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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by FivetricksterTreats

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👀intu the Darkness

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Waltz in the Lonesome October

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pumpkin

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

Feb 19, 2023 at 10:26am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've had decent participation with Journalistic Intentions (even though I know my prompts are sometimes considered "difficult"). I do think that there's been a bit of a shift in regards to contests and activities, where people have been more open to admitting they find some setups too restricting or that they feel intimidated by contests. I would love to be in discussions to address those issues, but so far I haven't been invited.

July 5, 2019 at 12:08am

#962063

Reinvented - Kind of.

Artist: Fever Ray
Song: When I Grow Up
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : What did you dream about doing as an adult when you were little? Have you been able to achieve any of your childhood dreams? Share a fact about your life now that you never imagined would come true.

Em with the hard-hitting questions tonight. No chill.

I'll start this by saying that I have not 'grown up' in any way. I still feel the exact same as I did when I was 14 and I pretty much act like it too. Endlessly waiting to feel like I'm in my twenties and getting ever closer to thirty. Slowly starting to realize that no one knows what the fuck they're doing and everyone is lost 90% of the time.

When I was young, really young, I wanted to be a writer. Before I even knew how to spell or read, I would scribble on paper, not actually forming any words, but I would verbally or mentally write a story and do the physical process of writing something down. As soon as I learned English well enough to form written sentences, I was writing stories.

I wanted to be a journalist. I wanted to travel (probably because I lived in the middle of nowhere) and I wanted to write news stories about the places I went and people I met. And I stuck with that for years. If I'd been asked what I wanted to be when I grew up from ages 7-11, my response was always "a journalist."

Of course, I didn't understand then that news journalism is a super shady, manipulative, and competitive business endeavor. I thought that you just went to the beach and wrote about it.

Or someone saved a cat from a tree and you reported on it.

At around 11 years old or so, I got really into psychology. I wanted to understand myself and I wanted to grow up and help people who were like me.

So then it became "psychologist." I wanted to be a child psychologist and I stuck with that for a few years. I read abnormal psychology books. I researched things I'd been diagnosed with and I was really into the science and brain mechanics of the whole thing.

But, honestly, from around 14 years old onward, I had no goals or aspirations. When someone asked me what I wanted to do after school or what I wanted to do as an adult, I'd be like, "What are you talking about? I'm not going to be an adult." I'm not going to reach the age of 18. I'm not going to graduate. There isn't going to be any "after childhood" portion to my life.

I was completely devoted and committed to that ideology. I wasn't sad and I didn't care. It was just kind of the natural course of things. I left school, I got kicked out of my parents' house, I bounced around from place to place. No rules, no curfew, no one watching out for me, no one guiding me.

It was a predestined trajectory in my mind.

So, the one thing that young me would have never imagined?

Easy - being here now.

Being 1 semester away from graduating college.

Graduating with a degree in accounting and finance. (Randomly doing a bunch of math and stats??)

Being married, definitely.

Having anything resembling a relationship with my parents.

Living where I live.

Finding my way back to writing.

Pretty much everything about my current day-to-day life was unfathomable to me 10 years ago. Being surrounded by people who are successful and motivated in life. Having the confidence to make decisions for myself instead of waiting for someone to show up and make them for me. Just knowing and doing things I never thought I could know or do.

I never could have imagined that I'd have the ability to roll with the punches so hard. To be told no and pushed down so many times and be able to bounce back like, "Nope, fuck you, still here" is shocking given how fragile I was as a child.

I mean, I still am fragile as fuck. But with a twist of "not today, bitch!"

On the seventh day I rest
For a minute or two
Then back on my feet to call for you

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