%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 06:42 I need to wake up a bit later. But I can't! I love waking up early and getting some writing done before my son wakes up. Then I should sleep early. But it seems I also love some time to myself to chill after my son goes to sleep too. I have no discipline! A few entries back, I said if I put my mind to it, I know can do anything. Well, maybe not "anything" but...some things? I feel that it's true, but then I also feel like it's a load of BS. If I had that amount of willpower, I wouldn't be such a mess. But that's because I don't even bother to try. All that aside, I had a good day yesterday. We had a (very) belated Eid get-together at the charity I volunteer at. It's a very goal-oriented organisation, I suppose, so all we seem to hear is "This needs to be done" and "That needs to be done" or "Ok, what are we going to do about this latest report of hate crime etc. etc. etc.?" So it's nice to get together for purely social reasons. Not that we didn't spend an hour listening to people giving speeches and draw up plans moving forward, but it was good. Beyond weekly family meet-ups and the odd one meeting in several months with friends, these meetings at the organisation are all I have to interact with other human beings outside my ethnic group (not that there aren't South Asian people there but...it's different). Still, I'm grateful. I know some people probably don't even have that. Time to do some writing! :D 06:52 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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