%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
|
A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 21:40 Sometimes, I feel if I really try, I can do anything. If I want to lose weight, I just need to put in the effort and I know I can do it. If I want to do well on my course, I just need to exert myself a little and I'll get the results that I need. Even with writing, if I put in the effort every day, I can do it. I can be a published author one day. ...so then why am I the way I am? I don't hate the person that I am but I have so many things I want to do but there just never seems to be enough time in the day to get them done. I waste so much time too. So I guess it comes down to motivation. How do I get myself sufficiently motivated to test out that conviction? I was fasting today and after opening it, I wanted to eat every bit of junk food I could find in the house! I had to struggle not to pick up an extra chocolate bar after having my first one! So it's not a matter of having that willpower - it's how you pave the way for that willpower to matter. Are you going to allow yourself a little cheat and say "I need to this" and "I need to do that"? Or, worst case scenario, "I'll begin the new diet tomorrow" and then two months down the line, you're still saying "tomorrow". I think we all have the willpower. It's just a matter of being motivated enough to exercise it. Reminders are necessary. Post them up all over your house if you have to. "I will not fail" and "I am stronger than this" and "Get yo' s**t together before it's too late!" are good ways to remind yourself. In the end, if there's a goal that you've set for yourself, the only one benefiting from its completion is you. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself and love the body God gave you. Look after you. This turned into something else... 21:49 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
)
