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 |  is paved with good intentions... |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hi, I'm Elle. I'm based in Auckland, New Zealand. I'm the mother of two young adults, the wife of an entrepreneurial gamer and the Queen of Unfinished Projects. This blog will contain poems, short stories, possibly photos and book reviews if you're lucky, and my thoughts on a variety of topics. Hope you enjoy it. |
| Who is your biggest inspiration and why? I don't think I have one single person who is a big inspiration to me. Different people inspire me in different ways. Even in terms of writing, there are different areas in which different people inspire me. For example, Osirantinous  is a big inspiration to me when it comes to m/m romantic fiction, but not when it comes to poetry or blogging. Or even necessarily other genres of fiction. In my real life, there are people who inspire me in terms of my health journey, others in terms of financial success, still more in terms of my photography or other projects I do.... There truly isn't one person that I could say is my biggest inspiration. Definitely not. So let me make a short list, because we all know I love lists. Fiction writing - Osirantinous (I debated even having this on my list considering I haven't been inspired to write anything in literally years, but I still do consider Os an inspiration and I will write again...)Poetry - Brian K Compton  and Fyn  Personal writing and blogging - buddhangela’s gone  , Jayne  Physical health and fitness - 🌻 pwheeler ~ love joy peace  , Rebecca Burnicle, Amber Clemens, Karen Henry and Rebel WilsonSelf acceptance - Caitlin Taylor, buddhangela’s gone and Rhymer Reisen Financial success - Nik Velkovski and Louis Guy Hobbies - Rita Maud, Vanessa Wintle-Thorpe and Jannai McCracken It's important to note that these aren't necessarily the people I think are best at this particular skill, but just that they are the one that inspires me, whether it's because they motivate me with a contest or activity, or because they lead the way by example... There are different ways to inspire, and not all of them require you to excel at something yourself. So if you feel like you've been left off the list because, hey, you're a fantastic poet or blogger or you're super fit or whatever, that's not what this list is. It's not my favourite bloggers and poets, etc., it's the people who most inspire me in that particular aspect of my life. Also, this list is absolutely subject to change. Angels in my Ear used to be the person who most inspired me when it came to personal writing, but she's not around to inspire me anymore, so her place on the list has been taken by Angie. Charlie ~ and Cinn  used to be my biggest inspirations when it came to poetry, but I haven't interacted with either of them in ages, so their places have been taken by Brian and Robin. And that's okay. Of course, I'd welcome them back into my life, but in the meantime, life goes on.My kids are also inspirations to me, as is Steve, but not in any one specific area, you know? They're kind of like my support team. My kids inspire me to learn more about the LGBTQIA community and to step up as an ally. They also inspire me, I guess, to be the best mother I can be to them, but they aren't inspirations in terms of role models or cheerleaders, you know? How would you describe yourself to a stranger? I suppose I describe myself to strangers online all the time in one way or another. I'm a New Zealander, a mother of two (nearly grown) children, the wife to an entrepreneurial gamer and the Queen of Unfinished Projects. I'm a loud introvert, I have inattentive ADHD, I hate coffee AND tea, I love photography and reading books with happy endings, I enjoy the beach and walks in nature, and I laugh often. How about you? How would you want other people to describe you? Ohhh... Hmm... I'd want other people to describe me as a good friend and a good mother. Those are two things I aspire to in life. What life lessons have books taught you? Ooh, books rather than life. What an interesting twist on the usual question. Um, books have taught me lots of things. Lots of words and facts. That no matter how difficult or impossible life gets, you can still have your happy ending. That's important, and the reason I choose to only read books with happy endings. It's ignorant and foolish to think that the things we read don't affect us, don't change us. I choose to read books with happy endings so that I'm constantly reinforcing my belief that I will have my own happy ending, regardless of any bumps or twists along the way. Which fictional character would you most like to be? That's a tough question. The first character that came to mind, weirdly, was a tough ex-military survivalist and I am NOTHING like that.  The next was Mrs Weasley. So you can see that my brain is totally nuts.  Sometimes the characters we love in books aren't always people we'd want to be or even know in real life. That's certainly true for a number of memorable characters I can think of. I guess, too, my insecurity makes me wonder if the characters I most admire would want to know me in real life. The best answer I can come up with right now is Hermione. I have major issues with J K Rowling, and I've never even read the books, but I was a lot like Hermione as a child, and I can relate to her a lot. She's protective, she's courageous and fierce, she's smart, she's loyal... What's not to like? So for now, unless I can come up with a better non-Rowling character, I guess I'll go with Hermione.What are your strengths?  I'm a fast learner.  I don't hold on to grudges.  I'm patient.  I'm flexible and able to adjust to changes in plans.  I'm generally calm. What are your weaknesses?  I'm unreliable.  I'm lazy.  I procrastinate. I'm messy.  I'm a fussy eater. I'm impulsive. What countries have you traveled to? Obviously we won't count New Zealand since I was born here....  Australia x 4 England x 3 Scotland x 2 Wales x 1 Denmark x 1I've also done stopovers in Singapore, Fiji, USA and the Philippines, where I left the airport. But I don't remember anything about the first three countries because I was only 6 or 7 (although we have photos from all three and we did go to Disneyland!), and we didn't see much of the Philippines except the traffic and the hotel. What lessons have you learned from traveling?  That Scotland is remarkably like New Zealand. That there's no culture shock between New Zealand and the UK. That chip butties aren't as good as I remember them. That haggis is better than I expected. That I can read on a plane or a train but not on a bus or in a car. That I'm allergic to something in the UK. That you can meet interesting people anywhere you go if you're prepared to make connections. That the Philippines are really REALLY hot. That you can be completely overwhelmed when the 'rules' are different to what you expect. That you can find a bit of home wherever you go if you try hard enough. That I don't like travelling on my own. That sometimes the best moments aren't the tourist destination / bucket list sights that you expected to be the highlights. That you don't have to travel far to experience new things. That jet lag is just awful.What is your favorite place? One of the most amazing places I've ever been is Glen Strathfarrar in the Scottish Highlands. It was just magical. Wild deer, rugged countryside.... I loved it. I have the most amazing photos of it. It was beautiful and majestic and wild. Another place that made a huge impression, but that I wouldn't list as my favourite, was the Australian Outback. It was both exactly as I expected and nothing like I expected.  Is there anything that has changed your outlook on life? Yes. So many things actually. Becoming a mother. Losing my religion. Steve. And a whole bunch of little things as well. Books I've read, documentaries I've watched, podcasts I've listened to, people I've met... So many things are constantly changing the way I look at life. Who would you most love to meet? Beth Mullett (I met her on Livejournal in 2001 and she lives in the USA) Gaby  Rhonda  Schnujo's Giving Away GPs  Rebecca Burnicle (my WW virtual meeting leader) buddhangela’s gone and Rhymer Reisen (at the same time, because that would be awesome!) Jayne And if I'm going to dream, I'm gonna throw some celebrities into the mix:  Gerard Butler Jeremy Renner Chris Pratt Rebel Wilson Emma Stone Drew Barrymore Jennifer Lawrence Adele Paul McCartney Gordon Ramsay (I came very close to meeting him, and was standing about 1m away from him, but to meet him I had to buy one of his products, and I couldn't afford to at the time) Seth MacFarlane Nigella Lawson Jim Parsons John CleeseWhat habit would you most like to break? Procrastinating. Oh my god, I feel like I could achieve anything, conquer the world, if only I could stop procrastinating. I have come to realise that it is a result of my ADHD, but that doesn't mean it isn't also a habit. I wish I could control it, I really do. It greatly affects my life. What excites you?  Starting a new project. Going to a new place. Making a list. Crossing something off my list. Live music. Making a tangible difference in someone's life. Buying a new notebook. Owning the physical version of a book I really enjoyed. Taking a great photo.What place do you consider your home? I guess, first and foremost, I consider New Zealand my home. While I am, and have always been, open to living in another country, New Zealand will always be my home. I have lived in various towns, cities and communities in New Zealand. I have gone back to the rural community I was raised in, and it has changed so much that I don't recognise some of it and certainly don't belong there anymore. Perhaps I have changed as much as it has. Either way, that rural community might be where I grew up, but it's not my home. I currently live in Auckland, but I have no sentimental attachment to Auckland as a city, nor to the suburb where I currently live. So yeah, I guess my answer is just New Zealand rather than one small part of it. Are you good at decision-making? How could you improve? Hmm... In some ways I'm good at decision making. I don't suffer from decision paralysis or whatever it is called. But I do struggle sometimes when there are multiple good options on the table. My decision making skills are not something I've ever felt needed improvement, honestly. I guess I could be more certain, more sure of myself. Less regret when I make the wrong choice...? Are you an organised person? Yes and no. I'm a very messy person, and to a lot of people that comes across as disorganisation. And to some degree, it is. I like organisation though. I attempt to have organisation, and then it naturally falls apart. So I guess the answer is that I would like to be organised, but I'm not that way inclined. I have boxes of memorabilia/ephemera that is all sorted by year. I have boxes of family history paperwork and heirlooms that are all sorted by family name (with additional boxes for Jayden and Caitlin of things that pertain to them specifically). I have matching glass jars in my pantry with matching vinyl labels, so they all match. But my bedroom is a disorganised mess, my storage room is a disorganised mess, my pantry is a disorganised mess.  Is there a part of your life that you wish was more organised? Every part of it? I wish my bedroom were more organised, and welcoming, and neat and tidy. I'm working on that, by moving the boxes of memorabilia and ephemera into the storage room to make my room less cluttered. I also implemented new systems in my wardrobe and dresser, but they fell apart after the first load of clean washing I had to put away.  I shall persevere.I'm very close to having the storage room organised. Yay! Just a handful of papers on the floor waiting to be sorted into boxes. I need to take EVERYTHING out of my pantry and restock it so it's organised, neat and tidy. Same with the herb and spice drawer. Steve did the plastics drawer not that long ago, but it seems impossible to keep a plastics drawer organised.  Work. God, if I were more organised at work, that would make my life a million times easier. To be honest, disorganisation isn't my biggest issue at work. It's procrastination. What they call executive dysfunction, which includes task avoidance. So maybe not work for this question, since it's about organisation and not about...all my other issues. What is the most important thing to enable you to live an authentic life? To have someone that I can be wholly myself with. I guess it would be nice if we could be wholly ourselves with everyone, but life doesn't work that way. I'm not even sure it should. There's a reason I don't like to get drunk very often, and it's because I need to maintain control over the filter I have between my brain and my mouth. Oh my god, can you imagine what life would be like if we all said exactly what we were thinking, at the moment we thought it? No! That would be horrendous! But we should all have at least one person where we can just let down our guard and relax and be at peace. Not have to watch what we say. Not have to behave in a certain way. We should be able to be honest about what we think. We shouldn't have to pretend that we never fart because we're a lady. Everyone needs one person that allows them to be truly themselves, and I'm lucky that Steve is that person for me, and I am that person for him. Some of the things we say to each other will never be repeated to anyone else. Judgmental thoughts. Personal insights. Those are just for us. But I don't have to hide anything from him, and to me, that means I can live an authentic life. I can be me. I can be a version of me with everyone else, but with him, I'm just me. And I'm not the same me with everyone else. I'm a different person depending on who I'm with. And everyone does that. We're not the same person with our children (especially when they're young) that we are with our adult friends, or that we are with our parents, or that we are with our doctor, or that we are with our bank manager, or that we are with our boss. You know? Those people see parts of us. And yes, they should be honest, real parts. But not the whole of us. Only Steve gets to know the whole of me.What matters to you the most? That my family is happy and healthy. That my friends are happy and healthy. That I'm a good mother, wife and friend. Probably in that order. What doesn’t matter to you? Religion. My career (so long as I have a job I don't hate). What other people like to do in their bedrooms as long as they're all consenting adults. Politics, for the most part. What are your priorities? Hmm... I guess my family are first. Steve, Jayden and Caitie, then the others. Then me, maybe? The things I need and want? Sometimes I put myself first, but everything is down to the circumstances, right? Like, if my mother-in-law wants me to take her dog for a walk and I'd rather lie in bed and read a book, then maybe I'll just put myself and my own desires first. But if she's in hospital or something, then my own needs and desires can wait. Like, priorities depend on the circumstances. What keeps you motivated? Very little. I'm often unmotivated. I am most motivated when I start a new project, but the question says 'keeps you motivated' and that's the thing I struggle most with - staying motivated. A deadline sometimes motivates me. But there is always a gap between starting and finishing where I'm totally unmotivated. I think it's part of my ADHD. Apparently with ADHD there is often no 'reward' in your brain for finishing a project, and if you're not going to feel good about finishing it, why bother? What makes you proud? My children. Having written a children's novel. The work I've done on the family tree. Some of the stories and poems I've written. Some of the photos I've taken. That I've bought a holiday home (although the mortgage is currently freaking me out but that's a different story). I've been actually putting thought into this lately for "Invalid Item"  because chapters five and six are all about things we're proud of. Oh, so I guess I'm proud of how we helped our elderly neighbours in the last few years of their lives. I'm proud of the way I've helped out friends and family who were in need. What are 3 facts about you that not many people know? I'm an oversharer, so there's very little people don't know about me, honestly. You can find a bunch of random facts about me at "Elle" . But um, let me think... I once sung in a choir in front of 30,000 people. It was a free outdoor concert with a full symphony orchestraa. It was raining, and all we could see of the audience was a sea of brightly coloured umbrellas. It was very cool. While I don't suffer from anxiety per se, I have a deep-seated fear of missing flights. If I'm going on a flight, I'll start packing days in advance and then go to the airport at least three hours early. I don't relax until I'm sitting in my seat on the plane. Which, incidentally, is the time that Steve starts freaking out, because he doesn't like flying. I don't know how to change a tyre on a car.How do you focus? Depends on the task. Part of my ADHD is a thing called 'hyperfocus'. When I hyperfocus, I block everything else out and get totally absorbed by what I'm doing. I tend to hyperfocus mostly when I'm reading. Hyperfocus is an interesting phenomenon because it's outside of a person's control. You can't choose what you want to hyperfocus on or when you do it. My family have always found it very frustrating, because I don't listen to them. I've even been known to answer questions without any memory of doing so, a bit like someone sleep-talking. But the rest of the time? The rest of time I struggle a great deal to focus. I am VERY easily distracted when I'm not in hyperfocus. Could you be more focused? How will you achieve this? One thing that I find helps my brain settle is music. I think it gives me brain something to concentrate on and that stops it leaping about all over the place. If I were allowed to listen to music at work, I would. Unfortunately, my colleagues don't want music on in the office, and I can't listen to headphones because I need to be able to hear the phone ring or my boss talking to me. But I do think music would help a lot. It helps me at home. What are you looking forward to? Nicer weather. I'm looking forward to doing more outdoor walks when the weather fines up (but before it gets too hot). And the summer holidays which we'll spend at our new holiday home. I'm quite excited about spending a couple of weeks there. It feels like a dream, or like a trip we've been planning that is still so far away it doesn't feel real yet. The anticipation is strong. How would you change the world? The question is 'would' rather than 'could'. So I guess I'll give my dream answer rather than a realistic answer. I would make it so there was no global warming or pollution, so that no one lived in poverty or went hungry, I'd make violent crime a thing of the past, I'd make it so that everyone was treated equally regardless of race, religion, gender or sexuality (not just in terms of opportunities or career, but in terms of interactions on the street with general strangers or their families)... Yeah. World peace I guess. What have you recently learned about yourself? That I have more mental health issues than I realised. That I need to prioritise myself sometimes. That I have tended to self-medicate without realising, like only reading books with happy endings, like going for walks when I'm stressed, like escaping into nature when I'm feeling down, etc. Now I can do those things purposefully and take control of situations. I'm learning more about why I behave the way I do and how to control and how to accept the things I can't control. What is your favorite time of day and why? I'm not a morning person. My favourite time of day is probably the afternoon as it passes into evening, when the air starts to cool but it's still light. But I also enjoy summer nights when the stars are out. I love looking at the stars. A couple of weeks ago there was a meteor shower above New Zealand, and Steve and I lay out on the lawn for about an hour looking up at the stars. I didn't see any shooting stars, but Steve saw a few. I've never actually seen a shooting star - my eyesight is so poor that I can't focus on them quickly enough before they're gone. What one thing can you not give up? Reading. I could give up writing or chocolate or Sprite Zero or photography, but not reading. Reading is part of the way I look after my mental health. But it's also like an addiction. Maybe it IS an addiction. I have thought for a while that it is, but don't really want to do anything about it. Thinking about giving up reading is quite frightening. What is the best gift somebody could give you? Hmm, a tricky question. Maybe a new experience? I do love homemade gifts, but I'm probably leaning away from 'things' to experiences these days. Friendship. I'd love to have a friend. What could you easily live without? A TV. I rarely watch TV, and if I didn't have one, I wouldn't miss it. I'd much rather put some music on and read a book. I believe my mum and sister don't own a TV anymore, and I think that would be me too, but because Steve enjoys watching TV, I can't see us ever being without one. Do you have self-control or is it something you need to work on? I definitely do not have good self-control. I bloody wish I did. I don't have control over my reading. I don't have much control over my spending (although it's not as bad as it used to be and at least my bills always get paid). I don't have control over my eating. I don't have control over my procrastination and task-avoidance at work. Those are probably the four areas of my life where I most desperately need to gain some control. If you could be any animal what would it be and why? A cat. Because I'm lazy by nature, but I could have fun if I wanted to, and I enjoy spending time with people on my terms. Sometimes I'm jealous of cats, because they get to curl up in the sun all day and just sleep. Do you always tell the truth? No. Does anyone tell the truth always? I doubt it. I tell the truth most of the time, but I have definitely been known to lie. When was the last time you were creative? Yesterday I spent time working on my latest paint-by-numbers project. It's an image of a beach near us. It's my second paint-by-numbers, and I'm surprised by how much I enjoy it. On the weekend I worked on my commonplace book after seeing a Facebook post by Grateful Jess that inspired me to get out my washi tape and finish a couple of pages that I'd previously started. Oh, maybe I should have added Jess to my list of people who inspired me, considering she was literally the last person to inspire me. I felt quite satisfied with myself when I'd done them. I also did some knitting on the weekend. And the previous weekend I compiled a bunch of photos which I ordered printed as stickers. I'm going to make a photo wall in the dining room at our holiday home. We're going to put a plaque in the center of the wall that reads 'Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family'. So I chose some nice photos but also a lot of quirky, crazy ones. I had a lot of fun choosing photos, and then more fun going through them again once the stickers arrived. We need to finish prepping and then painting the wall before I can put them up, but I'm looking forward to it.Do you have problems releasing your creative side? Why do you think this is? No, I don't. My creative side leaks out all over the place. Honestly, I think it's because my job is so boring. I read an article recently about bore-out which is the opposite of burnout, when your job is so boring that you don't get any fulfillment from it. That's me. One of the solutions is to find fulfillment in other areas of your life, and that's what I do. I have loads of hobbies and even more projects, and they satisfy my creative need and they give me a sense of purpose and fulfillment that my job doesn't give me.Who would play you in the film about your life? I wanna say Drew Barrymore. She's short and quirky and she's a lot of fun. She's about five years older than I am, but that's okay. She's obviously also lived a very different life to me, but I reckon she could play me. And it would make Steve's day, because she's literally his favourite actress in the whole world. Can you keep a secret? Not if it means I literally can't tell anyone. I tell Steve pretty much everything. Do you dress for yourself or to impress other people? Both. But I'm working on changing that. I follow a style coach and personal stylist on social media, and I recently signed up to her Patreon. She's helping me learn more about my personal style and helping me to focus on dressing for myself rather than others. It's a work in progress, but I am progressing. I'm literally working on it. What changes could you make to improve your health? More exercise, less junk food. I eat too many sweets (chocolate and ice cream primarily). And it'd probably be a good idea to give up the Sprite Zero and switch to only drinking water. But the question was 'could make' not 'would make'. I do want to do more exercise and eat less sweets, but I don't think I'll bother tackling the Sprite Zero again any time soon. What are you passionate about? Preserving memories. I did a blog post about this once. Let me see if I can find it. Here you go: "Invalid Entry" . As I wrote in that entry, 'all my projects are about preserving memories. Blogging is about preserving memories. Scrapbooking is about preserving memories. Photography is about preserving memories. Family history is about preserving memories. I'm obsessed with preserving memories.' When was the last time you did something spontaneous? How did it make you feel? This was probably on Sunday. We were coming back from the holiday home and I decided to take a detour to visit my grandfather's grave and pop in to a fancy chocolate store. Then Steve decided he wanted to take a detour to visit a place he saw signposted but had never been to. I ended up standing on a wharf talking to a guy I went to high school with. How random is that?! What makes you uncomfortable? Nudity. Doctors. Dentists. Ants. Being under the influence of alcohol, drugs or sleep deprivation (I hate losing my filter because I know that the things in my brain shouldn't be blurted out of my mouth!). Being without my phone. Discrimination and bullying. Really good looking people. |
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