%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 09:15 I try to get to sleep on time nowadays, with varying degrees of success. Usually, I get about six and a half hours. My body will adjust...I hope, because it doesn't look like I'll be able to do much better. I've tried, but I can't seem to manage longer. However, when one's close friend is visiting and is spending the night, such frivolities as sleep are quickly thrown out the window. We watched several episodes from different series and then two movies before morning prayers started and I prayed and we went to sleep. She's still asleep but the children are not. They went to sleep bright and early and, as a result, they were up bright and early. My lone child is the noisiest! Running this way and that, thumping across the hallway, making noise here and there. My friend's daughters stayed asleep for a bit longer and her eldest son is still sleeping soundly through all this headache! I envy him!  My son and I are not used to having people with us on a morning so even the slightest noise is enough to wake us. So here I am, after spending about an hour trying to get back to sleep. I'll have to make up the lost sleep somehow, but I'm going to visit my other friend today, to see her newborn baby, so I've no idea when that will happen. Time to do some writing! 09:25 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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