%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 07:58 I wrote a blog entry last night. This morning, I received an email telling me to update my blog because it's been over a day since I last did so. Why am I so inattentive?  Well, since I haven't anything much better to add 10 hours after writing the missing entry, I'll just repeat what I wrote on there. My kitten is nearly seven months old and I got him towards the beginning-middle of April and...yesterday I gave him away. I realised I'm not really meant to be a pet owner. I can't do with it. It's bad enough I get feelings of frustration having to look after my child and that is a responsibility I can under no circumstances give up. But getting a cat was a bad move. I didn't need to get him. I chose to, out of my own curiosity and the fact that seeing kittens makes my heart melt into a pile of goo. I still like cats but it's like someone said to me once - cats are only good if they're someone else's  Plus, I'm a very private kind of person and I love being on my own. Having a clingy kitten when I've finally, finally put my son to bed kind of messes that up. Anywho, I'm glad I'm able to sit here and write this in peace! My son hasn't woken up yet. If it lasts, maybe I can make a start on today's minimum 1000 words of writing. I'm rewriting the mermaid story I wrote for NaNo 2018. I think that one, the one I wrote for NaNo, was too rushed. Not because of time constraints, but because there's too much exposition since I wasn't really interested enough to write it properly. There is a solid story there, I just have to work a bit at coaxing it out. I might even upload it to my port when I finish. Lofty goals, eh? 08:09 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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