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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hi, I'm Elle. I'm based in Auckland, New Zealand. I'm the mother of two young adults, the wife of an entrepreneurial gamer and the Queen of Unfinished Projects. This blog will contain poems, short stories, possibly photos and book reviews if you're lucky, and my thoughts on a variety of topics. Hope you enjoy it. |
| I admit that when I heard that there wasn't going to be a 'televised' Quills ceremony this year, I was disappointed. I felt like the winners would miss out on their big moment and the excitement that went with it. I am not too proud to admit that I was wrong. When I saw that I had won a Quill for my writing, something that hasn't happened since 2015, I felt shock, awe, shock, excitement, shock, pride... Did I mention shock? I am sitting here in some sort of shocked euphoria. I'm kinda glad there wasn't a live ceremony, because I definitely needed time to process this just to be able to say thank you, let alone to actually let it sink in that I won (it hasn't sunk in yet, just saying). Holy shit. Thank you so much to Lilli ☕  and all the volunteer judges, and to everyone behind the scenes. I'm totally blown away.To win a Quill for my poetry is...amazing. I've written so little poetry over the last few years. Only 8 poems in 2022 and less the year before, and quite a few of those were shit. I felt rather like the spark had gone from my poetry. I do want to thank Jayne  for the "The Daily Poem"  which inspired not just this poem but also the other poem of mine that was nominated.I know that different judges have different opinions, and other people's work may have won top prize if there'd been different people judging - I have run enough Quills and judged enough contests to understand that one judge's opinion is just that - their opinion. But to know that my poem was highly thought of enough to float to the top is.... It's... I don't even have words. Just thank you. I'm kind of blown away. But there's something even more mind blowing than that. Even more mind blowing than winning a Quill for my poetry. I have been on a journey of self discovery since I turned 40. It has been life changing. It has been jokingly referred to as my mid-life crisis, and I'd agree with that except it doesn't feel like a crisis. Rather the opposite. It feels like I was coasting along for so many years and now I'm emerging as some sort of butterfly that's actually ME. I remember my mother once saying she wanted something in her life where she wasn't the mother or the wife, she was just her own person, and I get that now. I am still a mother and still a wife and a daughter and all of those other relationships, but I'm also figuring out who I am outside of those relationships. Who I am. It's really fucking liberating actually. And I have been sharing that journey a little with you guys as I go. And "A is for...." was a REALLY personal look at some of the things I'd figured out about myself recently. Sharing that with anyone, let alone a site with thousands of active members, was really hard for me. But also a really great practice run. After writing and sharing that, and getting such a good reaction from the members of this site, I had the courage to tell someone in real life about all that stuff. And now, that really personal 'This is part of Elle that you didn't know' has won a fucking Quill. This is huge for me. And I'm really fucking grateful. Thank you so much. 2022 Quill Award for Best LGBTQ+: "A is for...." 2022 Quill Award for Best Short Poem, Free Verse: "Invalid Entry" Honorable Mention for Best Biographical: "A is for...." PS. You might be wondering why this was such a big deal for me. I've won Quills before, right? And yes, I have. In 2015 I won two Quills, one for a poem and one for a short story. And make no mistake, I was delighted and grateful that people thought so highly of my writing. But that was also the year I took over the Quills, and while I did not judge either of those categories and award myself those honours, I did see the process unfold behind the scenes and did know in advance that I would receive those awards. Yes, I know now that I should have gracefully withdrawn my nominations and let those awards go to the next runner ups, but in all honesty it never occurred to me until afterwards. I wish it had, because it was really fucking awkward at the time, but it was too late by then. So yeah, it did inspire and motivate and uplift me at the time, but it was also part of something really difficult. So this is quite different, and my reactions are very different. PPS. I am now wondering if writing what amounts to an acceptance speech is really gauche. If so, I apologise.  |
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