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 |  A journey of self-improvement - or not. |
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Sup? I'm Char. You may know me from timeless classics such as
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[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya They say jump and ya say "how high?" Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head |
Artist: Modest Mouse Song: The World At Large [Embed For Use By Upgraded+]  Prompt from Emily  via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  : Write a detailed description of how your significant other (or another loved one) has made you a better person.  Challenge from Elle  via "JAFBG" : Flip today's 30DBC prompt and write a blog entry that is 'a detailed description of how your significant other (or another loved one) has made you a worse person.  Firstly, congratulations on getting married, Kit  ! I hope your wedding day is amazing and special.  I've kind of dropped out of the challenge, but Elle/Emily lured me back in with these flip-flop prompts.  I'm still sick and struggling to stay afloat with school and work. It's super difficult to stay positive and motivated when you just wanna crawl into bed and sleep all the time. Enough about that though. Let's do the thingy.3 ways my SO has made me a better person  Confidence.My SO has helped me grow my confidence a lot. When we met, I never stood up for myself about anything, ever. I just went with whatever was going on around me because I didn't even realize that there were options in life. I have a lot more confidence in myself and getting what I want now compared to when we met because she helped me see that what I want is just as valid as what other people want from me. I have an easier time telling people no now. I have an easier time not apologizing every time someone decides that I didn't do what was most beneficial for them. It's nice to have an outlook that leans toward making positive decisions for myself with confidence that I'm doing the right thing. Determination.Along with growing my confidence, Kira has always been supportive of what I want to do. She'll definitely tell me the downsides of a decision I'm making, but if it's what I want to do, she supports my endeavors. This has been absolutely crucial with school. I think we actually intersected in our determination level for me. In the beginning, I think she was definitely nervous that I was going to give up halfway through and go do something else. I didn't have a history of completing things, especially not difficult things. I was determined not to do that. But since the halfway point, my brain has been screaming at me that I can't do it, whereas her determination in me has grown. For the past couple years, I've definitely relied on her to be like, "Not only can you do it, but you are actively doing it." Now I'm less than 3 months from finishing so, heyyy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Stability.Because you tend to get into a routine in long-term relationships, I'm much more stable now than I've been in the past. I still have my moments, obviously, but I'm generally more level a larger percentage of the time. When you're dealing with mental or physical health issues, having some kind of stability is so important. Sometimes when I get really worked up, I just feel like I'm totally losing it. She can be like, "Hey, let's watch this movie, come here." And I'm like, are you fucking nuts? you want to do this mundane thing when I'm clearly losing my mind? But then she lures me into something distracting and I'm like, oh wow, this feels normal?? I still do my spiral thing, or whatever, but I'm less reckless and take better care of myself just because I have that stable support system to straighten me out before I get to the point where I'm going to be self-destructive usually. That's another thing too, just the stability of having someone to remind me to do basic things like eat, take my medication, etc. Some people aren't great at doing these things on their own. I'm some people. 3 ways my SO has made me a worse person Anxiety.Before, I didn't give a fuck about anything. All of a sudden I have this thing that matters to me a lot. My issues with depression and my recklessness from being borderline have improved some for sure (they wax and wane), but my anxiety has gotten, like, 7 times worse. There are just so many things I never thought to worry about before. I had so little actual responsibility and no one holding me accountable for anything. The craziest shit could happen and it would just be like, shrug. Who gives a shit? Now it's like my choices have consequences and I have to be careful to make the right ones. Then there are the things that are beyond my control that terrorize me with the potential for doom. I'm a complete puppet on anxiety's strings now. And, let me just say, not because I want to compare them, but because it's my blog and my experience... Anxiety is waaaaaaay fucking worse. Like, when I was depressed, that shit sucked. But I also didn't care, if that makes sense. I was like, yeah, everything is total shit and I don't wanna move from this spot where I've been laying on the floor for hours. But it was nothing compared to the sheer panic and neuroticism of anxiety. Like, holy fuck. Jaded.I'm the type of person who likes to see the good in people and give them second chances. Kira is most certainly not.  She's quick to write someone off as an asshole and quick to assume that someone is intentionally being a dick. On top of that, she will write off ANYONE. Like her own family members even. They'll do something legitimately shitty, but I think most people try to work out? She doesn't. She's like, "k, fuck you, bye forever now." I have no idea how she does it.She's rubbed off on me a little bit, but not fully. So I'm like, man, this person's a fucking asshole... totally done with them for life. But then that Catholic guilt kicks in and I'm like JUST KIDDING, LOVE YOU!  I've 100% become more jaded with Kira. Because she's heard all about my past from both me and my family members. She was the first person who was like, "Wait, no, that story is shitty, those people are assholes, and it's not okay that you went through that." Antisocial.My SO is not a people person, in case you didn't gather that on your own. We're both pretty introverted, but she's a lot more introverted than me when it comes to meeting new people or going out. But because I have a tendency to be introverted anyway, we feed into each other's introversion. It's like, we could leave the house and do something OR we could not put pants on and just lay around listening to music instead.Since I started the higher levels of my degree, I'm so busy that I don't get as much social interaction as I used to. When I do have a little bit of free time, I'm hanging with my SO and being around other people just isn't our idea of fun. Now I'm thinking about the prospect of trying to go to a physical job every day and I'm hoping I can find something remote instead. I know it probably won't help with anxiety issues and stuff, but ya know, that's why this is on the negatives list.  I like songs about drifters, books about the same They both seem to make me feel a little less insane |
Artist: Ugly Casanova Song: Parasites [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt from Eric Wharton  via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : In 1969, Neil Armstrong first set foot on the moon. Afterward, people commonly complained, “If they can put a man on the moon, why can’t they ______?” How would you finish that statement today? So, I've legit been sick for over 3 weeks now.  I went back to my doctor and he put me on antibiotics because he thinks I have a sinus infection and bronchitis. Feels so shitty because I've obviously fallen behind already on school with being sick every day for weeks. I'm hoping the antibiotics work quickly and that they're the solution (because I secretly feel like doctors just throw darts at a board). Oh, I guess that brings me to my first point."If they can put a man on the moon, why can't they _______" Diagnose medical issues with accuracy?When I was a kid, I felt like when I went to the doctor I'd get a diagnosis then go home with meds and feel better within a few days. Now when I go to a doctor, it feels like they're doing some kind of in-depth financial forecasting with intense scenario and situational analysis. I go in like, "Hey, so, here are my symptoms." And they're like, "Uhhhh... well, let's see. Hmm... It could be A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H..." Is this a fucking multiple choice test? At this point, why can't I just step into a machine for 10 seconds that spits out a diagnosis and move on with my life? I swear, it doesn't matter what the illness is, my doctors never get it right on the first try. They just toss me some pills and tell me to come back next week when I'm inevitably still sick. And then we do it again with different pills. It's not just physical health issues either, it's mental health issues too. My therapists are hangin' out on their computers typing my symptoms into google like, "Uhhh, oh it says here you might have obsessive compulsive disorder..." Bitch, I could've done that shit on my own instead of paying you $150 an hour. I feel like no one can help me as an adult. Like everything is just "hmmm, yeah, I dunno." And I don't know when or how it became like that, but it makes me anxious af like every day. So yeah, that's all I got for today. God and Satan, they gamble when you're dead Beams of light, one's sprite The other's bourbon instead |
Artist: Built to Spill Song: Car [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt from Prosperous Snow celebrating  via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : It's said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Describe something that you think is beautiful or attractive that someone else might consider unattractive or ugly. This is the sweetest prompt. There are a few things I find beauty in that I'm not sure are the most classically "beautiful" things, though I'm sure I'm not alone in seeing the beauty. If life has taught me anything, it's that I'm not special and the answer to Does anyone else...? is almost unequivocally yes. Broken people. My track record speaks for itself. Not only do I attract broken people, but I'm also attracted to broken people. People often ask me things like, "How do you attract such crazy people?" Honestly, it's because I'm the same way. I try not to romanticize mental illness because I know it's dangerous/unhealthy, but I do find beauty in the whirlwind experiences that I've had with other equally toxic people. There's something about those fringe people that just gets me. People who skirt lines and that sort of thing. The only problem is that there is a thin line between broken people who have bad experiences but are still trying and those who have totally given up on everything and are harmful. Extreme mundanity. Maybe on the opposite side of the spectrum, I have such a high level of respect for extremely mundane people in mundane situations. I love people who just keep their heads down their entire life without making a scene and just take shit as it comes. I think that's why I enjoy reading the journals of completely normal people, like an 1800s Kansas housewife. There are so many things that the most ordinary people keep hidden from the world. When I read about the things people have gone through and they just continue to take care of their kids and maintain the house or whatever mundane shit... there's something so intimate about it. It might be the stoicism that attracts me. So, I basically find beauty in two opposing things - broken people who spiral endlessly and 'boring' normal people who take everything on the chin. Nothing in between, obviously. Abandoned places. Broken people, broken things. I'm in love with abandoned buildings, ghost towns, etc. In fact, I look at pictures of abandoned places all the time. Maybe it's the writer in me? There's so much unspoken history. It's interesting and beautiful.I know I'm not the only one who thinks abandoned things are beautiful because Cinn  is probably even more into the concept than I am. I wanna see it When you find out what comets, stars, and moons are all about |
Artist: Sufjan Stevens Song: Mystery of Love [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt from Charlie ~ via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : List some of your favorite books/movies and explain why you like them. After posting your entry, go comment on other bloggers' entries with suggestions based on their favorites. Oh, wow. I really went and done us dirty with this one, didn't I? I think my motive in writing this prompt was to get us talking to each other.  So, let's see if we can give each other something new to read or watch.If anyone has recommendations for these, let me know! Books I like super specific book genres. But the most important thing is that I hate long books. I know, I know. Don't say it. I just don't like super long books. I have such little time to read that if a book is over 300 or 400 pages, it's honestly just not happening right now. That doesn't mean I don't ever read long books, it's just means I don't read long books right now. Suspense/Psychological Thrillers I love suspenseful books, especially ones with twists. I liked: The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins. An alcoholic commuter witnesses something very out of the ordinary on her daily route and winds up in the middle of an investigation. A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay. A normal family comes under attack when their teenage daughter begins displaying signs of mental illness. But is it mental illness or a demonic possession as their priest suggests? This entire book is a descent into madness and so unsettling.Realistic fiction with dark undertones. I'm a super fan of plots that could theoretically happen and characters who could be your next-door-neighbor. Oh, but also really dark. I liked: We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. A mother attempts to come to terms with a horrific rampage that her son committed. I love the debates about parenthood and a mother's love that are the overarching themes of this book. The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides. A group of boys watch a family of five sisters disintegrate over the course of a year. At its root, this book is about nostalgia, memories, repression, religion, and coming-of-age.I also enjoy... LGBT+ themes are always a bonus. I love well-crafted settings and character building in books like Call Me by Your Name by André Aciman. Same with The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. Really good memoirs from people who actually have something interesting to say. Speak, Memory by Vladimir Nabokov is one of my absolute favorites. He led such an interesting life and wrote about it so eloquently. I won't do movies too because I like the same style of movies as I do books. In fact, I Call Me by Your Name, We Need to Talk About Kevin, The Virgin Suicides, and The Girl on the Train all became really great movies. How much sorrow can I take? Blackbird on my shoulder And what difference does it make When this love is over? |
Artist: Neutral Milk Hotel Song: The King of Carrot Flowers pt. 1 [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt from WakeUpAndLive~gummy worms BOO  via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Have you ever taken writing classes or writing workshops? Here or anywhere else? What are your thoughts on taking them? I'm really loving the member-selected prompts. It's just cool to see what people are interested in reading from each other. I actually had to go back and search my portfolio because I've been around for a few years now and I couldn't remember if I'd done any workshops here. So sad, but I don't remember doing these at all. There apparently was an "The Rockin' Reviewers" workshop at some point because I have this private forum in my portfolio: "Invalid Item" from May of 2015. There are 4 posts in it. Two from me and two from Cinn in a thread entitled "Mmmmm" where we're just debating what rating I should put on the forum.That's literally the entire item.  I'm going to assume I flaked out of doing whatever I was supposed to do. Before that there was "Invalid Item" . I didn't even know I had a book item for this workshop - with only 2 entries at that.  Definitely need to re-use that item sometime.Yup, I flaked out there too apparently. A year before both of those workshops, there was a poetry workshop. "From The Ground Up Work" Cookie if you can guess what I did. If you guessed that I flaked out after the first assignment, here you go...  Clearly, I don't have a knack for following through on writing workshops. I think it's so difficult for me to branch out and do new things. I'm terrible at following rules because my brain wants to do what it wants to do, always. I remember with one of the workshops, I just couldn't get into the idea of following a super strict writing criteria. I didn't like what I wrote when I did that, so I just quit. I can really only write on my terms in the formatting and style that I want to write in, and that's a total shame. Maybe if I'd followed through with some of my writing workshops, I'd be able to creatively write more frequently than I do now. Outside of WDC, I've taken a couple college-level English and technical writing courses. I had to follow through with those because I had money invested. Quite frankly, I disliked the classes though. They were stale and the writing lacked all personality. I mean, it was technical writing after all. I would like to give a writing workshop another go around here. I just tend to work a lot better with loose prompts and assignments. I think a writing workshop could be useful at this point just to get myself to write something creative. If anyone sees one around, send it my way. In the meantime, I'll just hang out with my blogging people. Off-topic, but while digging through my port, I also found this social item that ~Minja~  made for my birthday in 2015 and I think it's the cutest thing ever: "Invalid Item"  When you were young, you were the king of carrot flowers And how you built a tower tumbling through the trees In holy rattlesnakes that fell all around your feet |
Artist: The National Song: I Should Live in Salt [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt from tah20 via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Write about someone who truly moves/touches/inspires you. Do you know them personally, or admire them from afar? What do they do that makes them special? This is a difficult one for me. It's a good prompt. It's just that I have a difficult time genuinely admiring people. I can easily appreciate or respect aspects of someone's personality or skill set, but "admire" feels like a strong word. I feel like everyone has good and bad in them. You know, good people do bad things and bad people do good things all the time. I try to not be a jaded person, but I definitely find myself questioning others. Like, you're doing a good thing, but are you really just a bad person who's doing something good in between doing bad shit? Go look up your favorite artist, writer, actor, musician, whatever... How are we supposed to say that we admire someone or that someone is special when they're a terrible person? It's so hard to find someone who creates moving, touching things that isn't a complete tool at the very least. Let me just attack my own favorites for funsies. I love a lot of the classic rock musicians. I think they created such amazing, timeless music. But at the same time, lots of them were sleeping with 13-15 year olds when they were full grown adults. And I'm being nice by saying "sleeping with" instead of calling it what we all know it is.I don't care what year it is. It's fucking weird to want to hook up with a 14 year old when you're almost 30. You don't have to look very far to see the true nature of humans. I think looking at people who have money or hold some kind of power tells us everything we need to know. It's true that you have to separate the art from the artist, but that doesn't mean that it makes it easy to admire these people. The best I can say is that I like so-and-so's music or books or movies. I don't admire them as humans. And I don't admire anyone else either because I know how people are when they get money and power. So when I see someone who's a "good" person, in reality, I'm just thinking they're someone who hasn't had the opportunity to exercise power over others yet. But, ya know, if they could. . . Yes, I hear myself being negative af. It's honestly just how I feel though. Even people I know in real life aren't all good or all bad. They're hopefully more good than bad, but ya know, not always. I have people in my life who have a fair amount of money/power and they treat me like an actual trash can. Because they're not that good of people. And I allow them to do that because I'm not that good of a person either. The short answer (which is what I should have written in the first place, but it's too late now), is that there are a few people who truly move me: People who still put a smile on and move forward when all their shit is flipped upside down. I admire their ability to do that, because I'm not that strong. When someone is going through hell and you can't even tell? That's inspiring. People who do good shit without broadcasting it to anyone. Like, it's super cool that you helped out someone in need, but the fact that you took 15 pictures for social media and accidentally told me about it twice in a 72 hour period takes away from it slightly. You could've just done something good because it's the right thing to do. People who overcome a lot of shit to be basic, productive members of society. Yeah, they're gonna do bad shit too, but if someone can for the most part take care of themselves, pay their taxes, stay out of prison, and not be a danger to society after going through extreme adversity, I'm definitely moved by that and I respect it.I should leave it alone, but you're not right. |
Artist: Led Zeppelin Song: Tangerine [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt from LdyPhrankenstein  via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : What are some of the weirdest facts you've ever learned? Wow us with your bizarre knowledge! Prompt via "JAFBG" : Write about a fact of life that many people seem to have trouble grasping. I'm going to get a little creative with this one because I recently wrote a huge list of weird facts and I think I might be tapped out! Luckily, there's a "fact" prompt for "JAFBG" too and I'm more than in the mood to rant. I'll just combine the two prompts. See, things work out usually.  Check out "Invalid Entry" for my list of weird facts from May. I wish I could go back to July.  June was such a difficult month, I was determined to make July better. And I did. I don't know what's happened recently. Going back to school and being sick has just weighed on me endlessly. I know that I should be looking for post-grad jobs, but I have this horrible lingering cough and we still pretty much have no official answers as to why. More than that though, my anxiety has been absolutely h o r r e n d o u s for the past few weeks. I'm barely sleeping. When I do sleep, I have nightmares and jolt awake in a total panic. I can't even tell if I'm awake or asleep at night. It's like having fever dreams minus the fever. I feel like I'm hallucinating at night. I have clear memories of things happening while fully conscious, but that's disproven by the fact that they, ya know, didn't happen. I must be asleep, but it doesn't feel that way at all. It actually feels like I'm losing my grip on reality. The liberal amount of benzos I'm taking to keep my anxiety at bay probably isn't helping, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to cope or stave it off for good. But, quick, before my meds kick in... Let me try to write something from the prompts. Here are some facts of life that I have trouble grasping (and maybe other people do too): Playing by the rules doesn't always work. Life is weird in that society tells you what you're supposed to do, so when you do that thing, you expect results. The truth is that you don't stand out when you play by the rules. There are millions of people just like you playing by the exact same rules. You're all doing the same shit. You have to step outside of the box to actually get recognition, so dotting your t's and crossing your i's in the rulebook of life is basically pointless, in my opinion. The hardest working people often don't reap the rewards of their work. The ones who often do reap the benefits are the people who are willing to do things that you wouldn’t ethically or morally do. A lot of people are just ignorant, not malicious. This is personally super difficult for me to accept because I just can't imagine some of the things people do regularly being the result of anything but malicious intent. Alas, a lot of people genuinely just lack the self-awareness and general knowledge to do what you'd expect them to do. I think it's so natural to be like, "Man, that person is a total asshole." And the person you're talking about is totally oblivious to the fact that you feel that way because that's just how oblivious they are. About everything. Always. Organized childhood abuse is absurdly common and nearly inevitable.Think of any organization that involves a lot of children with adults overseeing them. I can almost guarantee there is a major abuse issue that has either already been leaked, is being actively covered up, or will be leaked at some point. We already know about the Catholic church . We know about the Boy Scouts . We know about the Olympics . We know about Hollywood .These things aren’t even really hidden. The abusers are protected by the organizations while the victims are silenced and rarely ever even get validation that what happened to them was wrong. It isn’t a matter of if an organization that deals with a lot of children is a breeding ground for sexual abuse, it’s whether you'll actually hear about it and when. Problems are mostly temporary.AKA “This too shall pass.” Whenever I’m feeling super down, I always remind myself of times I’ve felt worse. Then I think about how I’ve felt better between then and now. There have been so many things and people that I thought mattered. Countless problems that I’ve just completely left in the past without a second thought. The things that are bothering me now will likely lift at some point, just like the things in the past that bothered me have often lifted over time. Measuring a summer's day, I only finds it slips away to grey |
Artist: Patient 113 Song: Awake to You [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt from Waltz in the Lonesome October  via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : What is your favorite storytelling medium, and why? Face-to-face? Movies? Novels? Audiobooks, audioplays? Stage productions? Comics? TV shows? Tweetstorms? Concept albums? Something else? Thanks for the prompt, Robert! Interesting question. I'm trying to think if this is my favorite storytelling method to tell people stories or to hear stories. Let's take these one at a time... Face-to-face. I'm absolutely terrible at talking face-to-face. I'm bad on the spot. The dumbest shit comes into my head first and I'm always having to bite my tongue. My general rule of thumb is to not go with the first or second thought I have. The third one is pretty safe. That being said, I do enjoy listening to a really good storyteller. Some people really have a knack for it.Movies. This is probably my real answer to the prompt. Movies are just so good for getting a story in 2 hours or less. They're perfect for when you're super busy but you want to take a timeout and relax for a little bit. I've seen so many movies, it's utterly absurd. When they're done well, they're my favorite form of storytelling for sure. Novels. I love reading, but it's so time-consuming. I have so many books on my to-read shelf. A good book will take you to another world and I think that's why so many people love them. The problem is that if you don't have very much time, a book has to be really good to warrant 5-10 hours of your time to read it. That's been my experience anyway. When I'm really busy, if a book is a slog at all, it becomes a "did not finish" book super quickly. Audiobooks. If I could actually pay attention to an audiobook, I'm sure I would love them. Unfortunately, my experience has been more like, Wait, what did they say? Oh shit, I haven't been paying attention for like 10 minutes. Where's the rewind button? Uh, what's the last thing I remember hearing? I just can't follow along. Stage productions. So much work goes into stage productions and I respect the art of it a lot. I don't have much experience with watching stage productions though, so they must not be my favorite. Comics. I adore some graphic novels. There's just something about the art and minimal lines that make it such an interesting medium for storytelling. One of my favorites ever is called Blankets . It's just a heartbreaking and beautiful story. Here's my product review of it: "Blankets" , a product review by Charlie ~ TV shows. It seems like TV shows really took off again with shows like Breaking Bad. That's the first show I think of when I think about the mass popularity of current TV shows. I think it launched a lot of series because producers and writers saw that there was a major market for television shows. When done well, I really like TV shows. I think there's a lot of wasted time in many TV series though, so they fall lower on my storytelling list. Tweetstorms. I've missed literally every tweetstorm ever. Concept albums. Easily one of the coolest storytelling methods. There's just so much creativity that goes into making a concept album because you're telling a full story through music. Pink Floyd's The Wall is pretty great. I also like Coheed and Cambria's graphic novels and concept albums. So much creativity. |
Artist: Troye Sivan Song: Wild [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt from Elle via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : What do you think makes a good leader? Share an example of a good leader from your life (or alternatively, a poor leader who taught you what not to do). Business school requires me to love this prompt. It's in my contract. I've learned all about business strategies, leadership styles, and team dynamics. One thing I’m certain of is that I am not a good leader. I’m not even a good team player. I’m too neurotic and finicky and emotional. I either go at something’ 100% or I don’t give a single fuck about it, and both are bad for leadership and team management. With the first, you’re too much of a control freak to delegate duties and share the workload. It requires trust that the people you’re leading are gonna go balls to the wall too, and I just can’t put that responsibility in someone else’s hands if I really care about what I’m doing. And, of course, if I don’t give a fuck about it that means I’m not even interested in talking about it or trying to work on it. Even here on WDC, I’m a shitty group leader. I get easily overwhelmed and my moods are just finicky af. I’ll start working on stuff for my group and then I just totally lose the will to do anything. I do the same with group projects at school. It’s either me doing nearly 100% of the work, or me totally mentally checked out. Like I’ll do the bare minimum requirement for my part, and I’ll do it well, but I don’t care about the final result or what anyone else is doing. That being said, I do have some good examples of leaders, both here on the site and in real life. I think some of our group leaders here are really good at what they do. I also think some of my professors are great at leading while teaching. Here are some notable traits of good leaders, in my opinion: They’re decisive. They don’t go back and forth on what they want to do. They make a decision and they stick with it, regardless of vocal minorities who dislike the decisions. This is something I’m personally terrible at. I hear a couple negative thoughts and I immediately want to change everything because it’s “totally not working.” When in reality, it’s like 2 people who disagree and are just loud about it. They work too. The worst leaders are the ones who want to tell everyone else what to do while they just sit around doing nothing. There’s a difference between delegating and demanding. Leaders should work alongside the people they’re leading. In fact, they should be the hardest working of them all. They motivate and inspire. I think a good leader encourages you to have intrinsic motivation for the things you do. There is of course a common goal and rewards or payment along the way, but a really good leader can inspire people to move on their own for personal reasons. Whether it’s because they want the self-growth that knowledge provides or they want to explore new sides of their writing, people need longevity in their reasons for doing things. Leaders don’t rely solely on external rewards as a tool of motivation. They’re empathetic. Using fear to rule over people with an iron fist is a trademark of bad leaders. They don’t know how to connect with other humans on a personal level, but have found out that if they act like a total dick things will usually get done correctly. The best leaders I know are compassionate, empathetic people. You don’t have to worry about how they’re going to react when you have bad news for them. When you have a personal issue going on in life, they understand and want you to take care of yourself. This creates a loyal, productive follower. They have humility. Have you ever been led by someone who blames you when their ideas don’t pan out? For example, they want to try out a new, creative idea and you follow their lead. Then when it totally bombs it’s your fault because you didn’t implement it correctly/didn’t anticipate potential problems/didn’t fully understand their vision/didn’t tell them it was a bad idea? I think good leaders are willing to admit their faults and move on in a positive way. I don't think I'll ever be a good leader because it's just not my personality type. I'm way too self-focused, and that's me being nice to myself instead of saying self-centered. It takes all types though. I wish more people realized that they're not leaders. I feel like society puts such an emphasis on being a leader. We can't all be running around leading shit. White noise in my mind Won’t calm down You’re all I think about |
Artist: Nirvana Song: On a Plain [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Reflect on WDC’s 19th Birthday week! I don’t know any other online community that celebrates like we do  What was your favorite activity to participate in? What is the favorite thing you wrote? What is the favorite thing you read? Did you win anything? I'm already being a little flakey this month because my anxiety and stress levels are stupid high. I'm trying to take everything I have to do and just do one thing at a time, but still take time out to do things that relax me like writing and reading (especially read my fellow bloggers). I've been sick for a couple weeks now and I'm back in school, so everything just feels insurmountable even though this is my last semester of school and I've totally got shit under control. It's probably more the transition from full-time school to starting my career that is worrying me. I'm kind of frozen even on applying places because I'm nervous about interviewing and then actually working.  Remote job, please. Anyway, I didn't answer yesterday's prompt because I really, really didn't want to think about illness and death after being at school all day. I am happy that they memorialize people's ports here after they pass, but I don't want to think about anything bad happening to myself or anyone else here. So, yeah, I didn't make full use of birthday week, needless to say. I wish birthday week was the first week of August instead. Birthday week is always during my first or second week back to school! I tried to do what I could, but I pretty much just wrote a few lackluster blog entries. I won't be winning anything any time soon. Oh, but I did get some shiny gifts from some of my WDC friends! I adore my new awardicon on this blog courtesy of Warped Sanity !  I've also been changing my WDC skin, like, almost every day. I'm rocking the "Multi Marble" one from Day 4 right now. It's super bomb. My favorite thing was learning about WDC conventions: "Invalid Entry" It seems like I would have heard about them at some point in the last 5 years, but, nope! That was a cool dip into the past. I guess I don't pay attention to how long some of the people have been around here.I bet there's a whole history to the site that I know nothing about. If anyone ever wants to give me a WDC history lesson, I'm all up for it! Going forward, I'm excited to dig into some of the prompts submitted by site members! I've seen some of the prompts where we're supposed to come up with our own prompts and I know there are some really good ones in there. Can't wait to dig in. I'll definitely try to comment on more blogs too. Somewhere I have heard this before In a dream my memory has stored |
Artist: Brand New Song: Degausser [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : ...there are 22 item types available for members to create... full list here: Item Types and Their Uses .Is there any item type available to you that you've never created? Any that you've never read? Any tool or feature on WDC that you haven't tried? Why not? What are the benefits of having these extra features available on a site dedicated to writing? Plus, "JAFBG" prompt: What mild inconvenience drives you fucking nuts? Yeaaah, I'm combining both of those prompts today. I know, I'm just a bundle of joy even during birthday week. Sorry, but also not really. I've had a really weird day in general for some reason. Do you ever have a day where you feel like everything you say is the wrong thing? Like, you have 20 interactions and you manage to fuck all of them up? I'm never sure if that's related to my borderline personality disorder or if other people do that too. Like, I'm pretty sure I didn't specifically do anything wrong, but I also didn't do anything right. I can tell that the things I said or did in various interactions were not the things I was supposed to do or say. It's this feeling like every relationship I have is worse off for me having interacted today. Does that make any sense at all? Sometimes at the end of the day, I'm like... yeah, bro, you shouldn't have talked at all today. It's a mild inconvenience, but it drives me fucking nuts. I think a lot of it is rooted in having a lack of self-esteem. When I'm not particularly well-received in a conversation, I leave it full of self-doubt and start wishing I'd either not said anything or had quickly conformed to the other person's opinion. I find myself doing that all the time too. Like, I have an opinion. Person A states their opposing opinion. And I'm like, "Yeah, dude, totally." I don't have the identity to think, oh, I'm actually a different individual than you, so I feel a different way than you. The funniest part is that I walk away from a lot of conversations kicking myself like, I totally didn't want to go along with that, so I should have said something even if it was nonconforming. But then when I do actually speak up for something that I think matters, I end up somehow feeling even worse. I'm just legit the most dismissible person ever. Like... Me: Hey, here's this thing I feel. Other person: No. Me: Oh, never mind.  All. The. Time.Anyway, what the fuck am I supposed to be writing about? OH, right.  If you came to read about which items I've written, you can start here. Well, I don't have a premium account, so I don't have any of the "P" items like photo albums, shops, web pages, etc. I don't have any campfires, interactives, in-and-outs, or mad libs either. Buuuut, I'm pretty sure I have at least one of everything else. I've created word searches and crosswords for various challenges over the years. I've also got a group and I've used surveys/polls for things related to the group. It's nice to have some other options on the site. I try to utilize them sometimes in my group for the challenges. You know, "make a mental health related word search" or whatever. I dunno if people actually do word searches or crossword puzzles on WDC often, but they're just nice side perks in case you ever felt like doing that. I've never read interactives on the site. They seem heavily fetish-leaning, and I'm not one to kink shame, but the fetishes I see in interactives here certainly don't align with my own. I had no idea how huge this underground interactive fetish thing was until I was doing something related to Game of Thrones and I was like, holy shit, there are a lot of fetish interactives going on. I do like the idea of interactives though. It's cool that people can write together and have a sort of "choose your own adventure" thing going on. And if it gets people off, bonus, I guess. (I specifically said that so I could reference 'getting off' 3 entries in a row. You're welcome.) Hey, what's the difference between an Interactive and a Campfire Creative? Just choose the next chapter vs. no choice of next chapter? But I'll bet that you're running I've been sleeping in the alkaline I can't shake this little feeling I'll never get anything right |
Artist: The Beatles Song: Happiness is a Warm Gun [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Did you know that WDC keeps track of everyone who views your items? To have a look at your blog’s statistics, open your blog, click the gear icon in the top right, and then click “Statistics.” You can do this for your blog or any other item in your portfolio!In your blog entry today, share anything interesting you found while exploring your blog’s statistics. What is the profile of your average reader? Do you consider your readership when composing a blog entry? Everyone has an “ideal reader,” as Stephen King says. Who is your ideal reader? I'm really loving the birthday week prompts. Blog stats? I love this kind of data. So, these stats are from the last 30 days. I realized that after I tried to look at the stats from one of my old blogs. This blog is relatively new because I've only used it since the end of January. Anyway, here are some notable stats since August 3rd: 36 unique WDC members have visitedThat sounds about right to me.  98 total WDC viewsThis must be views of your base blog, not entry views. My average entry gets around 25 views on the low end and around 100 on the high end. I'd say average is around 40-50. Average unique member fits the profile of a Married Female, age 40-49, with Some College education. Their income level is Less than $20,000.Very interesting. Let's break that down a little more... 77.8% female; 8% maleThis is interesting because I think WDC tends to lean female to begin with, right? I wonder what percentage of the site is female vs. male? Do we have those stats? 36.1% are 40-49 years old; 22.2% are 25-39 years old; 16.7% are 50-59 years oldInteresting stats there. I don't know the average age of people on the site, so I'll be interested in seeing what other people's stats are on that (if they post them). 44.4% are married; 30.6% are singleThe rest are involved/widowed/divorced, etc. This is actually a more even split than I though it would be. For some reason I figured a higher majority would be married, but then I started thinking about it and I don't really know that many people's relationship statuses unless they talk about it in their blog a lot. 36.1% have some college; 33.3% have a college degreeAnd then grad school, some grad school, and high school. Interesting to see that a lot of people have at least some level of higher education. I know right now when people are looking at the stats on their blog, I'm one of the "some college" people. Looking forward to moving into the "college degree" category in December!  31.6% make less than $20,000; 15.8% make $100,000-149,999Can we take a minute to recognize the disparity there? I mean WOW. This is the one stat that actual surprised me. That the most common reader makes less than $20K a year and then the next highest common reader makes 6 figures. That's just so interesting to me. 38.9% describe themselves as Avid Writers; 27.8% describe themselves as Casual WritersI'm actually not even sure which category I put for myself, to be honest. I think I described myself as a casual writer. If not, I should go in and change that because I am far from an avid writer at this point. My ideal reader is... someone who can laugh about me saying that I'm having nocturnal panic attacks because there's a ghost jerking off on my chest every night. More seriously, this is a personal blog. I'm not getting paid for it. This isn't something specific like a baking blog where I need to think about what kind of recipes my readers might like, so, I don't. It doesn't cross my mind to think about what the reader might want me to say. That's a good thing. It means that my thoughts here are 100% genuine through all the ups and downs I have in life. From my successes to my setbacks, the reader can be a part of my life if they choose to. That being said, I do certain things to make it easier for my audience to digest my blog. For example: Bullet point lists, like this one and the one above when I'm making multiple points. I want reading my blog to be a breeze, not a wall of text that's difficult to get through. Changing the font to emphasize certain ideas or thoughts. Plenty of spacing so it's easier on the eyes. Linespace is always 1.5 and paragraph breaks are in full use.My content is not written for you, but the formatting certainly is. And my ideal reader? Anyone who can accept me for who I am is my ideal reader.   I need a fix because I'm going down |
Artist: Taking Back Sunday Song: A Decade Under the Influence [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : 1.) Go to the Community Newsfeed and comment on the post of a member you do not know. 2.) Go to the Blog Board and comment on a blog you haven't read before. 3.) Return to your own blog and share what you learned. In addition, answer this question: How would a life where you regularly stepped outside your comfort zone be different than a life where you never did? 1. "Note: This is my first time joining here and it's su..."  2. "Invalid Entry" by {suser_id:}3. I learned that it's very difficult for me to find a person on WDC that I've not already talked to or whose blog I've not already read. One of the things I do sometimes is go to the blog board and read the latest blog entries from whoever. There are so many great blogs on the site that don't get a lot of love because the writers don't tend to be a part of blogging groups. I think sometimes bloggers think that if they're part of a blogging group, the prompts are going to stifle the things they want to write about. What they don't know is that you can go totally off-topic for a minute, like this: I've been having nocturnal panic attacks and these things are a biiiitch. If I'm awake, I can usually calm my anxiety down before it turns into a full-blown panic attack, but that shit doesn't work if I'm unconscious when they start. This is what happens. I'll be doing this thing where I'm sleeping. This is allegedly supposed to occur for 6-8 hours straight. Yeah, that's not happening. Instead, I sleep for, like, 2 hours max. And then I jerk awake with my heart racing, cold sweats, hyperventilating, shaking, dizziness, etc. Ya know, like a panic attack. It's annoying af. It happens every night between like 2:30 and 3:30 in the morning. If I didn't know better, I'd say I'm in a fucking horror movie and there's a ghost jerking off on my chest at the same time every night or something. And then just segue back into the prompt, like: I think stepping out of your comfort zone is good, but I think it looks different for every person. Some people might have a lot of anxiety, so them stepping out of their comfort zone will look a lot different than someone without anxiety stepping out of their comfort zone. For some people, commenting on someone's blog who you've never read is asking a lot. A lot of people's blogs are super personal so, without knowing them, it kind of feels like you're reading and commenting on their diary. On the other hand, I have no problem doing it. I've done it as a non-prompt activity many times because I think it's a great way to meet new people and also let bloggers know that their writing is getting read regardless of their status in the site blogging circles. I say, step out of your comfort zone when you can. Sometimes you can only step out an inch, sometimes you can step out a mile. You only get experiences and stories to tell when you do push your limits, in my opinion. If I do the same shit every day without variance, what do I really have to say or write about? I know I wouldn't have much to blog about or write about if I didn't leap over my boundaries frequently. I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you |
Artist: Pink Floyd Song: Echoes [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : As you may or may not be aware, in the early days of Writing.Com, SM and SMs hosted in-person Conventions for members! From everything I’ve heard from the site’s veteran members, these get-togethers were beyond memorable and so inspirational. Take a trip to the past by reading this item advertising the 2006 WDC Convention: "Writing.Com Convention 2006" . Then, share your thoughts on what a Convention hosted today might look like. Where would it be hosted? How many members could attend? What activities would take place? Who would you want to meet in person? Have fun! WDC Convention? I've honestly never heard of this in my 5 years on the site.  But what really caught my attention on that page was...WDC Scholarship Fund For those who didn't know or didn't click on the link, it's a scholarship to help someone in financial need attend the convention, NOT a school scholarship as my academic brain immediately thought. I think this is a really cute idea. I don't know how many people would attend these days, but I imagine a lot of people in the general area of wherever it's hosted might stop by for the convention at least. Somewhere central seems like an obvious choice, but because we have people all over the world, that's hard to do. Plus, even if you're talking about central to US WDCers, it's still just as complicated. The center of the continental US is in Kansas and that's a pretty far drive for, well, most people. Personally, I can't do itineraries. They make me anxious just seeing them. I understand the purpose and necessity of them, but I personally have difficulty attending things that require an itinerary. I'm guaranteed to be late to every part of it and confused about what I'm supposed to be doing at any given time. Any trips I take are very casual and not time sensitive in any way. It works best with my personality. Okay, so we have a WDC Convention in Lebanon, KS because that's the center of the US. Who attends? Almost everyone is going to need to either fly in or drive some distance. I guess that rules out everyone who doesn't have the money for roundtrip plane tickets or gasoline or a hotel. It also rules out everyone who doesn't have vacation time from work or school. I'm seeing why this tradition didn't last. I can't even imagine how much work went into planning these conventions. I can also see why they happened when the site was smaller and probably even more tight-knit than it is now. I feel like people might feel left out if there were to be a WDC convention now and most people couldn't go to it. I don't know why I have that feeling because I wouldn't personally feel that way. It's just something that came to mind.Activities? Hmm, drinking for sure. I'd exist in that Midnight - territory if I were to attend one of these things. No one would see me in daylight.  Other than that, it looks like they had lots of fun activities then. I can't imagine what could be done now. Raffles and auctions seem pretty popular here these days so maybe a real-life version of those? OH, I know! A merit badge costume contest. Dress like you're favorite merit badge and vote on the best costume. I know that shit would be going down. I'd like to meet everyone in person. I think it would be a lot of fun to see a different side to people than we see here in the site. At the same time though, I do like the separation of my online friends and real life friends. And I don't think my real life and online life would be a good fit. I'm much quieter and more moody in real life because I don't have that opportunity to just walk away from an email or message without responding for a few hours. In real life, everything is instantaneous so I'm probably less pleasant. If I respond to something online, you know it's because I have time and want to do that. Definitely don't get the same options in real life! I learned my lesson yesterday with naming specific people because that's just a never-ending list. So, yeah, I choose everyone. And through the window in the wall Come streaming in on sunlight wings A million bright ambassadors of morning |
Artist: Aurora Song: Under Stars [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Celebrate 19 years of Writing.Com by writing a thank you letter to someone on WDC or a thank you letter to the website itself. Then, visit "Writing.Com Party Central 2025!" Happy 19th birthday week to WDC!  I don't know how much I'll be around this month, but I can't miss out on some group blogging.I've been fairly MIA as is because I've randomly gotten sick. I've apparently had a viral infection and through testing found out that my hemoglobin is very low and that I have wheezing in my lungs likely caused by asthma. It started with my heart racing while trying to do simple things like walking up stairs. I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. Then it progressed to a dry cough, wheezing, shortness of breath, dizziness, chest pain, etc. when I tried to do anything at all. Even walking to the bathroom from my bedroom (less than 10 steps) would leave me doubled over coughing and gasping for air. Just for reference, I can usually run up and down my several flights of apartment stairs (especially when I forget something as I'm leaving) without being out of breath to any degree. Anyway, I'm on a treatment plan now for all of these things and hopefully will be on the mend sooner rather than later. Right now I'm just beyond exhausted and drained of all energy. I can't remember the last time I had such malaise. I just feel awful in so many different ways at once. I also know absolutely nothing about asthma because I never had it as a child and honestly didn't even know I could randomly get it. I have to go back to the doctor next week to discuss more testing and a long-term treatment plan. It was just very sudden and confusing. Okay, okay. I'll move on. First of all, thanks for linking all the birthday activities in the prompt, Em. I was looking for that earlier. I couldn't find it because it was still private, apparently!  My WDC thank-you list would honestly be so long... I don't even know. I found the site straight out of rehab where I had started writing again. If Beth was still here, I would thank her for starting Soundtrackers because if it weren't for getting into blogging, I wouldn't have stayed on the site. Other than that though... FivetricksterTreats  , for sure. He was one of the first people who actually read and started commenting on my blog when I was like a 2-week old WDC newbie.I always think of people like ♥OctOGre tHiNg♥  , 🌑 Darleen - QoD , and Whispering Ghost of C.St.Ann  when a topic like this comes up. They've just always been super kind to me here and, like, quick to reach out if something's going on with me. Cinn is kind of like my writing partner-in-crime, of course. I'm just super comfortable with her in every aspect so I can show her a piece of writing that's super shitty and know that she'll "get" what I was going for and try to help me out.There are also people I talk to a lot off-site. ~Minja~ is someone I met here who I check in with almost every day. If I don't hear from Min and she doesn't hear from me, usually something is off. Then there are the people who just very consistently make the site a better place to be like Elle and A Warped Witch I Be  . They're always keeping up with hosting their activities and they're a major asset to WDC.Plus, this is a writing site so you have some amazing writers. I think A.T.B: It'sWhatWeDo and Osirantinous  are the best fiction writers for my taste that I've read on the site. When I'm reading something of theirs, it feels like I'm reading a published story.But now I've gotten myself into a bit of a pickle, haven't I? Because it's not the individual people who make WDC great (although they do), it's the general atmosphere of the site. It's the overall friendliness that is expected from all the members on the site. I can't thank everyone who I've had a good experience with in the past 5.5 years because I've had a good experience with almost every member I've interacted with here. I have the "Invalid Item" crew who give the site so much depth and have such interesting stories to tell. Then there's the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" crew who I love blogging with because we end up having so much in common but somehow take totally different approaches to the same prompts.There are the people who answer questions and greet people in the Technical Support and Noticing Newbies forum. They definitely make the site a better place and deserve a big thanks. The people who review frequently and, especially the ones who do in-depth reviews, are so highly valuable to the site. I'm not knocking anyone's reviewing style here. Just saying that in-depth reviews take A LOT more time than reviews that are just a few general sentences. The people who can knock out several in-depth reviews a month on the site are so important to getting people to actually post their writing and stick around (especially new members). Oh, and I can't forget the people who read my blog when they don't have to. They're like liquid gold to me. Just like, "Oh, hey, Charlie said some stupid bullshit, I should go check that out with no benefit to myself!" (Don't worry. I haven't blogged in 3 weeks so you didn't miss anything. )So, yeah, I know I'm rambling. It's the illness. But the bottom line is that there are so many things that keep us around WDC for a prolonged period of time. The people who create activities & the people who participate in activities are equally important. The site has so much to offer whether you're 'create an activity' type or the 'participatory' type. Both are so necessary and I appreciate both so much. Actually, I take that back. I think the people who participate become more important at some point because you need more participants than you do activities, right? The point is, SMs & SM have created a really nice home away from home here. I think there are always things that could improve. Everyone should collectively always be striving to improve and be greater, but I haven't found another place on the internet where people are so generally polite and well-wishing. I've explored other writing websites before and it's wild how overtly catty, noninclusive, and unwelcoming they are. As a newbie here, I could talk to someone who'd been here for 14 years and not even realize it until I saw their port. On other sites, people act like, I've been here for SIX years, how dare you speak to me, peasant? They might not have said that exactly, but it was pretty close. Bye-bye. I'll stay on WDC where people generally don't think they're god's gift to the earth. As far as fun activities going on this month for WDC's birthday... there are a lot! I don't know how much time I'll have to actually participate in them, but, see! That's why you need both activity hosts AND activity participants. This activity looks fun...
If you're good at rearranging lyrics, you'll probably be really good at this one! Rest in peace and give yourself to harmony |
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