%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 06:28 I'm really getting interested in the mermaid story now. I'm much more invested in it than I was the first time I wrote it. I slogged through it then, only continuing because it was NaNo and I didn't want to lose. As a result, I have been putting off writing my assignments. I have one due in four days! I will try to tackle a bit of it today though. For my counselling class reflection today, I will say that I am not very good at talking to people. I've gotten loads better since I got married but it's always hard, finding something to talk about. My husband's uncle came to visit him yesterday (he got back from Pakistan the day before) and his wife came along too. I was very aware of how awkward I was being by not starting up conversation with her. Eventually, I plucked up the nerve to ask about her pregnancy and when the baby's due, etc. Before that, I was thinking about whether she was in fact still pregnant (I'm kind of blind to these things) and how appropriate it would be to ask about it. I overthink things before I say something. I don't think it's such a bad thing - insofar as I do actually think before I say something (it depends on who I'm talking to, I guess) but mulling things over in one's head without actually engaging with others isn't that good of a quality to possess. 06:42 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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