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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 07:08 After my entry yesterday, I wrote about 2000 words for my story. I love that feeling! If I did it one day, it makes me try harder the next, because I know I can do it. I think my average in a day should be at 3000 words, but I've set the minimum as 1000, just to make it that much easier to reach my target. Sometimes, even this is not met and those are the days when I feel like a waste of space. I get distracted too easily. Before I got the computer that I'm on right now, I had an old laptop which didn't connect to the internet very well. It was slow and laggy so I didn't used to bother. It was the best! I got the most writing done with that clunky old thing. No distractions, could use it anywhere in the house. It did have the teensy problem of shutting down on me at odd times, often in the middle of writing. You can imagine my reaction at those moments. I don't think I helped the problem much by venting on the poor thing. Well, here's to hoping I have another good day! I had hoped I'd have an hour or so to myself but my son is already up so no time to write more just yet. It's a shame - I think I would have done better at this time of day. 07:18 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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