%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 06:25 I had an induction for another counselling placement yesterday. I turned up forty-five minutes late. It turned out it didn't matter - people seemed to be everywhere, it was all chaos and the place wasn't really that big. But yes, I am late. That's a big shame for someone who usually sets off for new places at least two hours early, just in case! I set off from home at about ten, got to the train station at about twenty past, got my ticket, and went to wait. But it turned out the train to Leeds wouldn't be coming for another couple of hours! So they had buses in place and I boarded one and, my God! It took forever to get into Leeds! And then there were no taxis at the taxi rank! I was so upset that I was late!  But I did make it, thank God. And I've to send them a few docs and I'll be sorted for another placement, all being well! Anyway, while I was sitting in that bus, I heard James Blunt's new song. I've never been a particular fan of his - I mean, why so high-pitched? If I tried to sing that high, I'd probably do my throat in! I kid, I kid! But anyway, his pitch aside, the song just immediately caught my attention because it fits so darn well with my mermaid story - although gender-flipped so the mermaid would be the one singing it (and let's be honest, with how high he sings, he could very well pass off as a...maid). I've listened to it several times since lol. Darn you, James Blunt! 06:34 |
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