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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
When I was in the mikvah, I had to touch the bottom with my toes. I'm a bit short. When I went to dunk the first couple of times, I didn't go under. I was told not to hold onto any part of my body. That meant I couldn't plug my nose, hold my hair, or cross my arms across my chest (all normal things when you're dunking). I closed my eyes and used my arms to help me go down. With my eyes closed, could see my arms moving. I looked at the wall and around me while under water, all with my eyes closed. I don't know how it's possible, but it happened. When I came out of the water, I rubbed the water off my face and off eyelids before I opened them. The second time I emerged, I heard the Rabbis say that I was good and heard them walk out. I've heard of strange stories about the mikvah, but they are the type of things that I try to rationalize or just thought was embellished. Even knowing that I was wrong to question the validity of the stories I heard, I still question my own experience. It's been a week and I still can smell and taste the water. Parts of body still tingle at times. My community calls me by my Hebrew name. I really like hearing it. I even have had the opportunity to introduce myself to someone new using my Hebrew name. It was exciting, but also felt natural. Not everyone gets a chance to become a new person, but I did. I still feel like me, just more me. |