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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 22:44 Today was crappy. Well, not really "crappy" crappy but...well, crappy. I had a meeting/dinner to attend last night and I left my little one with my mum and because I got back around half ten, my little one was already asleep so my mum said to stay over. So I did. Things always feel a bit weird when the daily routine suffers that much, you know? So now, here I am, at a quarter to eleven at night, writing up a bit of my story and updating my blog because I didn't get a chance to earlier in the day. And I have yet to do my prayers - which is going to take me at least half an hour. Just so you know, my bedtime (which I almost never adhere to) is ten thirty. Looks like I'll be an hour overdue...again. But at least I got to write a decent amount of my story! Not quite the minimum 1000 words I try to do every day, but close enough. The problem is that after putting my son to bed, I thought I'd watch one episode of a new kdrama on Netflix. Just one episode, no more. Funnily enough, I was able to keep to that. But then I picked up my phone and...yeah...See, an hour or writing seriously shouldn't be that difficult if I'm dedicated enough, but when a certain app on the phone is beckoning all the time, it's impossible to do anything. I'm trying to discipline myself. I believe if I really, truly, 100% want to try for something, I can do it. I'm just too lazy most of the time to attain such an intense level of commitment. I must train myself to do what needs to be done and stop living like a slob. It kind of reminds me of this webcomic I'm reading on Webtoon called Lookism, about a fat kid who's always been bullied and one day he wakes up with this an extra body that's super handsome and buff and suddenly everyone's nicer to him and wants to be friends with him. Anyway, he has both the fat body and the buff body and has to balance them well because if he stays awake too long in one body, the other body suffers. So he uses the buff body to go to school and stuff, and the fat body works at night. I was just reminded of this, for some reason when I used the word "slob". Gotta go! 22:56 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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