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 |  is paved with good intentions... |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Hi, I'm Elle. I'm based in Auckland, New Zealand. I'm the mother of two young adults, the wife of an entrepreneurial gamer and the Queen of Unfinished Projects. This blog will contain poems, short stories, possibly photos and book reviews if you're lucky, and my thoughts on a variety of topics. Hope you enjoy it. |
Prompt: "Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you." - Oprah Winfrey. Write about something that fuels your heart at the moment. ~ "Blog Week Birthday Bastion 2024"  I turned 40 in 2020, and while age has never been a big deal for me, turning 40 changed something in me. It was a mindset change. My children were 20 and 15, which meant that while I was still a parent, they didn't need me the same way they had when they were smaller. It was time to focus on me. On top of that, with getting Jayden and my nephew diagnosed with ADHD and my nephew referred for autism testing, I learned a lot about neurodiversity and therefore about myself. What fuels my heart right now? I guess there's two main things at the moment. And the first of those is self-care. I've never been good at putting myself first. I became a mother at 21 and my focus for many years was on being a good mother. Probably the most selfish thing I did in those years was work full-time. I'm still not sure if I made the right decision in that regard, and maybe things would have been easier for my kids if I'd been a stay-at-home mother, but there's no pointing wondering about it. Anyway, I read a lot, and I did have my little projects, but I put a lot of my energy into my kids. Now, I put a lot of my energy into me. And it's actually pretty amazing. One thing I've discovered is that I can do things just because they make me happy, or just because they give me pleasure, or just because they help me stay calm. There doesn't have to be a productive outcome at the end of it. I can colour in a picture, and the picture doesn't have to be a masterpiece, it doesn't have to be gifted to anyone, it doesn't have to be treasured. It is the act of colouring in that is important, not the product that I achieve at the end of it. It probably sounds bloody obvious to many of you, but I can assure you, it was not obvious to me. The only thing I've ever done where I enjoyed the doing and had no practical outcome at the end of it, was reading. And I've been reading since I was 4, and that has always been a non-negotiable in my life. Every other hobby I've had has been about the outcome. But now I go on walks because I enjoy walking, I colour in because it relaxes me, I paint because I enjoy it, I knit because I can't watch TV without having some busywork for my fingers... I do things just for the fun of it. And it makes me feel good. The other thing that fuels my heart right now is spending time at the bach with Steve. As our children have grown older, we've been able to spend more time together as a couple rather than as a family. Steve and I only been a couple for about eight months when we found out we were expecting, and we'd been together for a grand total of sixteen months when Jayden arrived. We didn't have much time to just be a couple, just the two of us. And now we can be. We get plenty of time together at home, and since the kids have been teenagers we've been going out on 'date nights' at restaurants or movies every so often, but it feels different at the bach. It's not the family home, it's like mine and Steve's little hideaway from the world. It's small and cosy and it's just us. I know that will change, especially as the rest of the family start using it, but right now it's like a little love nest. It's peaceful and calm and just the two of us. Even if it's just the weekend (which is the longest we can stay in it at the moment because there's still no working shower) it's like a bit of a romantic holiday. So those are the two things that are fueling my heart right now. It's not 'exciting' or dramatic or full of energy. It's quiet and peaceful and it brings me comfort and joy and peace of mind. |
| Prompt: Do writers have obligations towards their readers? If so, what can they be? If not, why not? Do you have anything to tell about (your) readers? ~ "Blog Week Birthday Bastion 2024" Yes, writers have obligations to their readers.  They have the obligation to rate their work appropriately (for instance, this blog is rated GC for the language that I use). They have the obligation to ensure their marketing is not misleading. For instance, if I read the blurb and think I'm buying a romance novel but what I actually end up with is a political rant about Trump, I've been swindled. I think too this relates to things like cliffhangers in books. If I think I'm buying a complete book, it better be a complete book, not half a book so I have to then buy the next half with more of my hard-earned money.I can't think of any other significant obligations off the top of my head. I don't think a writer is obliged to write a certain story or a certain genre, just because their readers want that. Maya Banks has written two books of a trilogy and the release date for the third book has been pushed back so many times that it seems like it will never happen now. I don't know what happened in the author's life but I don't think she's writing anymore. Regardless, she's under no obligation to write that third book. Do I want to read it? Yes. But the three books work as stand-alone books, and so I think it is up to her whether she writes it or not. Will her readers be disappointed if she doesn't? Of course. Will they say things or stop buying her other books? Maybe. But it's her choice. As to my readers... I mostly write what I want, or I write something specifically for a contest. So my only real obligation is to meet the contest requirements. But I do try to do things for my readers, like provide translations from British or NZ English to American English when I know something will be confusing. For instance, I did this with the list of foods in "Invalid Entry" , because most Americans don't know what capsicum is.  But I think my main obligations are just to ensure my items are rated correctly, and otherwise I mostly do as I please. |
| Prompt: I was surprised by how the global pandemic affected me, honestly. Because my husband, myself and both my children are neurodivergent, we have our share of quirks between us. I am the only one of the four of us that doesn't suffer from some form of stress or anxiety. The only time I tend to get anxious is when I'm catching a flight, in which case I start stressing out days in advance and must be at the airport hours earlier than need be. I relax only when I'm sitting in my seat on the plane. So I was surprised by my reaction to the pandemic. I am not germophobic. If you saw the state of the inside of my car or my bathroom, you would know the idea is laughable.  I am an introvert, so periods of isolation didn't bother me. Now, I will admit that I did hanker for social interaction eventually, and I couldn't have done it so strictly or for as long as some others have done, but on the whole, the social isolation didn't bother me. It was the panic buying that got to me. And I don't know why, I really don't. I just saw the supermarkets emptying of products and started getting stressed and anxious that we wouldn't be able to buy what we needed when we needed it. Which is how panic buying works, right? It's not called panic buying because everyone is calm but maliciously stocking up to be mean to others in need. It's called panic buying because people are literally panicking. And maybe I wasn't quite at panicking stage, but I was certainly at stressed and anxious stage. I started stockpiling food. I didn't buy bulk and leave empty shelves for other customers, but I started adding a few extra shelf-stable groceries to each purchase, and I started purchasing more often. My stockpile grew pretty decent sized. We wouldn't have had to go hungry, that's for sure. I read a book, Until The World Stops by L A Witt. It's a romance novel, and I read that author a lot. However, the book was set in the the Covid19 pandemic, and the worry, the 'Should we be panic-buying too?' that the characters did, it triggered me. There aren't many things that trigger me, but this book did. It was well written, but it made me anxious and put my back in that stressed-out mindset, and so I couldn't enjoy it. For some people, the pandemic is still ongoing, and I understand that. I went to Steve's uncle's funeral in July. He died from Covid19. It's still a very real danger in the world, and I definitely understand that. But for us, life is mostly back to normal. And Steve has informed me that I'm not allowed to stockpile food anymore, so we've been using up my stockpile. I no longer have that stress and anxiety that the initial uncertainty caused in me. But now I know it's possible for me to react that way and I will always be wondering what the next thing to set me off might be. |
| Prompt: What is most peculiar about your character, any hidden quirks? ~ "Blog Week Birthday Bastion 2024" The only other entry I've read that used this prompt was the one Kit  wrote, and I liked that she took the question to be about herself. I'm gonna do the same.What is most peculiar about me and my character?  I procrastinate and avoid doing simple tasks even when I know I'm perfectly capable of achieving them, and even when not doing them causes me to become stressed. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] 'Etymologically, “procrastination” is derived from the Latin verb procrastinare — to put off until tomorrow. But it’s more than just voluntarily delaying. Procrastination is also derived from the ancient Greek word akrasia — doing something against our better judgment. “It’s self-harm,” said Dr. Piers Steel, a professor of motivational psychology at the University of Calgary and the author of “The Procrastination Equation: How to Stop Putting Things Off and Start Getting Stuff Done.” That self-awareness is a key part of why procrastinating makes us feel so rotten. When we procrastinate, we’re not only aware that we’re avoiding the task in question, but also that doing so is probably a bad idea. And yet, we do it anyway.' ~ Why You Procrastinate (It has nothing to do with self-control) by Erik Winkowski  I lose track of time, which means I'm always late - to arrive somewhere, to hand something in, to pay something, you name it. I have poor impulse control, especially when it comes to money. If I have money, I must spend it. It's actually a problem for me because it means I can't save money. Unfortunately, for whatever inane reason, my husband insists that I manage the household finances.   I am easily distracted and get bored easily, so I will often abandon a task partway through. This is why I have so many projects and so many hobbies. Also, I get more satisfaction from starting a project than from finishing one, hence I refer to myself as the Queen of Unfinished Projects. I have some sensory issues that mean I'm a fussy eater. Not only are there loads of foods I won't eat, but I don't like to drink out of cans, I get annoyed if the cutlery 'feels wrong' in my hands, and I'm fussy about the texture of the clothes I wear. Here is a sample of foods I won't eat: Almost all seafood (I will, on occasion, eat snapper if it is fresh) Pumpkin Kumara / sweet potato Yams Eggplant / aubergine Capsicum / bell pepper Courgette / zucchini Spinach Mushrooms Any organ meats (e.g. liver or kidney) Soft cheese Olives Beetroot / beets Mango All berries except for strawberries Turkey Duck Lettuce except for iceberg lettuce.There's more, but that's enough for now. Weirdly, some of those exceptions are foods I really like. For instance, I love strawberries and iceberg lettuce, but won't eat other berries or lettuce types. So weird. But it gets weirder. I like raw carrots but not cooked carrots, I'm not a fan of cooked fruit generally (even the fruits that I love to eat raw) and I generally like my meat overcooked (crispy bacon, well-done steak, etc). Yes, I'm a fussy eater. I do have a lot of foods I love though, and enough of a range that I get plenty of fruits, vegetables, protein, etc. Some of my favourite foods are nectarines, cabbage, pasta, chicken and well-done steak. I'm trained in public speaking but I don't like being the center of attention. I try to only read books with happy endings. This means most of the books I read are romances, although I do read a wide variety of subgenres. I read on average 120 per year, but I have already read 120 in 2022, so it'll be more this year. I hyperfixate when I read, which means I often don't hear people when they speak to me if I'm reading. Also, I will read when I'm not supposed to because I struggle to put my book down (but obviously not when I'm driving because that would be nuts). I have nystagmus, which means my eyes wobble. It greatly affects my vision (my sight is -7.75) and I think it might be to blame for the fact that I've become afraid of heights as an adult. In my childhood, teens and twenties I wasn't afraid of heights, but now I am. I suspect it might be to do with the fact that I struggle with depth perception a little. That's just a guess though. Might be some weird latent self-preservation instinct. I don't like people touching me. For that reason, I don't like hugs and I hate massages. Only my immediate family are allowed inside my personal space bubble. I have never been touched inappropriately or molested or anything like that, so I don't know why I have an aversion to people touching me, I just do. I am afraid of the dentist, ants (and we don't have any that bite in NZ, so go figure) and heights. |
| Prompt: Comment on How to Woo the Writer’s Muse ~ "Blog Week Birthday Bastion 2024" I think maybe I'm a bit different to many writers. It might be part of being neurodivergent, I'm not sure. I follow a number of authors on social media who say things like 'This couple were yammering away in my head, demanding that I write their story', and then there are all the writers on this site that personify their muse. This article also personifies the author's muse. I've never understood this need to personify one's muse. I have never in my life heard a character talking in my head, and if I did I think I'd check myself into the nearest psychiatric hospital. I wonder if all the people who think they hear God talking to them are hearing their muse or a character from a book. I mean, I'm not religious, God is a character in a book, right? I had to do a challenge once where I had to personify my muse. After much thought, I decided I must have two muses - one is a toddler and the other is Al Bundy from Married With Children.  But seriously, I don't understand this need to personify muses. Is it a way to put the blame for our writing or lack thereof on someone other than ourselves? I can understand when someone has an actual person they consider their muse. Like, I could say that Osirantinous  is my fiction muse and Fyn  is my poetry muse. Right? But I can't blame them when I don't write or am not inspired. That's....ludicrous. But I understand that someone can inspire you. I understand that a place can inspire you. I understand that you can go for days, weeks, months, years without being inspired. But it's not down to some mythical muse. It's just that your mind isn't in the right headspace to write. I suspect there are going to be people who read this and roll their eyes because I'm not getting into the spirit of things. And I'm not, so that's fair. I could pretend to have a muse and talk about my toddler/Al Bundy thing again, which is what I did last time. But I have learned so much about how my brain works and about mental health and about neurodivergence in the past couple of years, and I don't want to pretend. I want to be real. I need a complete and fulfilling relationship with my writing. I think this is unrealistic. I don't know any writer or author who doesn't struggle at one point or another, or who doesn't feel incomplete or unfulfilled at some stage. Writing can't love you back, so it's never going to be a 'complete and fulfilling relationship'. It's a hobby or a profession, not a relationship. That means you only get out of it what you put into it. On top of that, unless you write non-fiction, it is dependent on creativity and inspiration, and those parts of your brain don't work in a disciplined fashion. When the author of the article talks about his family laughing in the next room, I want to tell him to get up from his computer chair and go join in the fun. If you're inspired to write at this moment, go and do something else that's fun. Fill your cup up with experiences and emotions and memories and let them inspire you. And when I think about my relationship with them, all of this muse and discipline stuff sounds like nonsense. It is. I want excitement that echoes and keeps me going through the tough times. Not steady. Not fickle. But lasting. But that's not how the creative parts of our brain work. And it's not possible for them to work that way. That would be like being in a constant state of excitement or a constant state of fear... Two things are going to happen - one is that your body will adjust to the situation and requre a new level of emotion in order to feel the same as you did in the beginning (this is how drugs work) and secondly, eventually your body would run out of capacity to experience that emotion at that level (like running out of adrenaline). It is not sustainable. That's not how it works. I want my favorite writing moments to be the ones that make the rest of my work shine, instead of the ones I have to cut and rewrite later on. I don't even understand this. Is he saying that the times he most enjoys writing are the times that produce the worst quality of work? If that's the case, then I guess you have two choices - write because you enjoy it and just enjoy the moment, or give up writing and do other things that bring you joy. But also, isn't this what editing is for? Blurt down the emotional chaos and then edit it to make it digestible by the reader? For me, I try to make sure there’s a lot in my story that I am personally excited about. Every character. Every event. Every page. I'm exhausted just reading that. How do you woo your muse? Share your strategies with us. Has your muse ever left for a prolonged period? If so, how did you woo her back? I don't 'woo my muse' but I do have strategies. Firstly, if I'm not inspired to write, I don't. I went four years without writing a short story. Then I started again because I was inspired. It's okay not to write (provided it isn't your job). Have other things in your life to do - whether it's a different form of writing (I do poetry, blogging, short stories and non-fiction) or a different hobby altogether (I have numerous). Secondly, I use a variety of tools to inspire me - prompts of various kinds, deadlines, rewards, etc. The way my brain works, I don't get satisfaction from finishing a task, so I have to find that satisfaction elsewhere. I get a lot of satisfaction from pleasing other people and from beating deadlines, so that's part of the reason I tag people in my entries and why I leave things until the last minute. I think rather than trying to work out who your muse is and how you can woo him or her, you're better off understanding your brain and how your brain works. Not all brains, but yours in particular. Once you know that, you can work out how to trigger the creative parts of your brain and engineer outcomes that satisfy you. |
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