, I stopped listing things because I was bumming myself out more. I know I'm being overly negative. People should celebrate the holiday because that's the only reprieve they get from spinning their wheels at their paycheck-to-paycheck jobs.

Okay, I really am done now.

Now at the end of every day
I lie awake at night and wait
To feel the wires of my brain
Get cut and quietly rearranged

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