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If you DO want to know, welcome to my blog |
For those who actually want to follow my thoughts, ideas, moans, and gripes, this is the place for you! For those of you who are returning...I questions your judgment, you poor souls. 
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| "Do you do drugs, Danny?" "Every day." "Good." Thank you Messieurs Webb and Noonan a la Caddyshack, a requisite movie for all us Gen-Xers. But while we're talking about drugs— while I am, at least— let's... well, let's talk about drugs. There are some drugs there are entirely too many of. Some drugs are great, but scarce. And then there's some that ought to exist, but don't. First category, everyone is expecting me to talk about fentanyl, heroin, crack, etc. These are givens, come on, kids. There's entirely too much of other drugs, though as well. Vaccines? While, the jury is out on vaccines for many people, I believe in several of them, such as smallpox, flu, polio, and that whole standard bunch. I'm even on board with shingles and COVID vaccines. But the more I watch television (which my blood pressure recently advised me is too damn much), the more I see vaccines for things I didn't even know existed! I'm not conspiracy theorist, but I am starting wonder if they're not just making shit up for us to get placebo vaccines for. RSV, HPV, LSMFT, MIC, KEY, MOUSE. There's something for each one of them, too— Adilumimab, Xorticolfab, Gerimockery— hell, I can't even pronounce most of them. Some of them sound like nothing I would want to do with, anyway. Like Taltz. Taltz sounds like a problem in and of itself. "Joey, I'm screwed: I got Taltz, man!" "That's okay, there's a new vaccine for it!" And none of them are cheap. "If you can't afford $600 a month, AbVie can help by giving you a $5.00 coupon, if you qualify." I swear, "they're" going to cure us all into the poorhouse! Some drugs seem to be scarce even though they're common. Diclofenac, for instance, is often prescribed for pain. And yet, the pharmacy always seems to be out of it. They have the Tripolumitan and Phlippinwhatitsname, but no diclofenac— and they can't tell you when it's going to arrive. "In a day or two, maybe four. Perhaps a week. Definitely by the Second Coming. We think." Of course, once the back-ordered medicines do come in, the pharmacy will be all over you to come pick them up. Text message, phone call after phone call, email, Western Union, carrier pigeon. After a while you wonder if you really want the diclofenac at all, or if you just want to thumb your nose at them. Now, there's also some drugs they haven't figured out yet, but should definitely be in development. Such as a drug that prevents you from hearing stupid people. Well...you might think you're deaf if you took that one; maybe that one's not so practical. How about a drug that adjusts brain chemicals to induce common sense? Wouldn't that be a gas? They'd be producing that one 24x7 Speaking of gas, instead of one to relieve the pains of gas, how about one that just removes the stink? Then you could a have bean dinner and a family horn section afterward without the EPA getting involved! But here's the one I want, the one I would be addicted to and hooked through the nose for: a drug that makes you feel the way you feel when you're about two thirds of the way through a pee you've been holding fifteen minutes too long already. Tell me the street value for that wouldn't be through the roof. So that's that, in a nutshell...or a pill bottle. I gotta run. The pharmacy has sent a guy named Guido who has a .38 and a machete to kindly request I go pick up my wife's diclofenac. 28 pills... in a bottle the size of a milk jug. Okay, okay I'm going! God forbid they put the junk back on the shelf; I wouldn't see it again til the next lunar eclipse! |
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