<a class="proll" href="https://www.Writing.Com/main/books/item_id/2250010-The-Last-Recluse">The Last Recluse

Dec 20, 2022 at 6:15pm
In response to "Archives"

Aw, I'm sorry you and your brother didn't have a better dad.

Fivesixer

Dec 20, 2022 at 5:32pm
In response to "Archives"

My dad passed away in January from Covid complications and cardiac arrest. We hadn't spoken but once in probably 10-12 years, and the one time we did it was...insulting, to say the least. Your comment is spot-on. I don't/won't be the one to rewrite history praising someone who isn't worthy of it, regardless of what others think is "the right thing to do" regarding the deceased.

As for the last line, he sucked me in more than a few times into thinking he might actually become a good dad. But it wouldn't be long after that the disappointment resettled, without getting too specific, in whatever form it would take. My siblings have much different memories and recollections than I do, because they lived with him and my late brother and I did not. And that made a huge impact on my brother's life, eventually leading to his suicide, I believe (among other factors). And that's where the last line comes in...he'd taken me for enough rides in the past that I wasn't gonna be taken anymore, especially after he blew off my brother before he died.

Fivesixer

Dec 20, 2022 at 5:18pm
In response to "That New Dance Craze"

Oh I do!! Thank you!!

Dec 20, 2022 at 5:04pm
In response to "That New Dance Craze"

I think you might have a typo in the last line of this one?

Dec 20, 2022 at 4:58pm
In response to "Archives"

I'm not sure about the last line, but I especially love the whole third stanza. And the idea that you can't resurrect someone into something they weren't rings true. So often when someone dies we rewrite history and only remember the good things or even start giving them attributes that they didn't have.

Fivesixer

Jul 29, 2021 at 11:34pm
In response to "8 Fingers"

A little bit all three, but less giving up than the other two.

Jul 29, 2021 at 5:35pm
In response to "Couple Lefts"

Love the use of rhyme and rhythm in this one!

Jul 29, 2021 at 5:29pm
In response to "Losing An Entire Summer"

I really like the first stanza. I think you could have that stand on its own and be complete, honestly. But I guess then it would be less of a personal statement about yourself.

Kåre เลียม Enga

Jul 29, 2021 at 4:54pm
In response to "8 Fingers"

There's a definite rhythm set up by 3 and 5 syllable words. Kinda rolls along.

Can't tell whether you're sighing or frustrated or just giving up. Works regardless.

October 25, 2021 at 3:07pm

#1020105

Fountain Meditation

10-22-21

You're sitting in front of
the Courthouse Park fountain,
watching the water come
up and down
with every breath
you take in and out.
Imagine a tiny droplet,
and maybe it's the size
of a tear you've cried.
As that feeling rises,
your lungs expand and
your chest fills, ready
to see that teardrop fall
back into the pool.
You exhale, slowly,
as your tear washes
and blends into its
true surroundings.
You're one with the water
now, and no longer alone.
You're at peace.
You're at home.

October 25, 2021 at 3:02pm

#1020104

That New Dance Craze

10-21-21

I keep my distance
and mind my own business.
You can't sanitize enough
and I won't apologize for it.

When you move right, I go left.
When you're side-to-side, I'm extinct.

lather
rinse
repeat

The second verse
is a curse as worse as the first.

Comment • View 2 comments

October 25, 2021 at 2:46pm

#1020101

Sleep Factory

10-14-21

As my shoulders sunk
into the bottom pillow
and my head cocked
to the side,
I readied myself
for another shift
at the factory of sleep,
aware of the benefits
without pay.

October 25, 2021 at 2:44pm

#1020100

I Told You

10-11-21

I hung us. I strung us.
The rope-a-dope stylist is
the real alchemist.
Did you think it gave you
a new instinct?
I've knives made
from railroad ties
and seen things besides
the truth and its lies.
I tried to warn you before
but you wrote your life
unsure
of its contents and missteps
and flagrant regrets.
The stylist is upset
by things she can't reset
while you sit knowing a youth
misspent that you won't accept
and we all have the proof.
I can cut you or cut you,
or cut you and cut you,
but nothing will stop me from you
as I tell you I told you so.

October 25, 2021 at 2:39pm

#1020099

Romper Room

10-8-21

I see cars and trees
and birds and bees
on flowers. Church towers
with bells ringing on the hour
sing to me the time
with every prescient chime
but mirror, as honest as you be,
why can't I see me?