%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 21:43 These days, I feel I've been doing all right. I'm on top of things. There's nothing pressing that needs doing. I'm writing every day. Life is good. ...and then I remember college. My course is finishing in December and I need to be on placement before then, but my placement begins at that time. And then there are the assignments. I think I have one due for the end of September and I haven't even looked at it yet, never mind attempting it. After that, we've got at least one more, if not two. On top of that, I was supposed to have revamped one of my earlier ones, which was a complete disaster, but I haven't done it yet. I hate that assignment so much! I hate researching stuff! I don't know what I'm doing, even though I've had it explained to me so many times and, in those moments, I thought I got it. I do get it...kind of. But when it comes to writing it out, I draw a blank. I was fasting today, to make up for several fasts I missed during Ramadan. It wasn't as difficult as I'd thought it would be, since I'm not used to it now. I felt a bit weak, but I think that's more down to my overall health rather than the lack of food during the day. I tried to take a nap during the day but I don't think it did much good. Onto more writery matters. I've recently begun browsing Facebook. I try not to get too engrossed in social media, but I messaged some people I don't know (one being a local poet who organises get-togethers) and I came across an old friend. An old writer friend. So I got in touch. Let's see if I can get myself a new writer friend! That would be awesome! 22:54 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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