Is just bored. No goals or motivation. I get one conversation a day, coffee, two naps. |
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Iāve never stopped learning, counter-intuitive when evidence doesn't present. Kindness is not indicative of vulnerability and responsesā¦why am I typing about this? I talk circles around myself, too. If I could type faster with fewer errors, Iād make more senseā¦foremost, to myself. . A lifelong journalist, my first word at 1 was to report an injury by describing the event to the woman in the basement doing laundry. āHot.ā I fell and hit my head on the radiator. I never got good at nouns or pronouns. I know faces, voices, general demeanor. I donāt like hello or goodbye. āSee ya when I see yaā would suffice. I prefer nothing at all, not acknowledge. Part of my PTSD is from abandonment that found new ways to apply itself throughout life. Lots of hot radiators in the world make me feel unsafe. I might be Sundowning. Weāll see. There are gaps of lost time in the last year. I pulled my blogs and writing. I seldom recognize anything written in the last decade. And, like a tap, words drip out onto the lighted screen we share through the statistical tunnel. Trying not to let language skills diminish. My eyesight has recently given me bouts of double vision. My reading and editing and reviewing suffer. I basically open a tap. Store some of the better stuff to mete out as I blog, giving each my best attention. Lots more boring stuff. More laterā¦to create? |
| Nihilistic Gas In Darkness, Iām Most Aliveā¦and aware Iām not nihilistic. someone put it in my cereal. when I utter nihilism itās gas. but I donāt smell it. but if you acknowledge it it came from you. everything I do is the result. everything you did to me did not factor ā you still have it looking to give it to someone else until you wake one day all alone with your nihilism. 12.11.25 Thatās the beginning. Part 2 coming⦠Time 4 bedā¦edit in the AM |