%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 06:14 One person is currently reading my mermaid story (I hope) but since I gave it to her, I've changed some stuff. I've changed a couple of names and deleted the enormous back story of one of those characters because it had absolutely nothing to do with the plot and wasn't important in any way. Well, it was important to the character, but not relevant for the story I was trying to tell. So, yes, I got rid of it. I feel better about having done so as I feel it's a lot smoother now, but I'm still wondering if the story is good enough. But then I don't really care because I put a lot of effort into it and I will put it on Wattpad. I don't know where I read this piece of advice but not every writer will be famous, but good writers get noticed - or something to that effect. I think I'm a good writer. So even if there are hundreds upon thousands of readers on Wattpad, if I have a good, well-written story, I think I'm bound to get some notice. This kind of confidence is quite selective. I don't feel it in most things but I automatically have this childish assumption that if I take the effort to do something, it will draw positive attention. Hah! I really ought to know better. So I'm trying to keep my expectations to a minimum - this is a platform that I have never used before and, so far, what I've found on it has not been particularly inspiring. Or maybe I haven't looked closely enough. Either way, trying to be...neutrally optimistic? Can that even be a thing? 06:22 |
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