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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/ripglaedr3/day/12-12-2025
Rated: 18+ · Book · Writing · #2350960

Is just bored. No goals or motivation. I get one conversation a day, coffee, two naps.

I’ve never stopped learning, counter-intuitive when evidence doesn't present. Kindness is not indicative of vulnerability and responses…why am I typing about this? I talk circles around myself, too. If I could type faster with fewer errors, I’d make more sense…foremost, to myself.

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*Bigsmile*
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A lifelong journalist, my first word at 1 was to report an injury by describing the event to the woman in the basement doing laundry. ā€œHot.ā€ I fell and hit my head on the radiator. I never got good at nouns or pronouns. I know faces, voices, general demeanor. I don’t like hello or goodbye. ā€˜See ya when I see ya’ would suffice. I prefer nothing at all, not acknowledge. Part of my PTSD is from abandonment that found new ways to apply itself throughout life. Lots of hot radiators in the world make me feel unsafe.

I might be Sundowning. We’ll see. There are gaps of lost time in the last year. I pulled my blogs and writing. I seldom recognize anything written in the last decade. And, like a tap, words drip out onto the lighted screen we share through the statistical tunnel. Trying not to let language skills diminish. My eyesight has recently given me bouts of double vision. My reading and editing and reviewing suffer. I basically open a tap. Store some of the better stuff to mete out as I blog, giving each my best attention. Lots more boring stuff.

More later…to create?
December 12, 2025 at 12:25am
December 12, 2025 at 12:25am
#1103494
Nihilistic Gas
In Darkness, I’m Most Alive…and aware

I’m not nihilistic.
someone put it in my cereal.

when I utter nihilism
it’s gas.
but I don’t smell it.
but if you acknowledge it
it came from you.

everything I do is the result.
everything you did to me
did not factor —
you still have it
looking to give it to someone else
until you wake one day
all alone with your nihilism.


12.11.25
That’s the beginning. Part 2 coming…
Time 4 bed…edit in the AM


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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/ripglaedr3/day/12-12-2025